How to tell your husband you want a separation

Asking your husband for a separation is one of the toughest conversations a woman can have in her lifetime. You have a whole lot of emotions going through your mind ranging from anticipation to fear and sometimes, guilt. If you are willing and ready to go through this, here are some tips that would help you make the process easier.

Choose A Great Time/Place

Depending on the kind of person your partner is, this kind of discussion should be held in a private place. In cases where your partner has earlier exhibited abusive or violent traits, you might want to have this discussion in a public place, especially if you feel like he might hit you. Make time out to have the conversation and do not be in a hurry. If you both have children, ensure you do it have this discussion in their presence.

Evdvard Munch's 'Separation', 1896, oil on canvas
Evdvard Munch’s ‘Separation’, 1896, oil on canvas

Expect A Reaction

If you have previously talked about your marital issues with your spouse, you should have a faint idea of how he’ll react to this. Prepare yourself to get different emotions from him. One piece of advice is to talk to a therapist or counselor beforehand, so he or she would tell you the best way to go about it. You need to be careful of your words, reactions and behavior. It is never an easy thing to do, so just remain calm as no single action of yours can make him feel better.

Discuss Outcomes Of The Separation

After you must have told your spouse what you want, the next thing to do is to establish the exact thing you want for the separation. As hurtful as it might be, you and your spouse need to be on the same page. A separation doesn’t always have to end in divorce. It could be a stepping stone to a divorce, or it could be a period to take time alone and think of the hopes of reconciliation. Whichever the case may be, it is better to lay it out at an early stage. This gives clarity from the start.

Set A Limit

One thing you should do when asking your husband for a separation is to set a time limit. It could be weeks, months, half a year or a full year. Setting a limit would prevent both of you from dragging on for a longer period of time. Also, if you realize you keep asking for time to talk things over or stay apart, it may just be the time to end the marriage. It might get to a point where neither of you are willing to stay and fight for the marriage you had before. It is at that moment you will get to realize that both of you are better off apart.

Telling your husband you want a separation is difficult on its own, but how you say it can make the difference between a reconciliation and a divorce. Remember to remain as discreet as possible, as you should only tell close friends and family, rather than announce it on social media. Remember to remain calm all through the whole period.

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