“Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert author on relationships, narcissism, and codependency. She’s counseled individuals and couples for over 30 years and coaches internationally. Her 10 books include Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You, Codependency for Dummies and seven ebooks, including 10 Steps to Self-Esteem, How To Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People, “I’m Not Perfect – I’m Only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism, and Freedom from Guilt and Blame – Finding Self-Forgiveness. They’re available on Amazon, other online booksellers. and her website, www.whatiscodependency.com, where you can get a free copy of “14 Tips for Letting Go.” She’s a sought-after speaker in media and at professional conferences. Find her on Soundcloud, Clyp, LinkedIn, Youtube, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.”
What’s going on when one person is putting more effort into the relationship than his or her partner, and what should be done about it?
This usually indicates that one partner is feeling more insecure in the relationship. Every relationship is unique and it’s difficult to generalize on the specifics. However, the giver may have an anxious attachment style. They might be ignoring their needs or not taking responsibility for their own insecurity and either addressing the issue with their partner and/or doing more to comfort and nurture themselves. It could be a sign of a codependent relationship, which is often characterized by imbalance. Codependents feel unworthy of love and thus over-give, self-sacrifice, and accommodate in order to keep the relationship and feel loved.