What to Do When You Feel Insecure in a Relationship

• Don’t let feelings of insecurity or past life experiences negatively affect your perceptions, thoughts or behavior towards your partner, especially those that can damage his/her trust in you. Learn to recognize when your resentments, jealousy or suspicions are unfounded (distancing yourself from drama queens/kings would be a good start) – don’t worry about things that probably won’t happen, try to give the benefit of the doubt and always be patient, understanding and positive.

However, don’t hesitate to bring up genuine problems or issues you think needs to be discussed (and in a non-confrontational manner) – this includes things involving the future ranging from the trivial (such as whether how much, if any, contact with exes is acceptable) to important life decisions that you may need to make together. Clear communication in both directions is essential.

• Think of yourself as a worthy partner who brings your fair share to the table in what makes the relationship work – you’re not “dating up” or “less valuable”.

• Remind yourself (and more indirectly and subtly to your partner) that there are others who would like to be in his/her place. On a related note, don’t be envious of other relationships as more often than not it’s only the positive sides that are visible – all relationships has its low points, including yours, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

• Don’t be too reliant on your partner for too many aspects of your life – the less the better. Imagine that he/she could disappear from your life at any moment and structure your life accordingly (and that includes sufficient “alone” time). It’s nice to know that you can 100% rely on yourself (emotionally, physically, financially and more) if you ever have to face a struggle on your own.

Similarly, you can’t depend on the words or actions of your partner (or anyone else) to help with your feelings of insecurity; you need to become strong and confident from the inside. One important part of this is simply accepting and being at peace with that fact that not everything is in your control (including other people’s feelings).

• Increase your confidence in other areas of your life by not being too hard on yourself and acknowledging (and further developing) your strengths.

• Do your best to look your best (exercise, dress up, do your hair, etc.) – it will help with your self-esteem and your partner will appreciate it. DON’T use it as a crutch though, nor as a mask to hide your true self behind. Neither should you force him/her to dress or behave to your liking.

Author: Rac

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