Is it a bad idea to take a break from someone? Do you owe your partner something when you take some time apart? What is the difference between a break and a breakup?
When my boyfriend broke up with me, he initially asked for space.
According to Berit “Brit” Brogaard, author of On Romantic Love, a break is not a breakup: it’s pause from the other person – a period to think without having to be around the person during the thinking period. According to him, the rules of the relationship do not change, and each person only gets the time to think about whether the relationship should continue – but they do not go out to test the waters to see whether there are better fish in the sea.
I did not entertain the idea that my then boyfriend only wants some time apart because he admitted that he was already seeing someone else. I disagreed giving him the break he was asking and right there I told him that he’s therefore not asking for a break, but a breakup instead.
For Brogaard, a break is only applicable when a couple still wants to save their relationship. A breakup, on the other hand, is the thing you, your partner, or both of you choose when there is a plan that the relationship has to end. Meaning, you, your partner, or both of you agree to discontinue the romantic relationship that you have. You could be friends, or just be strangers once more.
Don’t be just like people who resort to breakup right away. Here, I will give you 7 tips on HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS SPACE BUT NOT BREAKUP:
IDENTIFY THE SOURCE OF CONFLICT
Ask her the reason why, because there has to be at least one instance that triggered her to ask you some time apart. Most girls, unfortunately, would not tell right away the real reason and will most of the time let you guess. If step one does not work, proceed to the next step.
Dig deep into your memory lane and think about the possible scenarios that possibly made her decide to ask for a break. Did you just make her feel she has to doubt? Did she tell you anything about someone she just met?
TALK ABOUT SOLUTIONS
Once you have identified the root of the problem, it’s time to find alternative solutions before saying “yes” to the break she is asking for. Try to ask her if she is available for a meet-up, or ask her for a short drive and go somewhere where she could breathe some fresh air, so that she could at least release what’s bothering her. This is a win-win solution, because she gets to release her stress, and you could also personally verify the problems on your “guess list” when she didn’t tell you everything! If this will or won’t work, proceed to the next step.
DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH
Ask her friends if she had opened up already about something unusual. This is very tricky, because most of the time, her real friends would not help you once she had talked to them already. Always be vigilant on who you’re asking help from, otherwise, they will spill the beans to your girlfriend because they, too, have no idea what you’re up to. The key here is to win her friends, too.
If you have already done the four steps, this is now the time to decide.
Nothing beats the ever-classic advice of our elderly. Surrender everything to the Lord, and let Him do His work on her heart.
GIVE HER ASSURANCE THAT YOU WOULD BE WAITING
If you gave her a “yes” to her request for a break, make it clear to her that you will have to meet again after the period of time you have agreed upon for her to have a break. Remember that you have to assure her that there is someone who’s still waiting for her.
I hope these tips have given you an idea on how to handle this kind of situation.