When a guy says he will call you back but doesn’t

• Should a woman call back a man who said he’d call her but didn’t? Why or why not?

Andrew Byrne, LMFT:

This question may be more complex than it appears as I can see gendered and cultural implications and undertones, which can influence one’s perspective on this. Perhaps there are unspoken agreements about the nature and process of dating based on one’s cultural background, which may want to be considered in answering this question. But for the purposes of this question, and in the interest of breaking down some of these potentially toxic and rigid ideas about dating, I would say simply that if it matches your integrity, whether you are a man or a woman, feel free to be the one who takes the lead. Increasingly, men are appreciating women who take charge and take the risk of making the first move. Whether you call him or not, you will be guided by the information that you have. If you don’t call, you can only be informed by the information, and insecurities, in your head, not on any objective fact. However, if you do call him, at the very least you will get confirmation of his interest, or lack thereof, of wanting to pursue any further relationship. If the behavior of not calling when he says he will is a consistent part of your ongoing interactions, you may want to ask a different question and evaluate whether this person actually respects you, and I think we have to be careful of acting without adequate information.

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