My Boyfriend Says he Needs Space but Keeps Texting me

He broke your heart when he told you that he needs space. You think if it is ever possible to want to be away from the person that you love. You think about everything that you sacrificed just to be with him especially in times when he needs you most. You cry yourself to sleep only to receive text messages from him the day after he asked for space as if nothing happened. You are not really sure how to feel about it. When your boyfriend says he needs space but keeps texting you, is that something good or not?

  • Dazed and Confused. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is perhaps the most popular cliché used in break-ups. Another one is “I just need to find myself,” which is perhaps the most overused explanation of those who are asking for some space and some time apart. However, these words may really mean that there is nothing wrong with you as a girlfriend and that he’s just not sure whether or not he wants to be in a relationship or not. He may also be confused whether he is still in love with you or not anymore.
  • Wish Granted. Give him what he asks for. When you love someone, respect is also important. Therefore, if he wants some space, then respect his wish and grant it. While you want to do just the opposite, it would not be right to make him stay just because you want him to and it is not right for him to stay just to avoid hurting your feelings. If he does, he will only hurt you more because you will feel that he wants to be anywhere else but not with you. It will do both of you good as your time away will help determine whether you still want to be with each other or not.
  • About You. Sometimes, when your boyfriend asks for space, you are so focused with what he might be thinking or how he might be feeling that you forget to focus on your own thoughts and emotions. Whenever he texts you, use it as an opportunity to assess how you feel for him. Does his text make you feel happy and excited? Does it confuse you even more? Does it make you sad? Or have you noticed that you do not really care anymore?
  • Reservation. There are also times when men take you for granted knowing that they can keep you as a reserve whenever they are bored without having to stick to any commitment. That is why they take that commitment off the equation and play the field while keeping you waiting for him. You need to be very careful about such situations because it will cause you a lot of pain. It is best to set a timeline of until when you are going to wait for him to come back or if you are even willing to wait.

These are the things that you need to remember when your boyfriend says he needs space but keeps texting you.

Girlfriend wants space but not a break up!

Is it a bad idea to take a break from someone? Do you owe your partner something when you take some time apart? What is the difference between a break and a breakup?

When my boyfriend broke up with me, he initially asked for space.

According to Berit “Brit” Brogaard, author of On Romantic Love, a break is not a breakup: it’s pause from the other person – a period to think without having to be around the person during the thinking period. According to him, the rules of the relationship do not change, and each person only gets the time to think about whether the relationship should continue – but they do not go out to test the waters to see whether there are better fish in the sea.

I did not entertain the idea that my then boyfriend only wants some time apart because he admitted that he was already seeing someone else. I disagreed giving him the break he was asking and right there I told him that he’s therefore not asking for a break, but a breakup instead.

For Brogaard, a break is only applicable when a couple still wants to save their relationship. A breakup, on the other hand, is the thing you, your partner, or both of you choose when there is a plan that the relationship has to end. Meaning, you, your partner, or both of you agree to discontinue the romantic relationship that you have. You could be friends, or just be strangers once more.

Don’t be just like people who resort to breakup right away. Here, I will give you 7 tips on HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS SPACE BUT NOT BREAKUP:

  1. IDENTIFY THE SOURCE OF CONFLICT

Ask her the reason why, because there has to be at least one instance that triggered her to ask you some time apart. Most girls, unfortunately, would not tell right away the real reason and will most of the time let you guess. If step one does not work, proceed to the next step.

  1. RECALL

Dig deep into your memory lane and think about the possible scenarios that possibly made her decide to ask for a break. Did you just make her feel she has to doubt? Did she tell you anything about someone she just met?

  1. TALK ABOUT SOLUTIONS

Once you have identified the root of the problem, it’s time to find alternative solutions before saying “yes” to the break she is asking for. Try to ask her if she is available for a meet-up, or ask her for a short drive and go somewhere where she could breathe some fresh air, so that she could at least release what’s bothering her. This is a win-win solution, because she gets to release her stress, and you could also personally verify the problems on your “guess list” when she didn’t tell you everything! If this will or won’t work, proceed to the next step.

  1. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH

Ask her friends if she had opened up already about something unusual. This is very tricky, because most of the time, her real friends would not help you once she had talked to them already. Always be vigilant on who you’re asking help from, otherwise, they will spill the beans to your girlfriend because they, too, have no idea what you’re up to. The key here is to win her friends, too.

  1. DECIDE

If you have already done the four steps, this is now the time to decide.

  1. PRAY

Nothing beats the ever-classic advice of our elderly. Surrender everything to the Lord, and let Him do His work on her heart.

  1. GIVE HER ASSURANCE THAT YOU WOULD BE WAITING

If you gave her a “yes” to her request for a break, make it clear to her that you will have to meet again after the period of time you have agreed upon for her to have a break. Remember that you have to assure her that there is someone who’s still waiting for her.

I hope these tips have given you an idea on how to handle this kind of situation.

He wants space – should I text him?

When he is asking for space, should you jam with his music and play cool or should you still text him from time to time? You may feel the need to text him anyway just to check how he’s doing, what he is doing, what he thinks, how he feels, and more importantly, if there’s any chance that he will be coming back to you. It may vary from one situation to another but here are some things that you remember whenever you ask yourself, “He wants space should I text him?”

  • Third Party. There is a good reason why most people would think that there is somebody new whenever the boyfriend asks for space. That is because it is the top reason why the sense of longing to be with you ceases to be as intense as before. Most likely, your boyfriend wants some free time to be alone or most likely, to spend time on or with somebody else. This is rather harsh but in cases like this, like many others, the truth hurts but that pain will give you the strength to let go and move on. Should you text him or not? Well, check your feelings. Do you think it is worth fighting for or not?
  • Validation in Vain. If you want to send him a text message so he can reassure you that everything is fine and that soon, you will be back in each other’s arms, then, do not text him. He wants space so give him that as much as you can. If he wants to come back to you, let it be because he wants to but that does not mean that you will just wait for him. Be with other people who love you like your family and friends as they can give you even more validation that your boyfriend could give.
  • You’ve got the Power. While it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you or that you have done or said something wrong that’s why he is asking for space, that is not always the case. Sometimes, you feel that way because he asked for space. However, you can also use this space to evaluate your feelings for him. You should avoid texting him and focus on other things instead. He needs to understand that you are not just losing him but that you have a say in your relationship and that he is risking losing you too.
  • Maintenance Matters. There are also times when men ask for space because you are being too high maintenance. Sometimes you take up most of his time, his energy, his attention, that he does not have any time left for himself anymore. This is often reinforced by jealousy and insecurity so in such cases, you need to check if you are guilty of such issues or not.

It can be quite confusing when he says he wants space yet you have a lot of questions that you want to ask and things that you want to say. Just keep the things mentioned above in mind so you won’t do anything that you might regret.