How to gain trust back in a relationship after lying

Trust is the most crucial element of a relationship. It is to have complete faith in your partner in anything and everything. Building trust in a relationship is a difficult step that most couples hardly overcome but the couples who have built a strong foundation of trust endure the most difficult hurdles that come along their way. With trust, they make their partners free. No doubts, no suspicions, and no worries. However, once you have each other’s full trust, it does not mean that nothing can topple it down. One small mistake can send your relationship to the bottom, and you are back to square one with the trust thing. Earning trust is difficult enough, what more when you have to rebuild it after breaking it? It might seem impossible, but with enough effort, you can.

1. Confess the truth

You owe your partner the truth when you lie. Telling the truth will set you free from the heavy burden of keeping a secret from your partner. No matter how bad the thing you lied about is, it is important that your partner knows all about it. Never deny anything from them when they already know that you were lying. It will only make the situation worse for your relationship and earning back their trust will be close to impossible. Admit everything that your partner needs to know of, even the tiniest of details. Only in honesty will you have a chance at being forgiven.

2. Allow your partner to vent

When they have an emotional outburst upon learning the truth, do not be surprised. It is only natural for them to have that reaction after being lied to. Do not react negatively when they vent out their emotions. They deserve to let all their anger out at you. Allow them to express what they are feeling. Expect a lot of yelling or crying which are normal expressions of those who are hurt. However, when your partner starts lashing out at you physically, it is best for you to leave them first. Give them all the space they need to contemplate about the situation, but make sure to let them feel that you are still there for them.

3. Apologize with utmost sincerity

Let your partner know that you are deeply sorry for what you have done and that you regret ever doing it. Merely saying sorry is not enough and can be considered very insensitive. When asking for an apology, it is best to make them feel that you regret what you have done wholeheartedly, and it is never your intention to hurt them. Do not try to justify why you tried to lie, and never ever tell them that you did it for their own good. It was your choice to lie and it was never an option.

4. Let your partner take his time to heal

After apologizing, do not expect outright forgiveness from your partner. It takes time for them to heal depending on the gravity of your deceit. Allow them to move at their own pace and do not keep bothering them to forgive you. Just let them know that when they you are there patiently waiting for their forgiveness. Respect your partner’s boundaries.

5. Expect that your partner will be more skeptic from now on

After being lied to, your partner will be on to you like crazy. They would not like being deceived again so they are very careful now about all the things you do and say. They will no longer easily believe in you without being smothered by a lot of questions. They are evaluating whether you are back to being a trustworthy person or not. When dealing with this, just keep answering the questions you are being asked and be transparent all the time. Once they feel that you are being really honest with them, their skepticism will continually reduce until you are back to being the person who holds their full trust.

6. Let your partner know that it will never happen again

Constant reassurance that it is never going to happen again will ease your partner’s doubts in you. Keep telling them that you can never afford to do it again because you value your relationship. Promise your partner that you are never going to hurt their feelings again and that you learned your lesson.

7. Keep your word

Never, ever break your promises to a person you once lied to. It is not enough that you tell them that it is never going to happen again. Instead, show them that you are a person who keeps your promises and that you are a person worthy of earning back their trust. Let them see you work hard to regain what you have lost in your relationship. Your partner is sure to slowly trust you again. It may take a long time, but it is all worth the wait and effort once you finally rebuild that solid foundation of trust in your relationship. When you do, make sure that nothing can ever break it again.

Author: Rac

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