– How to deal with husband working night shift?
The dream of almost every married woman is to have her husband by her side every time, especially at night. Having him around makes her feel loved, secure and happy. However, there are sometimes when your husband would need a little extra money to meet the family’s needs. In cases like this, your husband might need to work the night shift. Most times, it becomes lonely for you and the kids, but you can still cope with the situation in the following ways.
Plan Dates To Maximize Intimacy
Since you know your husband works hard at night, you need to set out days where you’ll have dates on a weekly basis. These intimate moments are critical as you both have to take any opportunity to be affectionate and intimate towards each other. In addition to that, spend anytime you get cuddling on the couch or in bed. Leave sweet love notes in his lunch box, wallet or in the pockets of his shirt. Even if he is busy working, he would feel special and appreciated when he sees it while working. The time you spend with him should be kept sacred, so you have to make the most out of it.
Stay In Shape
While your husband is working at night, you could use that time to work out. You could go to a gym at night, or better still stay at home and engage in workout sessions. This is generally a great idea of your children are asleep. Try sit-ups, squats, lunges, planks and so on. Staying in the best shape would make you feel good about yourself and improve your confidence level with or without your husband being around.
Thankfully, technology has made it easier for us to communicate as often as we want to. So, your husband working at night doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him. With Skype, FaceTime, and other social media platforms, you can talk to him anytime you want to. You can also text as often as you want to (if his job permits him to use his phone). Use that opportunity to send him your pictures and videos. This would make him anticipate and want to come home to you.
Respect His Sleeping Needs
As much as you want to maximize the time you spend with your partner, you need to respect his sleeping needs. As tempting as it might be to wake him up to spend time with you, it can be a bit exhausting for him because he needs as much sleep as he can get. Less sleep can make him resentful and cranky at work, and you definitely don’t want him to be that way at work. Let him sleep and wake up at his own time, then you both can decide what to do with the time when he is awake.
By prioritizing and rescheduling properly, your husband’s night shifts will not cause a strain in your marriage. As long as you both are on the same page, everything will work out just fine.
– I resent my husband for not setting boundaries
Before marriage, everyone has all these exciting expectations that usually involve sunshine and rainbows. Even those who boast of happy marriages never tell the full story so a lot of people are actually shocked when it’s finally their turn. You hear stories of how they found the love of their lives, and how their partners complete them. But nobody ever warns you that getting married to someone means they will ALWAYS be there. As in, even in times when you just want to be left alone, this person will still be there. For a former single person who is used to having their own space and doing things other way, this may be very unsettling especially if you have a partner that refuses to honor your boundaries. In cases like this, if it not addressed soon enough, then you begin to hear complaints like, I hate that my wife doesn’t get that I need space” or “I resent my husband for not setting boundaries”. Some people don’t even have boundaries and that alone is a recipe for disaster. With marriage, boundaries are very necessary because a life time is too long to spend with someone you resent.
While having boundaries is very important, that alone is not sufficient. You need to let your partner know that any violation would result in consequences that you should be more than ready to follow up with. If you’re not sure about how to establish consequences for boundary violations, here are a few things you should know.
- Make sure they are deliberate and not impulsive. If your consequences are going to have any effect at all, then you need to be deliberate about them. Do not wait until you’ve been violated to make that decision. That way, when it happens, you are not caught unawares and you don’t react emotionally as tis could ruin the intended effect.
- Make sure it is a related consequence. When establishing boundaries and consequences, make sure they are related. For example, if your husband goes through leaves his clothes lying around, get him to do the laundry for a week. That way, he sees that his actions affect you and you’re doing something about it.
- It should be appropriate for the crime. When establishing consequences make sure that they are just as severe as the violation is. If the consequence is not as severe, your spouse begins to feel like he can do what he wants and just get a slap on the wrist. On the other hand, if it is too sever, it may begin to feel like you’re overreacting.
- You should be able to enforce it. If you are going to establish a consequence, make sure it is something you know you can enforce. Don’t go creating consequences that you’ll never be able to follow through because that will only make you appear as more of a joke to them.
While you do all of this, make sure you are following up with your partner’s character. If you’ve noticed that all that you’ve tried is not working and you still do not get the respect that you desire, you may need to start seeking out more drastic solutions.
– Characteristics of a Selfish Husband
Every woman’s hope when they go into a marriage is that they’re going into it with someone who will always have their back and support them. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. Some women have ended up in marriages with inconsiderate and selfish men who have done nothing but make their lives harder. The worst part is that some of them think it’s normal. This belief is not only ignorant but also toxic because at the end of the day, there’s only so much selfishness a woman can handle. This is not to say that any marriage is perfect or any woman has it all, but when one partner’s lack of care and concern for the other outshines his love, that marriage is headed for the rocks. If you’re not so sure whether your husband is selfish, you could look out for the following characteristics.
- He takes no interest in your life or your interests. If someone cares about you, they will take interest in the things that are important to you. That’s not the case with selfish husbands. A selfish husband does not care about your life or your aspirations, he pays no attention to your dreams and how he can help you achieve them. To a selfish husband, what you want does not matter because his wants will always be more important than yours.
- He never apologizes. A selfish husband always believes that he is never wrong. It doesn’t matter how clearly you’ve been hurt by his actions or his words, a selfish husband will never acknowledge it. He would probably just chuck it up to you taking his actions out of context or you being overly sensitive. Either way, your feelings do not matter to him and he makes sure that you always know this.
- His life and career will always be more important than yours. To a selfish husband, all that matters is that he sorts out his life and career first and yours will follow whatever path he has created. If you’re married to someone who constantly tries to undermine your work or insinuate that your career is not as important as his, we might have a selfish husband on our hands. Sometimes, it may even come cloaked as care. A selfish husband may say things like, I don’t want you to stress yourself working, just take care of the home”. To someone who is not observant, this may seem sweet but did he ever stop to ask you whether staying home is what YOU actually want? No? Then we have probably have a selfish husband on our hands.
- He is lazy and doesn’t help out at home. If your husband can see how much of your time and energy goes into taking care of the home and he never offers to help, he’s most likely one of the selfish ones. Life is tough and everyone deserves all the help they can get especially from the one who made vows to always be there for you. Therefore, if he is always creating messes that he never attempts to clear up, he’s probably selfish.
The truth is marriage is not easy but it definitely requires that both parties put in the work. Anything other than that is not ideal and should be worked on.
– Why is my Husband so Selfish and Inconsiderate?
Why is my husband so selfish to me? This question is one that is not new to the ears of relationship experts and marriage counselors. When a spouse gets to the point where they have to ask this question, then you can tell how strained their relationship already is. Sometimes, these traits are obvious before marriage but we hope that can change them, other times there is absolutely no sign that the person you’re marrying will turn on you. Whatever the case may be, no one deserves to feel like they are in a marriage alone. If you’re caught in this position, then you need to understand why he is that way and how you want to deal with the answers you find. In this post, we’ll talk about some reasons why your husband is acting selfish towards you.
- He’s gotten used to you. Sometimes with spend a lot of time together (like in a marriage), there is a tendency for one of them to get so used to the other that they don’t make any efforts anymore. To him, he’s now so familiar with you that he doesn’t need to impress you anymore so he does whatever he wants to do. If you don’t speak and tell him how his selfishness is affecting you and your marriage, he may just go on thinking that he is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
- He expects you to understand. As relationships progress and people become older, they take on more responsibilities and their lives become harder to an extent. Given these circumstances, it is very easy for one partner to forget about the other’s needs with the hopes that they can see what they’re going through and understand. While this does not entirely make him a bad person, it assumes that your partner can read your minds and your feelings per time which is a ludicrous concept. So don’t chuck up your partner’s needs to, “Oh she can see that I’m trying to work on my life and my dreams, she should understand”. For husbands like this, speak to him and let him understand that he needs to let you in. Let him know how hurt you are and try to work it out with him. If he still cares about you, he will listen and make amends.
- You’ve always been the one to make sacrifices. If you’ve always been the one to bend over in the relationship, or you’ve been the one who has always had to give up their life or comfort for the relationship to work, you will end up with a husband who believes he can do as he pleases and still have his relationship intact. In this case, your husband will always feel like no matter how selfish his actions are towards you, you will eventually adjust and the balance would be restored in your marriage. If this is your relationship, then you need to rise up and make new rules. Make it clear that going forward, you intend to choose yourself every now and then and as you do this, keep your word. With time and a husband who loves you and is willing to work on your relationship, you should begin to see positive changes in no time.
– How to Deal with a Selfish Husband
Anyone who has had to deal with a selfish person can tell stories of how often they were hurt by their words or actions. Now imagine you had to share a life with this person, meaning they were always almost around. That’s what it’s like to be someone dealing with a selfish husband. Nothing erodes a marriage more quickly than a selfish spouse because marriage is a commitment to start treating yourself and your partner as two parts of a whole. If you’ve carefully assessed your marriage and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re married to a selfish man, it may be time to start figuring out ways to handle him. In this post, I’ve highlighted a few things you could try out.
- Talk to him. This may seem like a cliché but talking to your husband is one of the easiest ways to communicate to your husband that his actions are rubbing you the wrong way. The fact that you made it to marriage with person means that the both of you saw something in each other worth coming together. You should therefore be able to talk to your husband about anything that you’re not comfortable with. Be as genuine as possible and try not to make the conversation seem as if you’re coming at him. In as much as you want to make him feel comfortable during the conversation, make sure you’re always in control. A selfish person will most likely want to turn the conversation around and make themselves out to be the victim. Do not allow it. In all of this, make sure you don’t just pint out his selfishness but also how it is affecting you and your relationship.
- Talk to someone close to him. Everyone has that one person whose advice they take very seriously. Figure out who that person is for your husband and speak to them. Make sure you explain clearly to them how his actions are affecting you directly so that they can speak to him on your behalf. Also, ask them questions about him. They just might know something about dealing with him than you don’t.
- Suggest therapy. Now this is a very tricky one because a selfish person may be violently opposed to marriage counseling so you have to be very careful. Time the conversation so that it comes up even he is in a good mood. Try not to make it seem like you’re pointing fingers and blaming him for the failure of your relationship. Instead of saying things like, “we should see a therapist because your selfishness is ruining our marriage”, try saying, “our relationship could be even better than it is right now and counseling can help get us there”. And if you do convince him to try therapy, stay committed to it.
Remember, there’s only so much you can do to change how someone acts towards you. Focus on becoming a better person, do not try to pay them back in equal amounts of selfishness. If after all your efforts you realize that your husband is still not interested in becoming a better person for you and your relationship, it may be time to remove yourself from that environment. But before doing that, be absolutely sure that you’ve given it everything you’ve got.
– How To Tell Your Husband You Want A Separation
Asking your husband for a separation is one of the toughest conversations a woman can have in her lifetime. You have a whole lot of emotions going through your mind ranging from anticipation to fear and sometimes, guilt. If you are willing and ready to go through this, here are some tips that would help you make the process easier.
Choose A Great Time/Place
Depending on the kind of person your partner is, this kind of discussion should be held in a private place. In cases where your partner has earlier exhibited abusive or violent traits, you might want to have this discussion in a public place, especially if you feel like he might hit you. Make time out to have the conversation and do not be in a hurry. If you both have children, ensure you do it have this discussion in their presence.
Expect A Reaction
If you have previously talked about your marital issues with your spouse, you should have a faint idea of how he’ll react to this. Prepare yourself to get different emotions from him. A good advice is to talk to a therapist or counselor before hand, so he or she would tell you the best way to go about it. You need to be careful if your words, reactions and behavior. It is never an easy thing to do, so just remain calm as no single action of yours can make him feel better.
Discuss Outcomes Of The Separation
After you must have told your spouse what you want, the next thing to do is to establish the exact thing you want for the separation. As hurtful as it might be, you and your spouse need to be in the same page. A separation doesn’t always have to end in divorce. It could be a stepping stone to a divorce, or I could be a period to take time alone and think of the hopes of reconciliation. Whichever the case may be, it is better to lay it out at an early stage. This gives clarity from the start.
Set A Limit
A good advice when asking your husband for a separation is to set a time limit. It could be weeks, months, half a year or a full year. Setting a limit would prevent both of you from dragging on for a longer period of time. Also, if you realize you keep asking for time to talk things over or stay apart, it may just be the time to end the marriage. It might get to a point where neither of you are willing to stay and fight for the marriage you had before. It is at that moment you will get to realize that both of you are better off apart.
Telling your husband you want a separation is difficult on its own, but how you say it can make the difference between a reconciliation and a divorce. Remember to remain as discreet as possible, as you should only tell close friends and family, rather than announce it on social media. Remember to remain calm all through the whole period.
– My Wife Doesn’t Respect Me!
One of the fundamental keys to a successful marriage is respect. Respect makes either partner feel loved and cared for. It particularly does wonders to the self esteem of the partner. But what do you do in cases where you feel you are being disrespected? If you have reached that frustrating point in your marriage where you think your wife does not respect you, you might want to find out the reason for this. Here are some top reasons why she doesn’t respect you.
- You’re Irresponsible. One major reason why your wife doesn’t respect you is because you are irresponsible. If she has a busy 9-5 life and a career she is passionate about, but you do nothing other than hang on the couch, eat and play video games, the she wouldn’t respect you. This is because the bills will fall in her and you are in no way trying to help. Most women actually feel like they are taken advantage of, especially when their husband doesn’t support with things around the house. If you fall among these category of men, then there is no way your wife would respect you.
- Nasty Behavior. If you have a nasty behavior, there are high chances that your wife wouldn’t respect you. Each day, we gave a lot of challenges and humans, and sometimes we need that special someone to help comfort and make us happy. If you have a bad behavior, and you are easily angry, irritated, cranky, your wife might not be happy to be around you. She’ll see you as a bad person that always gives off a bad vibe. Because of this, she might not respect you in any way.
- Anger. If your wife is upset about an ongoing conflict, she would definitely not respect you. This is especially evident if she has tried to talk about it to you time and time again. If you dismiss her with an apology without tackling the root cause of the issue, then there is a high probability that she wouldn’t respect you. She’ll see you as a coward person who would rather not face issues as they come. Marriage is all about compromise and forgiveness, especially when differences arise. If you find yourself feeling disrespected, it might be as a result of not settling an issue the way it should be.
- Absence of Dominance. Some men think by being by not been firm in their thoughts and decisions would make their marriage a happy one. This is wrong as men as supposed to take charge and remain firm in all they do. This doesn’t mean you should be domineering, but you should always put your feet down as the man of the house. Don’t just do whatever your wife pleases. If you lack dominance, she wouldn’t respect you, as she can even make major decisions without consulting you.
You can still talk to you wife about this issue if you feel disrespected. Remember, respect is reciprocal, so you should equally give and show her the respect she deserves. With that, you would be sure to have a happy marriage.