Most people seem to find it very hard to be vulnerable in a relationship. Probably because they think vulnerability is weakness. That’s what makes them so frightened of it. Being vulnerable is in no way related to being weak nor submissive. It does not mean giving up the power to control to the other person.
Vulnerability, if you ask me, is about strength. It is about mustering a great deal of courage to allow yourself to be exposed emotionally. It is to let someone else see who you really are. It is to uncover all your emotions, reveal everything inside you. By being vulnerable with a man, you take yourself to another level with him, and that is INTIMACY. When you become intimate with a man, you let him inside your heart.
But how do you make yourself vulnerable with a man?
You must learn to EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Miscommunication is a big relationship problem couples face. Some women have the tendency to keep their feelings inside of them. They think men have superpowers and can read women’s minds.
Admit that you’re guilty of this, too. You assume that your man can assess the situation and easily tell what you’re feeling. When he asks, you usually say the opposite of what you really want to say. For example, when your guy asks if you’re okay, you automatically reply “I’m fine” even when the truth is you’re not. Your man assumes you ARE okay while you remain feeling unwell. You get annoyed at him for being so insensitive, thus, initiating a fight. You think your man has the ability to tell whatever’s going on your mind? Well, fact check, HE DOESN’T.
It is up to you to convey what you really feel to your man. If he did something that upset you, let him know. If he said something that offended you, tell him straight to his face. Do not be afraid of telling him what you are really feeling. This allows him to know more about you. It replaces the guessing-game with understanding.
Now let’s go back to the previous example. He asks you if you’re okay. You reply with, “I am not. You hurt my feelings with what you said.” He apologizes to you and you both discuss about the thing that got you upset. You make up. Problem solved.
When you learn to properly express your feelings to him, you make it easier to communicate with him. As you understand more about each other, your bond becomes tighter.
Another thing you should work on is how to OPEN YOURSELF UP TO HIM. Let him know about previous heartbreaks and pains. By telling him more about your past, he develops a deeper understanding of your personality. Through openness you connect with your man in a more meaningful and satisfying way.
Let him know about the controlling ex-boyfriend you had. Tell him about the previous toxic relationship you had with an abuser. Tell him about that one time you got cheated on.
Let him see through all your cracks and imperfections. To be vulnerable is to allow yourself to be emotionally naked. He will learn to embrace who you truly are when he learns every part of you – even the bad ones – and will appreciate you even more.
Understand that it is okay to LEAN ON HIM EMOTIONALLY when you start opening up to him. Do not think of it as coming off as needy or desperate. It’s only natural to lean on to your man every once in a while.
As you learn to become vulnerable with him, you let him see the tender and fragile parts of you for him to truly see you. You feel safer to be with your man. Your man will serve as your provider and protector when he sees that delicate side of yours. He will make you feel protected and taken care of. This will make your relationship stronger for your man will realize how to meet your emotional needs. Vulnerability will foster a more emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship.
Vulnerability, as I have said, is about strength. Dealing with expression, openness, and leaning of emotions involves a great deal of sheer willpower. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a man is to take a huge risk. You know what they say, the higher the risk is, the higher the reward. The reward that you get here is the love that is formed through the emotional connection you make while letting yourself be truly seen. It might take you an awful lot of time before you can be vulnerable with a man, just know that when you are finally ready to take a baby step towards vulnerability, you’re going to get the purest form of love that there is in this world.