Every woman’s hope when they go into a marriage is that they’re going into it with someone who will always have their back and support them. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. Some women have ended up in marriages with inconsiderate and selfish men who have done nothing but make their lives harder. The worst part is that some of them think it’s normal. This belief is not only ignorant but also toxic because at the end of the day, there’s only so much selfishness a woman can handle. This is not to say that any marriage is perfect or any woman has it all, but when one partner’s lack of care and concern for the other outshines his love, that marriage is headed for the rocks. If you’re not so sure whether your husband is selfish, you could look out for the following characteristics.
- He takes no interest in your life or your interests. If someone cares about you, they will take interest in the things that are important to you. That’s not the case with selfish husbands. A selfish husband does not care about your life or your aspirations, he pays no attention to your dreams and how he can help you achieve them. To a selfish husband, what you want does not matter because his wants will always be more important than yours.
- He never apologizes. A selfish husband always believes that he is never wrong. It doesn’t matter how clearly you’ve been hurt by his actions or his words, a selfish husband will never acknowledge it. He would probably just chuck it up to you taking his actions out of context or you being overly sensitive. Either way, your feelings do not matter to him and he makes sure that you always know this.
- His life and career will always be more important than yours. To a selfish husband, all that matters is that he sorts out his life and career first and yours will follow whatever path he has created. If you’re married to someone who constantly tries to undermine your work or insinuate that your career is not as important as his, we might have a selfish husband on our hands. Sometimes, it may even come cloaked as care. A selfish husband may say things like, I don’t want you to stress yourself working, just take care of the home”. To someone who is not observant, this may seem sweet but did he ever stop to ask you whether staying home is what YOU actually want? No? Then we have probably have a selfish husband on our hands.
- He is lazy and doesn’t help out at home. If your husband can see how much of your time and energy goes into taking care of the home and he never offers to help, he’s most likely one of the selfish ones. Life is tough and everyone deserves all the help they can get especially from the one who made vows to always be there for you. Therefore, if he is always creating messes that he never attempts to clear up, he’s probably selfish.
The truth is marriage is not easy but it definitely requires that both parties put in the work. Anything other than that is not ideal and should be worked on.
Why is my husband so selfish to me? This question is one that is not new to the ears of relationship experts and marriage counselors. When a spouse gets to the point where they have to ask this question, then you can tell how strained their relationship already is. Sometimes, these traits are obvious before marriage but we hope that can change them, other times there is absolutely no sign that the person you’re marrying will turn on you. Whatever the case may be, no one deserves to feel like they are in a marriage alone. If you’re caught in this position, then you need to understand why he is that way and how you want to deal with the answers you find. In this post, we’ll talk about some reasons why your husband is acting selfish towards you.
- He’s gotten used to you. Sometimes with spend a lot of time together (like in a marriage), there is a tendency for one of them to get so used to the other that they don’t make any efforts anymore. To him, he’s now so familiar with you that he doesn’t need to impress you anymore so he does whatever he wants to do. If you don’t speak and tell him how his selfishness is affecting you and your marriage, he may just go on thinking that he is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
- He expects you to understand. As relationships progress and people become older, they take on more responsibilities and their lives become harder to an extent. Given these circumstances, it is very easy for one partner to forget about the other’s needs with the hopes that they can see what they’re going through and understand. While this does not entirely make him a bad person, it assumes that your partner can read your minds and your feelings per time which is a ludicrous concept. So don’t chuck up your partner’s needs to, “Oh she can see that I’m trying to work on my life and my dreams, she should understand”. For husbands like this, speak to him and let him understand that he needs to let you in. Let him know how hurt you are and try to work it out with him. If he still cares about you, he will listen and make amends.
- You’ve always been the one to make sacrifices. If you’ve always been the one to bend over in the relationship, or you’ve been the one who has always had to give up their life or comfort for the relationship to work, you will end up with a husband who believes he can do as he pleases and still have his relationship intact. In this case, your husband will always feel like no matter how selfish his actions are towards you, you will eventually adjust and the balance would be restored in your marriage. If this is your relationship, then you need to rise up and make new rules. Make it clear that going forward, you intend to choose yourself every now and then and as you do this, keep your word. With time and a husband who loves you and is willing to work on your relationship, you should begin to see positive changes in no time.
Anyone who has had to deal with a selfish person can tell stories of how often they were hurt by their words or actions. Now imagine you had to share a life with this person, meaning they were always almost around. That’s what it’s like to be someone dealing with a selfish husband. Nothing erodes a marriage more quickly than a selfish spouse because marriage is a commitment to start treating yourself and your partner as two parts of a whole. If you’ve carefully assessed your marriage and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re married to a selfish man, it may be time to start figuring out ways to handle him. In this post, I’ve highlighted a few things you could try out.
- Talk to him. This may seem like a cliché but talking to your husband is one of the easiest ways to communicate to your husband that his actions are rubbing you the wrong way. The fact that you made it to marriage with person means that the both of you saw something in each other worth coming together. You should therefore be able to talk to your husband about anything that you’re not comfortable with. Be as genuine as possible and try not to make the conversation seem as if you’re coming at him. In as much as you want to make him feel comfortable during the conversation, make sure you’re always in control. A selfish person will most likely want to turn the conversation around and make themselves out to be the victim. Do not allow it. In all of this, make sure you don’t just pint out his selfishness but also how it is affecting you and your relationship.
- Talk to someone close to him. Everyone has that one person whose advice they take very seriously. Figure out who that person is for your husband and speak to them. Make sure you explain clearly to them how his actions are affecting you directly so that they can speak to him on your behalf. Also, ask them questions about him. They just might know something about dealing with him than you don’t.
- Suggest therapy. Now this is a very tricky one because a selfish person may be violently opposed to marriage counseling so you have to be very careful. Time the conversation so that it comes up even he is in a good mood. Try not to make it seem like you’re pointing fingers and blaming him for the failure of your relationship. Instead of saying things like, “we should see a therapist because your selfishness is ruining our marriage”, try saying, “our relationship could be even better than it is right now and counseling can help get us there”. And if you do convince him to try therapy, stay committed to it.
Remember, there’s only so much you can do to change how someone acts towards you. Focus on becoming a better person, do not try to pay them back in equal amounts of selfishness. If after all your efforts you realize that your husband is still not interested in becoming a better person for you and your relationship, it may be time to remove yourself from that environment. But before doing that, be absolutely sure that you’ve given it everything you’ve got.