Being in a relationship could be the best or worst thing depending on who, when, and how you decide to work thing out. Sometimes, you may think you know exactly what you’re doing until you realize some months down the line that there are a lot of things that you’ve missed. Now your partner is talking about moving in together or even walking down the aisle and you’re thinking to yourself, “Is this really what I want right now? What if we moved too fast with all of this?” If this is where you’re at and you really feel like you need to slow down your relationship, then you need to ask yourself a few questions. Once you do this, you’ll find that the answers to these questions will decide the next step that you take in the relationship.
First, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, “Do I really understand what I’m doing in this relationship?” It is very easy to fall into patterns and get consumed by the infatuation that you’ve probably mistaken for love. You need to take the relationship apart and identify the problem areas. Do you think you spend too much time with your partner? Have your feelings gone further than they should have at this point? Do your goals align with those of your partner? Are you already sacrificing your goals for this relationship? Are you more excited about the idea of the relationship than the relationship itself? All these questions will help you properly assess where your relationship is at in the moment.
Now that you think you may know what the problem is, you need to speak to your partner about it. It would be impossible to slow things down, if you’re the only who thinks/knows that it’s moving too fast. Let them know how you’re feeling and try to resolve it with them. Remind them that you’re still interested in the relationship but you just want to cut back on a couple of things. Through all of this, understand that they may not feel the same way you do so it’s your duty to make them understand. Once you can achieve this, it would be much easier to define the pace and direction you both want the relationship to go.
Also, do not force anything. If your partner insists that there isn’t a problem, maybe it’s time to move on from. It is never okay to force people to do something they are not comfortable and it would never be okay for you to lose yourself in pursuit of a relationship. Sometimes it’s okay to accept that the relationship has run its course, and you can totally let go.
Finally, once you and your partner have agreed to take things slow, stick to the plan. Nothing will change until you do, so be intentional about addressing those problem areas you initially identified. Work on those things that set you off in the relationship and pull back on those that make you feel like you’re hurrying. If you need to put a hold on some of your long term plans, then by all means do. However, remember that taking it slow doesn’t mean avoiding your partner; it simply means trying to build a life together while acknowledging your individualities.