Every now and then, we get suspicions about our partners that we may not be able to shake off or even discuss with them (if you’ve never had those, congratulations you’re one of the lucky ones). Some of us go on to handle it properly by having that discussion with them. Some others do not handle it so well and may have to resort to alternative measures like going through their stuff. While snooping is not exactly okay, it doesn’t make you a bad person either. In fact, every woman has probably done it at some point in their relationships. So if you’ve gone through your boyfriend’s phone (whether or not you found anything suspect), don’t beat yourself up, you’re not alone.
The first thing you need to realize about snooping is that you’ll eventually have to own up to it. Even if you found something to be angry about, you still need to admit to yourself that you invaded his personal space and broke his trust. So before you confront him about what you may or may not have found, you’ll need to explain the source of that information. And the truth is, even if you decide to hold on to that information, it will definitely come up some day, either as an unconscious statement or in the heat of an argument. Either way, in whatever scenario you conjure, keeping the fact that you snooped away from your boyfriend never ends in your favor.
Now while you’re revealing the fact that you snooped to him, make sure you have the conversation under control. If you indeed found something, there is the tendency that he will turn the argument around and have you looking like an insecure mess. Do not let that happen. Do not let your action be used as an excuse to treat you badly. Redirect the conversation to the issue and if apologies are necessary, make sure that you get them without coming off as aggressive or manipulative.
Also, if you have questions that need to be answered, make sure you get those answers. He already knows you snooped, he’s going to have negative feelings about that anyway so you might as well get some clarification while you’re at it. Ask him for the truth and then you can decide what to do with the information you get in that moment.
Finally, you have to reassure him that you had good intentions. At this point, there’s no need to lie about stumbling on his phone or coincidentally finding the note while doing the laundry. You have nothing to gain from playing mind games. Make him understand that you understand his anger or disappointment (whichever he may be feeling at the time) and that it won’t happen again. Whether he forgives you or not is up to him, (chances are that if you love each other, you can work it out) but at least you’ll not be investing your emotions and time on a relationship founded on lies and deceit. You may also need to ask yourself why you felt the need to go snooping through his stuff. If there are signs that you’re intentionally ignoring, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate what you really want from your relationship.