Interview With Lyndsey Murray, MS, LPC, CST


No matter what job I have, I’ve always seen clients for therapy through it all. When I reflect on the sex education I received in school, I have nothing significant to say about it, and I’d imagine many others don’t either.

By combining my fascination for relationship dynamics, my STRONG belief that couples can save their relationship, and the desire to help partners become lovers again, I continued my education and am now a Certified Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). I now focus my practice on sexuality to become a better therapist and educator for my clients.
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What can be done to save a relationship that’s falling apart?

If it feels like a relationship is falling apart, it is worth examining a few things: 1) Communication, 2) Expectations, 3) Values, morals, and life goals. If any of those don’t match between you and your partner, they need to be addressed and understood. When these are examined, it could either mean that the relationship grows stronger and more connected, but it could also mean that one or both partners realize this is not the right relationship for them. In talking about these things and being vulnerable, you risk the relationship ending and this is usually why people don’t want to go down the hard path of talking about the “hard stuff.” Remember that relationships are about compatibility and being true to yourself whether you are single or in a committed relationship.

What should a woman do when her boyfriend is always too busy for her?

Every person feels differently about what constitutes being “too busy,” and I would gauge how your boyfriend feels about this. I would also examine what emotions are coming up for you – is it sadness, abandonment, frustration, or even jealousy when he is too busy for you? And are those emotions justifiable? Emotions are valid but not always logical and it’s worth exploring that for yourself. In doing so, you may either become okay with the time spent apart and learn to accept this as part of your relationship, or you may decide that there is an incompatibility between the two of you regarding how much quality time you should be spending together. If this is an incompatibility, your boyfriend can make choices to spend more time with you or you can decide what you’d like to do if he doesn’t make that choice.

What tips do you have on beating narcissists at their own game?

My advice is to be strong with your boundaries and trust your intuition that your version of reality is the truth. Don’t let everything be about them; remember that your needs are important in a relationship and look for the signs of when they are turning things back on you and shut down that narrative. Also resist the urge to have extreme emotional reactions to what they say – respond only to their words and assess the level of emotional safety in confiding in them when you do have negative emotions. If you don’t feel safe confiding in them, find outside support through family, friends, or a professional.

What are the best direct and indirect ways for a man or woman to confess to someone that they like them?

My advice is always to be direct – it could be anything from “Hey, I like you!” to “Can I take you on a date?” Usually when someone is asked out on a date, they will know this means that the other person likes them. Indirect ways can easily create a lot of confusion around the expectations of the type of relationship you want to have with them (such as, they could think you are just friends when in reality you do not view them as just a friend), so clearing up any misunderstandings early on is the way to go.

How should a woman interpret a man calling her ‘babe’ when they’re not romantically involved?

I wouldn’t interpret it a certain way until I spoke to them. If ‘babe’ is something you associate with being in a romantic relationship, I would express this and ask how they view that nickname. They may view it as a word they use with all of their friends, and getting that information now leads to more understanding behind the meaning (or possible lack of meaning) behind it.

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