My boyfriend doesn’t trust me

The importance of trust in any relationship cannot be overemphasized. Relationships where both parties trust each other healthily grow and develop into long-lasting bonds. However, trust doesn’t come readily for some people, and one may be in a relationship where their boyfriend doesn’t trust them.

When your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, the relationship will most probably become strained. In situations when one’s boyfriend does not trust them, they are usually plagued with thoughts on how to earn their boyfriend’s trust and rekindle the spark in the relationship.

We bring you some pointers on how to earn your boyfriend’s trust also pointing out some things that may have made you lose his trust gradually.

Why you probably lost your boyfriend’s trust

You don’t tell them the truth all the time

In your defense, you may have thought that they do not need to know everything you’re involved in, and that’s why tell you tell a white lie every now and then. Those white lies have resulted in you eventually losing their trust.

You don’t involve them enough

This also stems from telling those white lies and keeping some part of your life away from them. When your boyfriend finds out that there’s a part of your life he knows very little about, you will begin to lose his trust.

Generally, losing the trust of one’s boyfriends is caused by several factors which begin with not being completely honest with them. So, the starting point is being honest with them. The way you should go with regaining your boyfriend’s trust is highlighted below.

Identify the problem

It is essential to find out what made your boyfriend stop trusting you as this differs amongst relationships. You could begin to trace events back to when you noticed he started asking more questions on your whereabouts or being more snoopy. If you can’t identify the problem, you could reach out to them and ask them why things have changed. When they see that you are genuinely trying to make up on things, they will open up to you.

Work on the problem

A general method for handling trust issues with one’s partner is to become more honest. Tell them about things even when they do not ask, and make them feel more involved in every aspect of your life genuinely.

You should also put in more effort into spending quality time with them. The goal shouldn’t be a short-term adjustment but adjustments that will be sustainable since the goal is to regain the spark in the relationship and not make them trust you for a short period and go back to not trusting you.

Start with simple things and take your time

You shouldn’t expect everything to change immediately. Remember that they stopped trusting you for a reason. As long as you are dedicated to regaining their trust, your genuine efforts will pay off. They may resist your efforts initially, and that shouldn’t stop your efforts.

It is also important to note that trust is very fragile. So, you should be completely genuine with your efforts at regaining their trust. Starting with a sincere apology, work towards regaining their trust steadily.

Dating a woman with trust issues

UNDERSTAND HER PAIN

You can’t deal with something you don’t understand. That is why the first thing that you should be doing when dating a woman with trust issues is to UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH. Know that she has faced a great deal of pain from her previous experiences. That is why she acts with extreme precaution. She is always skeptical about your actions and doubts your intentions. You can’t blame her for acting that way because she must have had her trust broken multiple times already. It’s only natural for her to guard herself now to protect herself from anymore heartbreaks.

When you finally and truly understand her, you will know how to deal with her issues. You will know how to break her walls and make your way inside her carefully-guarded heart.

BE PATIENT WITH HER

When she acts as if she is brushing you off, don’t immediately start thinking that she does not like you. She simply acts like that at first because she is too cautious. She is just observing you from a distance and assessing your personality whether you deserve to be trusted or not. If you really like her, continue pursuing her by letting her know that you want to see her again but make sure to respect her boundaries.

It will take a long time before she really opens herself to you and completely show what she feels about you. She can be very secretive at first because she doesn’t want to let out a lot of information about herself. So, remember to be the first one to initiate a conversation during the get-to-know stage because she won’t be doing it for fear that she would be thought of as needy.

Know that she wants to take things slowly because she does not want to make the same mistakes she did in the past. You will not be seeing her true nature until she’s done carefully evaluating your worthiness of being given her trust. It actually is a good thing to move at a slow pace because she will notice that you are really taking the time to get to know her and she will be acknowledging your patience.

Continue being patient with her and you soon will see the fruits of your own hard work. Once she sees how patient and persistent you are to get her, she will know your true worth and show you her inner beauty.

LISTEN TO HER

Pay attention to what she says because women like to be heard. When she’s not yet too comfortable around you, she will still be on her guard. The words coming out of her mouth can be contrary to what she’s really trying to tell so make sure to notice her facial expressions and body language when she talks to you. You can tell by her actions whether she still wants to talk to you or she’s starting to feel uncomfortable.

When she finally begins to be confident around you, she might start talking about past experiences that continue to haunt her until now. When she does, listen to every word that she is saying. You might be able to identify the triggers that will remind her of past nightmares. When you know about her triggers, you will be able to handle her issues very well and not repeat the same mistakes that have cause her pain. This will help you with your relationship with her when you proceed to the next level because you are able to understand her deeper. You won’t be seeing her as a paranoid woman with sick issues for you will perfectly embrace what she is. Plus, this will save you the trouble of going through a lot of terrible fights.

BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH HER

If you really want to be with a woman with trust issues, then this is the thing that you have to swear upon your life – COMPLETE HONESTY. From the very beginning, a woman with trust issues will never entirely believe what you say. She has heard enough lies in her lifetime that got her suffering to this very day. She trained herself to be skeptic with the things she hears because she does not want to be an easy target. She could not afford to get her heart broken once again.

When working through her heart, just tell the truth. Don’t make false promises to her for her ears are deaf to those empty promises. Instead, let your actions speak for you. Show her that you have honest intentions. Let her see your worth. Make her believe that you are not some douchebag who just knows his way with words. Just show her the real you. Once she gives you her full trust, never ever break it.

How to gain trust back in a relationship after lying

Trust is the most crucial element of a relationship. It is to have complete faith in your partner in anything and everything. Building trust in a relationship is a difficult step that most couples hardly overcome but the couples who have built a strong foundation of trust endure the most difficult hurdles that come along their way. With trust, they make their partners free. No doubts, no suspicions, and no worries. However, once you have each other’s full trust, it does not mean that nothing can topple it down. One small mistake can send your relationship to the bottom, and you are back to square one with the trust thing. Earning trust is difficult enough, what more when you have to rebuild it after breaking it? It might seem impossible, but with enough effort, you can.

1. Confess the truth

You owe your partner the truth when you lie. Telling the truth will set you free from the heavy burden of keeping a secret from your partner. No matter how bad the thing you lied about is, it is important that your partner knows all about it. Never deny anything from them when they already know that you were lying. It will only make the situation worse for your relationship and earning back their trust will be close to impossible. Admit everything that your partner needs to know of, even the tiniest of details. Only in honesty will you have a chance at being forgiven.

2. Allow your partner to vent

When they have an emotional outburst upon learning the truth, do not be surprised. It is only natural for them to have that reaction after being lied to. Do not react negatively when they vent out their emotions. They deserve to let all their anger out at you. Allow them to express what they are feeling. Expect a lot of yelling or crying which are normal expressions of those who are hurt. However, when your partner starts lashing out at you physically, it is best for you to leave them first. Give them all the space they need to contemplate about the situation, but make sure to let them feel that you are still there for them.

3. Apologize with utmost sincerity

Let your partner know that you are deeply sorry for what you have done and that you regret ever doing it. Merely saying sorry is not enough and can be considered very insensitive. When asking for an apology, it is best to make them feel that you regret what you have done wholeheartedly, and it is never your intention to hurt them. Do not try to justify why you tried to lie, and never ever tell them that you did it for their own good. It was your choice to lie and it was never an option.

4. Let your partner take his time to heal

After apologizing, do not expect outright forgiveness from your partner. It takes time for them to heal depending on the gravity of your deceit. Allow them to move at their own pace and do not keep bothering them to forgive you. Just let them know that when they you are there patiently waiting for their forgiveness. Respect your partner’s boundaries.

5. Expect that your partner will be more skeptic from now on

After being lied to, your partner will be on to you like crazy. They would not like being deceived again so they are very careful now about all the things you do and say. They will no longer easily believe in you without being smothered by a lot of questions. They are evaluating whether you are back to being a trustworthy person or not. When dealing with this, just keep answering the questions you are being asked and be transparent all the time. Once they feel that you are being really honest with them, their skepticism will continually reduce until you are back to being the person who holds their full trust.

6. Let your partner know that it will never happen again

Constant reassurance that it is never going to happen again will ease your partner’s doubts in you. Keep telling them that you can never afford to do it again because you value your relationship. Promise your partner that you are never going to hurt their feelings again and that you learned your lesson.

7. Keep your word

Never, ever break your promises to a person you once lied to. It is not enough that you tell them that it is never going to happen again. Instead, show them that you are a person who keeps your promises and that you are a person worthy of earning back their trust. Let them see you work hard to regain what you have lost in your relationship. Your partner is sure to slowly trust you again. It may take a long time, but it is all worth the wait and effort once you finally rebuild that solid foundation of trust in your relationship. When you do, make sure that nothing can ever break it again.