What Does “Taking It Slow” Mean To a Guy?

You may think everything is perfect and going according to plan until one day your man hits you with, “I think things are moving a little too fast right now. I think we should slow it down”. In this moment, your head is spinning and you’re wondering what it all means. This has been the reality of so many people and unfortunately most of them failed to handle the situation properly because they didn’t even understand what was going on. So when a guy tells you he want to slow it down, what exactly is he trying to tell you?

  • He’s trying to get you know you better. It’s very easy to meet and feel like we have an instant connection with them. While this sounds very dreamy, in the long run, real feelings are what hold a relationship down. He might just be taking his time to get to know you well so he doesn’t miss anything and he is fully aware of what he’s getting himself. So even though it might not be what you want you hear in that moment, if this is the case, you relationship will be the better for it.
  • He’s confused. Even though this may seem unlikely for most guys, as they appear to always have their feelings in check, sometimes they really have no clue what they’re doing. Relationships are hard work and commitment is a really big deal. Anyone who takes them seriously would need to be very clear about their feelings before deciding to be in one. You may be kind and an absolute delight to have around, but is he completely sure that he wants to be with you? If he is torn and asking all these internal questions, then he is very likely to ask that you slow things down.
  • You’re becoming too much too soon. It’s not uncommon to find a guy that you like and immediately want to do and be everything for him. It is a sweet gesture, but not everyone appreciates it nonetheless. Some people need to be able to recognize themselves in relationships and being with someone who is always there gets in the way of that. In that case, he just needs you take a step back and allow him recover his personal space.
  • He’s not ready yet. This may sound confusing but it’s very true. He may totally into you but is simply unable to commit in that moment. Maybe he has personal projects that need his immediate attention, or he’s in a bad place and needs to take care of himself first. It might seem like a hard pill to swallow at first, but it definitely beats being in a relationship with someone who just isn’t going to give it his best.
  • He’s simply not interested. This is a truth that no one wants to admit to themselves, but sometimes when a guy wants to take things slow, he’s just not interested in being with you. The sooner you figure this out and come to terms with it, the better and happier you feel.

Now I know it’s not exactly easy to figure out which of these reasons your man is telling you to slow things down, you’ll never know until you face it head on. Ask him questions and demand honest answers. Understanding the reason for his decision, is definitely a step in the right direction for your relationship and general wellbeing.

 

How to Slow Down a Relationship

Being in a relationship could be the best or worst thing depending on who, when, and how you decide to work thing out. Sometimes, you may think you know exactly what you’re doing until you realize some months down the line that there are a lot of things that you’ve missed. Now your partner is talking about moving in together or even walking down the aisle and you’re thinking to yourself, “Is this really what I want right now? What if we moved too fast with all of this?” If this is where you’re at and you really feel like you need to slow down your relationship, then you need to ask yourself a few questions. Once you do this, you’ll find that the answers to these questions will decide the next step that you take in the relationship.

First, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, “Do I really understand what I’m doing in this relationship?” It is very easy to fall into patterns and get consumed by the infatuation that you’ve probably mistaken for love. You need to take the relationship apart and identify the problem areas. Do you think you spend too much time with your partner? Have your feelings gone further than they should have at this point? Do your goals align with those of your partner? Are you already sacrificing your goals for this relationship? Are you more excited about the idea of the relationship than the relationship itself? All these questions will help you properly assess where your relationship is at in the moment.

Now that you think you may know what the problem is, you need to speak to your partner about it. It would be impossible to slow things down, if you’re the only who thinks/knows that it’s moving too fast. Let them know how you’re feeling and try to resolve it with them. Remind them that you’re still interested in the relationship but you just want to cut back on a couple of things. Through all of this, understand that they may not feel the same way you do so it’s your duty to make them understand. Once you can achieve this, it would be much easier to define the pace and direction you both want the relationship to go.

Also, do not force anything. If your partner insists that there isn’t a problem, maybe it’s time to move on from. It is never okay to force people to do something they are not comfortable and it would never be okay for you to lose yourself in pursuit of a relationship. Sometimes it’s okay to accept that the relationship has run its course, and you can totally let go.

Finally, once you and your partner have agreed to take things slow, stick to the plan. Nothing will change until you do, so be intentional about addressing those problem areas you initially identified. Work on those things that set you off in the relationship and pull back on those that make you feel like you’re hurrying. If you need to put a hold on some of your long term plans, then by all means do. However, remember that taking it slow doesn’t mean avoiding your partner; it simply means trying to build a life together while acknowledging your individualities.