How to Deal With the Silent Treatment from Your Spouse

One of the commonest ways couples fight is when one of them give the other person the silent treatment. Often times, the silent treatment happens when a partner pressures the other with complaints or requests but is met with total silence. It can be extremely frustrating for the other partner, as it causes more harm than good. The situation is a tricky one, so knowing how to deal with is key. Here are some practical ways to tackle this issue.

Understand the Reason

Sometimes, a lot of people have challenges in expressing how they feel about certain issues, so they bottle up their feelings and stay on their own. If your spouse falls into this category of people, then it’s very likely that they’ll give you the silent treatment, especially when they feel they can’t match your communication level. As the other person, you need to understand the reasons why your spouse gives you the silent treatment. That is the only way you can move forward in your relationship. It becomes both of you against the problem, rather than both of you against each other.

Talk About It

Communication is important in any relationship, so after you must have understood the reason for the silent treatment, talk to your partner about it. You must tread carefully here and try not to make “passive-aggressive” statements but clear and genuine ones. Start off by telling your partner how much you love and care about them, after which you go straight to the point. Talk about how you feel whenever they give you the silent treatment, and how it is taking a toll on your relationship. Ensure you say all this in a loving, friendly but firm tone.

Apologize When Necessary

Another way to deal with the silent treatment issue is to apologize if you have truly said something hurtful or hateful to your partner. Admit when you are wrong and sincerely take time out to apologize. However, you should never apologize for something you didn’t do. Rather, try to be supportive by being empathetic. Understand the situation so as to close the gap that has come between you two, if not, the gap would keep getting wider.

Set New Rules

After you and your partner must have talked about it, you should set new rules for communication. A good way to start this is to calm down after having a quarrel. Rather than have your emotions get flooded with intense feelings, take time out to calm down. After that, you can come back and talk through the conflict. This would resolve the issues you have as quickly as possible.

Finally, you and your partner would need to figure out healthier ways to confront all the situations you will be faced with. As much as you might not find a solution immediately, it will be a learning curve for both of you. If the situation is managed in a proper and healthy manner, then it would be a thing of the past.

When a Woman is Silent

Everyone claims they don’t like to be around people who talk too much. Try being around someone who doesn’t talk at all. While being silent is not always a bad thing, if a woman suddenly goes unusually quiet, you may want to start asking a few questions. So if you’ve noticed that the sound of a woman’s has become a rarity, it may be due to some of these reasons.

  • She’s done something she’s not proud of. At one point in time, we have gone down a path or done something that in retrospect we’re not exactly proud of. Talking about such things may not exactly be easy. If you’re used to talking about everything with her then this silence might even be more obvious. If you suspect that this is the case, you can encourage her that there’s no judgement with you and that she can confide in you. Be careful however not to push too hard because that may cause her to with draw even further.
  • She’s confused: Sometimes a woman is silent when she’s trying to sort through her feelings or the chaotic events in her life. It’s either she’s trying to solve her problems on her own or she’s trying to figure out a way to tell you about it. Either way, give her enough room without making her feel like she’s doing something wrong by keeping you out of the loop.
  • She doesn’t think explaining herself is worth the effort: If you have recently gotten into an argument with her (especially about matters that keep recurring in your arguments), she may decide that taking it further is just not worth her time. She may be feeling like you’re adamant and set in your ways and therefore explaining her stance to you is an absolute waste of her time.
  • She’s happy: Happiness shows up in different forms. Not everyone runs around excited when they have something to be happy about. Some people just like to enjoy the moment and bask in the euphoria of it all. So next time you see a woman unusually quiet, try not to jump into the conclusion that something is wrong with her.
  • She’s trying to get your attention. If a woman starts to feel like she has run out of options, then she may start considering drastic solutions. Maybe she has been trying to get you to notice her or talk to her by starting conversations and always being around. If that proves ineffective, then she resorts to the big guns: silent treatment. By simply noticing her silence, her job is done.
  • She’s hungry: While this may sound funny and over the top, sometimes people are quiet just because they haven’t eaten. The truth is the feeling of hunger is not pleasant for anyone so she might just want to save whatever energy she has left and not interact at all,
  • She’s depressed. Your woman may be going through depression and can therefore not feel like involving you in her everyday life. If you know that this is the case, then you have to do your best to get her help. Make her feel as loved as possible, never try to shame her for “letting her feelings get the best of her”, encourage her to take her meds and see her doctor. In fact, just be there for her.

Why Men Give the Silent Treatment after a Breakup

When you were together, you thought that he would very likely be the person you’d spend the rest of your life with. Unfortunately, some good things do come to an end and your relationship was one of them. Now your ex-boyfriend who used to call at least three times a day doesn’t even respond to your texts anymore. Receiving the silent treatment is hard on almost everyone and if you’re in those shoes, you may start thinking that something is wrong with you. Slow down, there’s probably more to it than meets the eye. If you’ve recently parted ways with your man and he has been giving you the cold shoulder since then, it could be due to any of the following reasons.

  • He’s trying to deal with the pain. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment can drive you crazy. After all, you both decided to stay friends and keep in touch, why is he suddenly avoiding you? First of all, it’s not about you. Do not let this affect you too deeply. Right now, he probably just needs to separate himself from everything that reminds him of the hurt and disappointment of the breakup. It may be easy for you to continue to keep in touch with your ex after a breakup, but not everyone handles pain the same way. For now, just give him the space and the time he needs to get over whatever hurt he is feeling.
  • He misses you and he can’t admit it. This might be the case with your man especially if you’re the one who initiated the breakup. He knows that he misses you terribly and might not be able to handle remaining in the same space with you so he chose to keep a distance. Breakups are hurtful and some people might need more time to get over it than others.
  • He’s trying to hurt you. The truth is that not all relationships end amicably. Some end really badly and people leave feeling resentful. If that was your case, or if he tried to get you to reconsider the breakup and you refused, best believe he’s trying to spite you. You might want to accept the status quo and keep your distance from that man if you know for sure that that’s what he is doing.
  • He’s trying to cut off all strings. It’s no news that a lot of people keep falling in and out of bad relationships because they simply refuse to set boundaries after a breakup. He may be giving you the silent treatment because he doesn’t want to fall back into old habits. He know that the feelings are still there and it’s only the distance that will stop the both of you from messing around and ending up together again.
  • He needs a fresh start. Relationships are a huge part of one’s life and when they finally end, there’s a whole lot of readjusting to be done. If you continue to blur the lines with your ex, it may take you much longer to find yourself as a single person again. He know this and this is why he has decided to stop communicating with you.

If you’ve spent a lot of time wondering about why he isn’t picking your calls or showing up to events that you used to go on with your group of friends, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s most likely not about you.