If a guy is shy, getting him to break out of his shell and take your relationship to the next level may be a really tall order. The mere fact that you like him a lot or that he feels the same way won’t exactly change a thing. Unless he gets a push from you or someone else, you’ll probably be left wondering for a very long time whether he’s even interested in being with you. If you don’t want to scare him away by being too forward or you’re just as shy as he is, you could try a more subtle approach and try to slowly nude him towards the light. So if you’re ready to get this ball rolling between you and Mr. Shy Guy, here are a couple of things you could try.
- Run into him by chance. If you’re a woman living in today’s world, chances are you know what strategic positioning is all about. If you don’t, it simply means putting yourself in the position to randomly “run into him” without making it obvious and creepy. Find out what he likes and where he likes to hang out and plan a trip to those places. Pick up an interest in the things that he’s interested in so that he feels like you have a lot of things in common.
- Keep talking to him. Shy people listen way more than they talk. So if you’re dealing with a shy guy, chances are you’ll have to do most of the talking. Start conversations with him, call him regularly and find out he is doing. By making him feel like you’re genuinely interested in him and how he’s doing, he may be encouraged to take the bold step and make a move.
- Control the conversation. The chances of a conversation with a shy guy going awry or ending quickly and awkwardly are definitely high. You need to ask him questions that would require him to open up more. While you listen, smile and nod and make it obvious that you’re following exactly what he’s saying. In between conversations, find instances to tell him something nice or to pay him compliments. All that you’re doing will make him feel comfortable enough around you to take a chance on you.
- Ask for his advice often. No matter how shy he is, he is still a guy. And one thing we know about guys is that they love they damsel in distress. If you’re trying to draw him out, you could try asking for his help or his advice on matters often. This way, you build the impression that you value his help and opinions and that’s why you keep asking for them.
- Don’t force things. I understand that you’re eager to get the ball rolling on this relationship. However, you should always have it at the back of your mind that there’s only so far that you go before you begin to come across as pushy. Don’t try to get too know him too quickly, don’t ask him too many questions at once, don’t bombard his phone with texts. Whatever it is that you’re doing to get his attention, don’t do it too much else you risk the chance of pushing him away.
If you try all of this and he’s still not forthcoming, then maybe he needs more time. Or worse, maybe he’s just not into you and that’s absolutely okay.
With outgoing people, it’s always easy to tell when they like because of how open they are about their feelings. Shy people, on the other hand, are wired different. They are usually very conscious of their feelings and would therefore be unwilling to share them. Hanging out with someone like this makes it really hard to tell if there are feelings or you’re just wasting your time. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be done. All you need to do is sharpen your persuasion and observation skills, and start paying attention to the signs. And if at this point, you’re not exactly sure what signs to be looking out for, here are a few hints about where to start.
- He keeps trying to talk to you. It is a known fact that shy people do not like to speak much. So if in a rare case, you find a shy guy who constantly tries to initiate conversation with you, then that’s a sign he’s trying to get your attention. What this means is that he likes you enough to break out of his comfort zone. If you notice this, you might want to give him a slight nudge by asking him to hang out with or by simply initiating a conversation with him.
- He steals glances at you. For someone who is shy, he’ll probably have a problem keeping eye contact with you. However, if he really likes you, best believe he’s staring at you when you’re not looking. If you’ve noticed this severally, that might be a sign that he’s into you.
- He gets defensive about you. This particular one I’ve noticed too many times. Even though he may not be able to tell you out rightly that he likes you, he’ll always be in the background waiting to show up and defend your honor. If you have noticed that anytime you’re in trouble, Mr. Shy Guy shows up to help or defend you, then that’s a pretty good sign that he likes you.
- He talks to you a lot on social media. A lot of people who are shy find it easier to communicate online than in person. Talking through a medium just seems less in your face than regular conversations. In that case, it would be a lot easier for them to be more expressive and open on social media than they would normally be in person. Pay attention to that guy who keeps replying your tweets and commenting on your Instagram posts, he may just be trying to let you know how he feels about you.
- He’s nervous and clumsy around you. If you notice that a guy gets immediately nervous when you get in the room, it could be one of two things. Either he’s deathly scared of you or he likes you and he’s too shy to do something about it. I think you can easily tell the difference between fear and affection though.
More often than not, you can tell from a guy’s body language whether he’s into you or not. With shy guys, you may need to strike a balance between giving them a nudge in the right direction and not being too forward so you don’t push them away.
With the way society is set up, guys are generally known to make the first move. However, some guys are so shy that they would never intentionally reveal their feelings first. If a guy like this has caught your attention and you’re tired of dropping hints that he’s not picking up on, then you might have to be more drastic about it. You need to pick things up yourself and get the ball rolling yourself and doing this is definitely not easy. If you’re not exactly sure of how to make the first move on a shy guy, the following tips might help you out.
- Smile. This may seem very simple but trust me, it works. Not only does a smile make you look good instantly, it also makes you appear more approachable. Shy people are generally more self-conscious around other people. By simply smiling, you make him feel at ease whenever he is around you.
- Initiate conversations with him. A shy guy would most likely never initiate conversation with you. It’s up to you to see that it happens. You could do a little digging beforehand and find out what he likes or something you both are interested in and bring it up in conversation. Or you could simply bring up something as obvious like the weather and see how it goes from there.
- Give him compliments. Shy or outgoing, everyone loves to be complimented. You can talk about how good you think he looks or how lovable his personality is (especially if you’ve known him for a while). Hearing this stuff would definitely bring a smile to his face. With compliments however, make sure they’re genuine. No one want a relationship built on lies and faux compliments.
- Ask him questions about you. You might be wondering what he thinks about you and his shyness would probably not allow him say those things to you. You might as well out rightly ask him what he thinks. You could ask him what he thinks about your new haircut, what your voice sounds like on phone. Or you could go all out and ask him direct questions like, “do you think I’ll make a good girlfriend?”, “do you like girls with long hair?” By doing all of this, you’re letting him know that you’re beginning to him in a romantic light and you want the relationship to follow suit.
- Take it easy on him. While we agree that being with a shy guy is hard and you may be the one to move things alone, be careful not to go too hard on him. Being too forward or too direct might come off as aggressive and off-putting. Try not to talk about love and long term commitments too soon so you don’t care him away.
- Be obvious about your intentions. Sometimes you may pull out all the tricks in the books and he’ll still miss it. At this point, the only card you can play is being very obvious about your intentions. You could initiate physical contact, act for his help with things he knows you can do on your own, or you could even ask him out for dinner.
Remember that as you plan to make your move on that shy guy that you’ve had your eyes on, you should have a backup plan. In case, you misread the situation and things go south, at least you have an exit plan.
Some men are naturally shy. However, some of them try their best to overcome their shyness when they meet a woman that they really like. There are also some guys who are not able to overcome their shyness at all. This is why it is quite hard to tell whether a guy is just shy or if he’s really just not into you. They say that women are complicated but most likely, those who believe that have never met a shy guy.
Here are some things that will help you recognize a shy guy and a one who is just not interested.
- Get to know him. This is perhaps not the easiest way to know whether he is not interested or just shy but it will lead you to a more accurate conclusion. If he has an established reputation among his friends and family as a naturally shy person, then it will be easy to tell if he is interested with you or not.
- Body Language. You need to observe him closely whenever he is talking to you. A shy guy would be fidgeting or he may not be able to look you in the eye but a guy who is just not interested will generally look disinterested or will try to deflect your attempts at conversation.
- Awkward Appeal. If the guy exerts effort to talk to you, it usually means something. This is even moreso when the guy is actually shy. Often, his attempts to a conversation will come out awkward. So, when a shy guy says something weird, it just means that he is exerting effort to talk to you.
- The First Move. If a guy is simply shy, then he may just not find the courage to initiate an interaction with you. In such cases, you can try to make a subtle first move, just enough to make him feel that he can easily approach you and if he is interested, he will most likely bite the bait. He may not start conversations but he may look happy and enthusiastic once you make the first move. However, if you already made the first move and he did not pay much attention, then it is most likely that he is not interested at all.
- Text in line. Some shy people are not too shy when it comes to writing letters and in this day and age, text messaging. A shy guy may not talk to you a lot in person but he may text you more often than other people.
- Telling friends. High school never stops. Friends just cannot help themselves but make the first move for their friend especially if that friend is a shy one. If he likes you, you may have heard it once or twice from his friends.
If a guy is just shy, then you need to prepare yourself because it is more likely that you will be making the first move often. However, if he’s not into you, then maybe it’s time to move on.