Cell Phone Privacy in Marriage

For a long time coming, people have felt the need to check their partners’ phone. While this doesn’t just show disrespect and mistrust, snooping on your partners’ phone is an invasion of privacy. If you are curious avoid anything at all, brace up and talk to your partner about it. There is absolutely no reason why you should go behind his or her back to start checking their cellphone. If you are still thinking of doing so, here are some reasons why it is a terrible idea.

  • You Have Trust Issues. When you are in a relationship, your partner trusts you enough to leave their phone in your care. The least you could do is to that then back and offer them the same exact trust they gave you. Secretly searching their phone makes it easy to kill the trust and respect they once had for you. If you are in doubt about anything, take the decency to ask, rather than snoop. Besides, everyone is entitled to a certain level of privacy, including you. Don’t take that away from someone else, especially if it is someone you genuinely love.
  • You Wouldn’t Want It. If you are being honest with yourself, you wouldn’t want your partner going through your phone, even if you don’t have nothing to hide. It is simply an invasion of privacy. You wouldn’t want this to be done to you, so don’t do it to them either. If you are in doubt about anything at all, feel free to ask, as it is the only way you can get the truth. It gets worse if your partner catches you in the act, as you will look insecure, needy and desperate.
  • You Might Misinterpret Things. Often times, certain things speak for themselves. But there is a high probability that you will get the wrong idea about anything you see in the phone. Snooping often comes off from suspicion about what you feel might be happening, so you are all set and ready to “catch” then doing something. This can lead to you jumping into conclusions which is not good for the relationship or marriage.
  • It Can Ruin Your Relationship. Snooping on your partners phone can ruin your relationship. It takes you in a path of self destruction as you will constantly be insecure and anxious about what your partner is doing every time. This would make you nag and complain every single time, and this kind of bad energy can make your partner stay away from you. This negative energy that you have set can ruin your relationship in a very short period of time.

At the end of the day, if you are really in love with your partner, you will trust him or her and nurture the relationship. You will also know your boundaries and know when to draw the line. If the relationship is truly a happy one, there would be no point of snooping on their cellphones. As risky as love might be, show respect by not checking your partners phone.

Characteristics of a Selfish Husband

Every woman’s hope when they go into a marriage is that they’re going into it with someone who will always have their back and support them. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. Some women have ended up in marriages with inconsiderate and selfish men who have done nothing but make their lives harder. The worst part is that some of them think it’s normal. This belief is not only ignorant but also toxic because at the end of the day, there’s only so much selfishness a woman can handle. This is not to say that any marriage is perfect or any woman has it all, but when one partner’s lack of care and concern for the other outshines his love, that marriage is headed for the rocks. If you’re not so sure whether your husband is selfish, you could look out for the following characteristics.

  • He takes no interest in your life or your interests. If someone cares about you, they will take interest in the things that are important to you. That’s not the case with selfish husbands. A selfish husband does not care about your life or your aspirations, he pays no attention to your dreams and how he can help you achieve them. To a selfish husband, what you want does not matter because his wants will always be more important than yours.
  • He never apologizes. A selfish husband always believes that he is never wrong. It doesn’t matter how clearly you’ve been hurt by his actions or his words, a selfish husband will never acknowledge it. He would probably just chuck it up to you taking his actions out of context or you being overly sensitive. Either way, your feelings do not matter to him and he makes sure that you always know this.
  • His life and career will always be more important than yours. To a selfish husband, all that matters is that he sorts out his life and career first and yours will follow whatever path he has created. If you’re married to someone who constantly tries to undermine your work or insinuate that your career is not as important as his, we might have a selfish husband on our hands. Sometimes, it may even come cloaked as care. A selfish husband may say things like, I don’t want you to stress yourself working, just take care of the home”. To someone who is not observant, this may seem sweet but did he ever stop to ask you whether staying home is what YOU actually want? No? Then we have probably have a selfish husband on our hands.
  • He is lazy and doesn’t help out at home. If your husband can see how much of your time and energy goes into taking care of the home and he never offers to help, he’s most likely one of the selfish ones. Life is tough and everyone deserves all the help they can get especially from the one who made vows to always be there for you. Therefore, if he is always creating messes that he never attempts to clear up, he’s probably selfish.

The truth is marriage is not easy but it definitely requires that both parties put in the work. Anything other than that is not ideal and should be worked on.

Why is my Husband so Selfish and Inconsiderate?

Why is my husband so selfish to me? This question is one that is not new to the ears of relationship experts and marriage counselors. When a spouse gets to the point where they have to ask this question, then you can tell how strained their relationship already is. Sometimes, these traits are obvious before marriage but we hope that can change them, other times there is absolutely no sign that the person you’re marrying will turn on you. Whatever the case may be, no one deserves to feel like they are in a marriage alone. If you’re caught in this position, then you need to understand why he is that way and how you want to deal with the answers you find. In this post, we’ll talk about some reasons why your husband is acting selfish towards you.

  • He’s gotten used to you. Sometimes with spend a lot of time together (like in a marriage), there is a tendency for one of them to get so used to the other that they don’t make any efforts anymore. To him, he’s now so familiar with you that he doesn’t need to impress you anymore so he does whatever he wants to do. If you don’t speak and tell him how his selfishness is affecting you and your marriage, he may just go on thinking that he is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
  • He expects you to understand. As relationships progress and people become older, they take on more responsibilities and their lives become harder to an extent. Given these circumstances, it is very easy for one partner to forget about the other’s needs with the hopes that they can see what they’re going through and understand. While this does not entirely make him a bad person, it assumes that your partner can read your minds and your feelings per time which is a ludicrous concept. So don’t chuck up your partner’s needs to, “Oh she can see that I’m trying to work on my life and my dreams, she should understand”. For husbands like this, speak to him and let him understand that he needs to let you in. Let him know how hurt you are and try to work it out with him. If he still cares about you, he will listen and make amends.
  • You’ve always been the one to make sacrifices. If you’ve always been the one to bend over in the relationship, or you’ve been the one who has always had to give up their life or comfort for the relationship to work, you will end up with a husband who believes he can do as he pleases and still have his relationship intact. In this case, your husband will always feel like no matter how selfish his actions are towards you, you will eventually adjust and the balance would be restored in your marriage. If this is your relationship, then you need to rise up and make new rules. Make it clear that going forward, you intend to choose yourself every now and then and as you do this, keep your word. With time and a husband who loves you and is willing to work on your relationship, you should begin to see positive changes in no time.

When he pulls away early in the relationship

In relationships, mysterious things tend to happen. One of such mysterious things is him pulling away very early in the relationship. Everything is going great and then he unexpectedly pulls away from you and distants himself from the relationship. You’re sure that he likes you and that you had built a great connection but can’t tell why the relationship suddenly turned downhill.

This is not uncommon in relationships and can be quite frustrating when it occurs. Since your natural response is to find out why he is distant, we have put some of the likely reasons why he suddenly became distant together.

He has found someone else

This is a hard pill to swallow, and you’re probably thinking it should not be first on the list. However, it is important to have a reality check and consider the fact that maybe the relationship wasn’t as great as you thought. Maybe what you remember is an idea of him and not him. He may have found someone else and moved on to a new relationship and didn’t have the guts to tell you.

He is pressured

Even the best relationships come with a bit of pressure, especially relationships where one party overly adores and respects the other. The pressure comes from the fact that he isn’t comfortable with being idolized, and that’s the current situation of the relationship. He will feel the need to live up to a certain standard instead of being himself because of the way he is idolized by his partner

In such situations, he will take a break from the relationship, especially in its early phase, to get away from the pressures.

Things are moving too fast

Sometimes, the reason for his recent and unexpected ghosting behaviour is that things are moving too fast. Even though his likes his partner a lot, he wants to take things slower than they are currently going thus activating the escape mode.

When he feels like things are moving too fast, he begins to be concerned about how the pace of the relationship will affect other aspects of his life. To clear his head and put things in perspective, he then takes the break. The sudden nature of the break being because he felt an immediate need to leave or get choked.

He doesn’t love as much

Yes, there is also the probability that he doesn’t love his partner as much as they do. He will escape from the relationship if he finds out that his partner adores him and is very much in love with him when he is not sure he is even in love with them.

It’s possible to say and do the right things without really being in love with a person and that could be the case for him. He realizes that he really doesn’t love his partner that loves him to the moon and back and decides to leave without summoning the courage to talk to the partner. In this case, one can say he feels that his partner deserves better.

Men leave relationships for several reasons including the ones highlighted above early in the relationship. Sometimes they work out the issues and come back, other times they do not.

How to Deal With the Silent Treatment from Your Spouse

One of the commonest ways couples fight is when one of them give the other person the silent treatment. Often times, the silent treatment happens when a partner pressures the other with complaints or requests but is met with total silence. It can be extremely frustrating for the other partner, as it causes more harm than good. The situation is a tricky one, so knowing how to deal with is key. Here are some practical ways to tackle this issue.

Understand the Reason

Sometimes, a lot of people have challenges in expressing how they feel about certain issues, so they bottle up their feelings and stay on their own. If your spouse falls into this category of people, then it’s very likely that they’ll give you the silent treatment, especially when they feel they can’t match your communication level. As the other person, you need to understand the reasons why your spouse gives you the silent treatment. That is the only way you can move forward in your relationship. It becomes both of you against the problem, rather than both of you against each other.

Talk About It

Communication is important in any relationship, so after you must have understood the reason for the silent treatment, talk to your partner about it. You must tread carefully here and try not to make “passive-aggressive” statements but clear and genuine ones. Start off by telling your partner how much you love and care about them, after which you go straight to the point. Talk about how you feel whenever they give you the silent treatment, and how it is taking a toll on your relationship. Ensure you say all this in a loving, friendly but firm tone.

Apologize When Necessary

Another way to deal with the silent treatment issue is to apologize if you have truly said something hurtful or hateful to your partner. Admit when you are wrong and sincerely take time out to apologize. However, you should never apologize for something you didn’t do. Rather, try to be supportive by being empathetic. Understand the situation so as to close the gap that has come between you two, if not, the gap would keep getting wider.

Set New Rules

After you and your partner must have talked about it, you should set new rules for communication. A good way to start this is to calm down after having a quarrel. Rather than have your emotions get flooded with intense feelings, take time out to calm down. After that, you can come back and talk through the conflict. This would resolve the issues you have as quickly as possible.

Finally, you and your partner would need to figure out healthier ways to confront all the situations you will be faced with. As much as you might not find a solution immediately, it will be a learning curve for both of you. If the situation is managed in a proper and healthy manner, then it would be a thing of the past.

Signs your ex is in a rebound relationship

One of the worst news a person can hear while nursing a heartbreak is that their ex, the one that just broke their heart, is in a new relationship within a short period of the breakup. You begin to wonder if they really loved you at all and why they were able to move on so fast.

Before wallowing in your misery, you should consider that they might be in a rebound relationship: that type of relationship which one gets into immediately after a breakup to ease the hurt.

Now you’re wondering how to tell if they are in a rebound relationship. We have put together some signs that will give away whether they are in a rebound relationship.

When did the relationship begin?

It has been proven that humans typically need time to grieve after a loss. One way of escaping this grieving period after a heartbreak is by going into another relationship without getting over the hurt of the breakup of the last one.

A month is about the average time a person needs to nurse a heartbreak, although some persons can get over heartbreaks in a shorter time. However, when your ex’s new relationship starts a few days or about two weeks to the breakup, chances are the relationship is a rebound relationship.

The timeline of the new relationship is one of the surest ways of telling if it is a rebound relationship because rebound relationships are known for kicking off a lot sooner than expected.

Who is the new relationship partner?

For rebound relationships, there is a high tendency that the new partner is someone who was already in your ex’s life when you were together, maybe as friend or colleague. It such happens that in the time after the breakup, they seek succor in that person who helps them nurse their wounds.

In the process of helping them heal, an unexpected relationship breaks forth. So, if the new partner is someone in their circle who they can readily develop fleeting affections for, then there is a higher tendency that it is a rebound relationship.

Does the new partner seem like an “upgrade” of you?

With a rebound relationship, your ex will most likely want to “step up” by getting involved with someone who is like you, and, to them, is an upgrade. Because losing you still hurts them, they tend to cloud the hurt by going into a relationship with someone with similar features to you, maybe their way of consoling themselves with another version of you.

Do you try to put the new relationship in your face?

Persons in rebound relationships tend to overly flaunt the relationship. That is their way of showing you and everyone else that they’ve moved on and got a “better” deal.

If your ex is in a rebound relationship, they will consciously make efforts to ensure that you’re aware of the new relationship and how “amazing” this new person is.

Rebound relationships are some of the most inconsistent relationships, and if your ex is in one, it clearly shows that they have not gotten over you.

Signs He will never Propose

At some point in every relationship, you’ll begin to assess the possibility of it lasting forever. In your mind’s eye, you’ve found the man you want to walk down the aisle with but any time you bring up the idea of long term commitment, he gets defensive and tries to shut you down. At this point, you’re beginning to worry and you’re thinking, “what if it was all a waste? What if he’s never going to take this relationship to the next level?” If you’re in a relationship that makes you feel this way, suppressing your fears should be the last thing. You need to get to the bottom of this and know for sure whether you’re going for him to pop the question forever. That’s why in this post, we’ve revealed some signs that he will never propose to you.

  • He avoids discussing marriage. If a man know that e’s never going to ask you to marry him, he’ll mostly try to avoid the discussion altogether. If you’ve observed that anytime you bring up marriage or anything that resembles long term commitment, he gets evasive or instantly tries to change the subject, then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship.
  • He has negative thoughts an opinions about marriage. So you’ve noticed that anytime marriage comes up, he has one negative comment or the other. Pay attention honey, he’s probably trying to tell you something. The chances that he will submit himself to an institution he doesn’t respect or think highly of are slim to none.
  • None of his long term plans include you. If someone believes that you are going to be a part of your life for a long time, their plans will reflect it. If none of his long term have anything to do with you, then that might be a sign that he has no intention of spending the rest of his life with you. For example, if he has no problem booking weekend gates but he goes cold when you bring up planning for an event in the not so near future, then that might be a red flag.
  • He hides you from his friends and family. A man who loves you wouldn’t hesitate to tell his friends and family about. But if you notice that he has to make an introduction every time you run into someone he knows, or he even tries to avoid making that introduction, there is a possibility that you’re wasting your best years with that man.
  • He’s all talk and action. Sometimes when a man is tired of getting asked about marriage and he just needs to get you off his back, he begins to make promises he has no intention of keeping. So you’ve noticed that a few months back when you brought up the topic, he seemed eager but till date no actions have been taken on those promises, you might be with a man who is just trying to stall.

If after reading this post, you feel like it’s addressing your relationship, relax and don’t do anything drastic. Have a conversation with your man and find out what exactly he wants. If he still seems unsure or dismissive, then you might want to cut your losses and move on.

How To Tell Your Husband You Want A Separation

Asking your husband for a separation is one of the toughest conversations a woman can have in her lifetime. You have a whole lot of emotions going through your mind ranging from anticipation to fear and sometimes, guilt. If you are willing and ready to go through this, here are some tips that would help you make the process easier.

Choose A Great Time/Place

Depending on the kind of person your partner is, this kind of discussion should be held in a private place. In cases where your partner has earlier exhibited abusive or violent traits, you might want to have this discussion in a public place, especially if you feel like he might hit you. Make time out to have the conversation and do not be in a hurry. If you both have children, ensure you do it have this discussion in their presence.

Expect A Reaction

If you have previously talked about your marital issues with your spouse, you should have a faint idea of how he’ll react to this. Prepare yourself to get different emotions from him. A good advice is to talk to a therapist or counselor before hand, so he or she would tell you the best way to go about it. You need to be careful if your words, reactions and behavior. It is never an easy thing to do, so just remain calm as no single action of yours can make him feel better.

Discuss Outcomes Of The Separation

After you must have told your spouse what you want, the next thing to do is to establish the exact thing you want for the separation. As hurtful as it might be, you and your spouse need to be in the same page. A separation doesn’t always have to end in divorce. It could be a stepping stone to a divorce, or I could be a period to take time alone and think of the hopes of reconciliation. Whichever the case may be, it is better to lay it out at an early stage. This gives clarity from the start.

Set A Limit

A good advice when asking your husband for a separation is to set a time limit. It could be weeks, months, half a year or a full year. Setting a limit would prevent both of you from dragging on for a longer period of time. Also, if you realize you keep asking for time to talk things over or stay apart, it may just be the time to end the marriage. It might get to a point where neither of you are willing to stay and fight for the marriage you had before. It is at that moment you will get to realize that both of you are better off apart.

Telling your husband you want a separation is difficult on its own, but how you say it can make the difference between a reconciliation and a divorce. Remember to remain as discreet as possible, as you should only tell close friends and family, rather than announce it on social media. Remember to remain calm all through the whole period.

Saving A Marriage After Separation

Often times, when things go south in a marriage, the next line of act is usually for the couples to separate. Separation isn’t a divorce, rather it is a period where the couple decides what they really want. The separation makes them understand whether the marriage is worth fighting for. If you intend to save your marriage after separating with your partner, here are some tips that can guide you. The

Take It Slowly

If you want to save your marriage after a separation, you need to take it slowly. Don’t push for anything, as your partner must want this as much as you want it. Take time out to think your decision through, and keep in mind that you cannot rush or force anything. Rather than patch up the issues you have, deal with them one after the other. Don’t threaten or give ultimatums to the other person, as this causes more harm than good. If the marriage is worth saving, the other person would see it, and you wouldn’t need to convince them to be with you.

Create Boundaries

While you both are separated, it is important to set healthy boundaries. Talk about what you expect from the separation and set rules that you both must follow. Refrain from any kind of intimacy or unnecessary emotional attachment, as it would only make things more complicated. If you have children, talk about visiting times so the children don’t have to feel distant from another parent. Health decisions and financial matters should also be discussed.

Don’t Be Too Needy

Being needy does more harm than good as it turns your partner off quicker than anything. The truth is simple; if they truly want to be with you or be around you, they would. Stop stalking, begging, calling, texting or asking them too many questions at the same time. The main focus here is to stay apart, not being together at every point in time. Also, start getting used to the fact that you can be by yourself and still be happy. Value yourself so you become the best version of you. Stay happy and fulfilled every time, so having a partner would just be a plus.

Seek Professional Help

One of the best ways to deal with this issue is to get help from therapists or marriage counselors. Apart from the fact that they are as objective as possible, they also help you communicate and relate differently with each other. They’ll help both of you understand each other by directly tackling whatever issues you are facing. It is important to note here that you should communicate your feelings and be as honest as possible with your partner and therapist. It might be an emotional roller coaster, but it would help the situation better.

Saving a marriage after separation takes a lot of work, and it can only be worth it if both of you are willing and able to scale through the situations you are facing.

Why do guys stop texting for a few days?

You meet a guy, connect with him, go on a few dates, probably, and begin to text each other constantly. You tell each other about your days and even make jokes out of certain things that happen during the day. Then you text him and he doesn’t reply. In the time you’ve known him, you have established an average length of time it takes for him to answer your text. That length of time passes, and you still do not get your reply. Then you begin to wonder, “why hasn’t he replied my text?” Whether the relationship is a light or serious one, your worries are valid. Something bad may have happened to him, and your concern is naturally.

Then it is over 48 hours, and sincerely very bothered. “What happened to him?”, Was it something I did?” and similar thoughts begin to flood your head. You’re wondering why he hasn’t replied your text and are checking your past messages to examine the flow of your chats.

Although he may have genuine reasons for not replying your text, we bring you some of the top reasons why guys do not reply texts after a few days.

He is busy

He is probably busy, and you shouldn’t work yourself up. So, instead of playing scenarios continuously in your head, just concentrate on something else till he replies your text. It should be noted that, after 48 hours, there may be more to the situation than the fact that he is busy.

He isn’t the person you thought you knew

Chances are you met him a few weeks ago and everything has been magical since then, until he went AWOL on you. He probably isn’t the person you know and has gone to continue his other life. He may be in some other romantic relationship or even married. The fact remains that anyone who you met and bonded with to the extent of texting them regularly wouldn’t just stop answering your messages.

He is no longer interested in you

This is a hard pill to swallow and you should take it easy on yourself. There is the likelihood that he no longer likes you and decided that staying away and severing any form of contact with you will keep you away.

There are guys that resort to this means of severing ties with persons in their lives, and you have to consider the fact that he may be one of such guys.

The reasons for guys not replying texts are always not good, and it’s important to be committed to taking care of oneself during this period. The lack of closure can do a lot of damage to your health and mind if you let it. Here are some tips to stay in the best form throughout the initail period when it hurts

  • Don’t stalk him on social media
  • Don’t double or triple text him
  • Accept the fact that he is gone
  • Love yourself

There are good guys, and there bad guys. Only the bad ones do not reply texts without a genuine reason. The next person you will bind that much with will be a good one.

My boyfriend went through my phone!

You still can’t stop thinking about the fact that he went through your phone. “Why did he have to go through my phone”, you keep asking yourself. Whether he confessed to going through your phone or you found out some other way, it’s natural to keep wondering why he did it.

He shouldn’t have gone through your phone, but now he has done it, and you have to address the issue. Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that it is an issue worth addressing. You shouldn’t sweep it under the rug because things will most likely become worse.

Now, you’ve decided to address the fact that he went through your phone. Here are some pointers on how you should go about addressing this issue.

Try not to overreact

Finding out that someone you trust completely doesn’t trust you as much can be a big blow, and one may naturally freak out and overreact, especially if they didn’t confess the act to you. You should ensure that you don’t overreact because that will jeopardize your chances of handling the situation properly. Yes, they probably don’t trust you as much as they used to and that hurts, but you should be concerned about finding out why they did it.

Find out why they did it

As much as you may not be able to understand whatever reason they have for going through your phone, you should try hear them out.

If you found out that they went through your phone without them telling, present your findings to them in a rational way and ask them for their reasons. You already know that they do not trust you as much as you expect them; you should also know the reason for the loss of trust.

You may find out they went through your phone because they were concerned about what was between you and the new colleague you’ve become overly friendly with and are always charting it. This still comes down to them not trusting you enough but you can tell now that their concerns are a bit valid. Also, remember to be objective while they explain why they went snooping.

Address their concerns

Let’s continue with the scenario above where they were bothered about what was going on between you and the new colleague and wanted to find out things themselves from your phone. You should address their concern by explicitly explaining the relationship between you and the colleague.

You should make them understand that going through your phone was a complete breach of privacy and trust. They should be able to trust you enough to bring such concerns to you instead of going through your phone.

At this point, they should be repentant of their act and seek ways of making amends. You should also explain how finding out that they went through your phone made you feel.

Build a stronger relationship

The fact that he went thorough your phone is a clear indication that all is not well. At this point, both of you should address the issues in the relationship. The phone incident may just unearth issues they didn’t notice. Work through those issues and build a stronger relationship where no one will need to check the other person’s phone.

It is also important to carefully evaluate the state of your relationship. Sometimes, the incident may be the sign you need to make that permanent decision of leaving.

My boyfriend is always on his phone!

No one wants their boyfriend’s attention stolen by another person much less a device, especially one as mobile as a phone. People take their phones everywhere, and that can be a major source of concern, especially if the phone gets in the way of making human interactions.

So, you were on a date the other day, and he was going through his phone the entire time, even worse than the last time. His behaviour got on every one of your nerves but you were calm throughout the date while asking him politely to put away his phone. He tried but kept going back to viewing his numerous feeds. Now you are wondering how to deal with the situation at hand: your boyfriend spends too much time on his phone, even in very private moments.

Your concerns are valid. No one deserves to have their boyfriend’s attention taken away by a phone, no matter the kind the kind of entertainment offered by the phone. We’ve put together a plan that will help you get your boyfriend’s attention back. You may have been feeling very powerless over the entire situation. We hope to empower you with this piece.

Evaluate that you do not have similar tendencies

It is easy to notice someone else’s misbehaviour without noticing yours. So we will starting with the man in the mirror. Evaluate and ensure that you don’t have similar tendencies. You shouldn’t do this evaluation within a very short time. Give the evaluation at least a week. If you have similar tendencies, even though not bad as his, you should work on yourself first before moving on to him.

Now, put your foot down!

After making sure that your phone doesn’t also steal his attention, it’s time you had a conversation about his phone habits. He may not even know that his habits get on your nerves as much as they do.

You wouldn’t be politely asking him to put away his phone anymore. Instead, you will be having a full conversation about his phone habits, telling him exactly how you feel about his habits. It will be great if you have your thoughts organized beforehand.

Set some rules

He usually agrees to putting away his phone when you ask but picks it up again, after a short time in most cases. This is because you haven’t agreed to a specific length of time he has to stay away from his phone.

Setting those rules will be very helpful. The rules will establish a standard and make him more aware of the fact that his behaviour is breaking the rules.

You could start with the standard “no phones at the dinner table” rule and improve on it. While trying to make these rules, you shouldn’t be out to “punish” him but to establish a situation where both parties make healthy compromises.

We are sure that this is a foolproof plan to get your boyfriend to spend less time on his phone when you’re together. You deserve as much as his attention as you can get back, and we hope that that’s what this plan brings you.

I went through my boyfriends phone and found something!

Everyone does something they regret once in a while. Going through your boyfriend’s phone could be that thing. Trust is an essential component of every relationship, and when you go through your boyfriend’s phone, trust tends to be broken both ways. By going through his phone, you break his trust, and if you find anything that suggests he hasn’t been completely faithful to you, you begin to stop trusting him.

You’ve gone through your boyfriend’s phone and found incriminating content and are now wondering what to do. This is a tricky situation, seeing that you broke his trust, and he broke yours, and the tables could turn both ways.

As much as you need to know what to do, it is also important for you to consider why you went through the phone. We will be addressing possible reasons why you went through the phone and then addressing ways to fix the issue at hand.

Why you went through his phone

Being in a relationship with a person means you trust that their intentions are sincere. When that level of trust is established, there is basically no need to snoop around their personal effects.

The fact that you went through your boyfriend’s phone is a red flag: it means that you don’t trust him enough. Acknowledging the fact that you have trust issues with your boyfriend is the first step in solving this problem. The fact that you went through his phone is an indication of insecurity, and it is also important to acknowledge your insecurities.

Now, what do you do?

Since we’ve established that it wasn’t in your place to go through his phone and that you have a bit of trust and insecurity issues, we will now share ways of getting yourself out of the mess.

Acknowledge your wrongdoing, to him of course

You’re going to have to talk to him about the fact that you went through his phone and found something, and it’s best to begin with acknowledging that you had no right to go through his phone.

Yes, you found something incriminating on his phone, but the best first step for you to make is to establish the fact that you breached his trust and privacy by going through the phone. You should know that he may get angry at you for going through his phone, and be prepared for his reaction.

Be entirely honest about how you feel

Although you will need to organize your thoughts so that you’re not overly emotional, you also need to be entirely honest about how you feel about what you found on his phone. Ask him as many questions as you need to get closure. You shouldn’t act like nothing happened and internalize your feeling. You will end up feeling worse.

Carefully consider the state of the relationship

You should also consider the state of your relationship and evaluate whether the love has been lost between you two. You went through his phone which is something persons that trust their boyfriends rarely do. He had something incriminating on his phone, another red flag. As much as you might hate to admit it, the relationship isn’t exactly great. Considering the state of the relationship will also help you to take the right steps whether in making things right or leaving the relationship.

It is important you remember that you will be tempted to jump to conclusions; please don’t do that.

I can’t talk to girls!

As unbelievable as it may seem, there is a significant number of guys who find it difficult to talk to girls. They may thrive in other aspects of their lives, but talking to girls is that act they’ve found rather tasking.

In this article, we will be highlighting common reasons why guys that can’t talk to girls are that way and giving them pointers to how to initiate a great conversation with girls and simply get more attention from girls.

Why some guys can’t talk to a girl

There are a myriad of reasons why some guys can’t talk to girls, and we will be highlighting some of the commonest reasons.

They are shy

Shyness affects a lot of personal relationships, especially when it involves a girl. People can be so shy that they keep to themselves badly and never initiate any conversation with girls. For this set of persons, the remedy is quite straightforward: work on the shyness.

They’ve been rejected by a girl before

Rejection hurts, especially if it’s from a girl. Rejections can also damage one’s morale in terms of initiating a conversation with a girl. Everyone agrees that rejection hurts, but it is not enough reason to put off talking to girls completing.

Persons that can’t talk to girls because of a previous rejection may also not be able to tell that the rejection was what dampened their abilities to talk to girls.

They are inexperienced

Experience comes in handy when trying to talk to a girl. That person that can work the room and initiate conversations with any girl they like was not always like that. There was a time when their act wasn’t put together, and with experience they became better. Inexperience can be countered by experience, and persons that struggle with talking to women could begin to gather a bit of experience.

Now that we’be covered basic reasons why certain guys can’t talk to girls, we will be sharing tips about talking to girls.

Be yourself

Although you may feel that your quirks are unpresentable, you need to be yourself to initiate a conversation with a girl. If you try to be someone else, you will be too busy staying true to the character to have a meaningful conversation with her.

Develop self-confidence

Girls can easily tell a confident person from a person that has a low self-esteem. Thus in learning how to talk to girls, it is important to build a healthy level of self-confidence that will make you better at talking to girls.

Don’t be too serious

Overseriousness kills any conversation before it starts, especially if the conversation is with a girl. You should dial your seriousness down a bit to be able to talk to a lady. Also remember to smile as you approach her to initiate the conversation. Smiling puts you at ease. If possible, you can also try to make eye contact with her from across the room before initiating the conversation.

The act of talking to a girl is really simple, as you must have gotten from this article. Tidy up your end and begin having those conversations you have always wanted.

How to propose to a girl

You meet an amazing girl and are sure you want to be with her. You can’t shake off the feeling that what you share with her is completely genuine just like what she feels for you and want to take things one step further by proposing her. Now, you need all the information you can get on proposing a girl and the entire planning process. We have tailored this article to cater for your need. We will be sharing ideas that apply to a majority of women. As much as you just simply want her to say yes to the proposal, a proposal is a major life occurrence for women, and they cherish the moment forever. So you need to properly plan and execute the proposal.

Find out what she likes

She must have shared ideas with you about how she would love the proposal in the past, and if you can’t remember any, you can seek the help of other persons close to her. From what she likes, create a special moment and propose her. Incorporate as much of the things you remember to create a very special moment for the both of you.

Aim for intimacy

It is important to be able to include intimacy as you propose a girl. Create the ambience and give her a romantic proposal she wouldn’t forget in a hurry. No matter the type of proposal you decide to go with, you should ensure that the element of intimacy is not substituted for something else.

Be yourself

As much as you want her to have the best proposal, you also want to propose her in all sincerity: being true to yourself and her is a major element of a proposal. In spite of all the planning, when the sincerity of the purpose is lost, the proposal tends to lose its spark.

Thus, it is important to, in the time leading to the proposal, remind yourself of what an amazing girl she is which is why you got to the point of proposing. This is important to be yourself and propose her from the sincerity of your heart so that the planning and executing of the proposal isn’t just you going through the motions.

You should also prepare to pour your heart out in its depths to her. She probably wouldn’t hear everything you say because of the excitement but every part she hears and remembers should hit the mark.

Include memories from your relationship so far.

Include memories from your journey so far into the proposal. These memories could be in different forms: pictures, songs and, if possible, recreation of scenarios. Memories from moments you were both very happy to not so amazing memories blended together will make a great combination.

Get her a gift

A gift symbolizes love and is one more way you can show your affection for the girl you are proposing. There’s no specification for this gift in terms of cost and size. As long as it is something she can cherish for a while. You could also watch out for things she particularly needs in the time leading to the proposal and them for her.

When proposing a girl, you should aim for intimacy, serenity and honesty as they make any proposal beautiful.

How to get a guy to talk to you

Guys get to talk to you all the time. More often than not, they are the kind of guys you’re not interested and you keep wondering why the ones you are interested in do not summon the courage to come talk to you.

You’re not sure of what you’re doing to keep them away but would like things to change. Be rest assured that you are not asking for too much. What you need is actually quite simple: you need the kind of guys you like to initiate conversations with you. Since you cannot initiate these conversations because you feel that your move will be seen as too forward, there are certain things you can do to give him a go-ahead. We’ve put some of those things together.

Make eye contact

Your eyes meeting with that of a random person and staying there for more than a moment is a major way of sending signals across to the other person. So, make eye contact with him. If he noticed you and liked you, he will probably be stealing looks at you increasing the chances of making that eye contact. Making eye contact will boost his confidence level and inspire him to initiate that conversation.

Smile

Yes, send your best smile his way, especially when you make the eye contact. Guys hate to be told off and try to ensure that you’re approachable before they make any move, especially in public spaces. By smiling at him, you’re simply expressing your approachability.

Create meeting opportunities

Some guys will never talk to you except there is a need for the talk, even if they like you from afar. So, even if you wouldn’t be initiating the conversation, you can catalyze the conversation by creating meeting points. To do this, however, you need to know a bit more about him like where he grabs his coffee or works out.

Be involved in his interests

This doesn’t mean changing who you are to get that conversation though. This simply means being involved in any of his interests that seem fun to you. That way you are both creating an opportunity to meet up and content for the conversation.

Send him a drink

This is perfect for the cute guy you meet at a bar. Your chances of seeing him again and employing any of the other methods in this case are slim and sending him a drink is a sure way to get him to come over to your table and initiate a conversation.

Become friends with his friends

This is another method to employ if the situation permits. If he is something you will get to see often and don’t mind associating with the company he keeps, you can start by becoming friends with his friends. That way, you’re more in his orbit and the chances of him talking to you become greatly improved. However, this method should be applied with caution giving him the needed space. You don’t want to come across as desperate.

The act of getting a guy is quite straightforward: simply make yourself approachable. So, go ahead and make yourself approachable, he probably was already looking for an opportunity to talk to you.

How to Deal with a Selfish Husband

Anyone who has had to deal with a selfish person can tell stories of how often they were hurt by their words or actions. Now imagine you had to share a life with this person, meaning they were always almost around. That’s what it’s like to be someone dealing with a selfish husband. Nothing erodes a marriage more quickly than a selfish spouse because marriage is a commitment to start treating yourself and your partner as two parts of a whole. If you’ve carefully assessed your marriage and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re married to a selfish man, it may be time to start figuring out ways to handle him. In this post, I’ve highlighted a few things you could try out.

  • Talk to him. This may seem like a cliché but talking to your husband is one of the easiest ways to communicate to your husband that his actions are rubbing you the wrong way. The fact that you made it to marriage with person means that the both of you saw something in each other worth coming together. You should therefore be able to talk to your husband about anything that you’re not comfortable with. Be as genuine as possible and try not to make the conversation seem as if you’re coming at him. In as much as you want to make him feel comfortable during the conversation, make sure you’re always in control. A selfish person will most likely want to turn the conversation around and make themselves out to be the victim. Do not allow it. In all of this, make sure you don’t just pint out his selfishness but also how it is affecting you and your relationship.
  • Talk to someone close to him. Everyone has that one person whose advice they take very seriously. Figure out who that person is for your husband and speak to them. Make sure you explain clearly to them how his actions are affecting you directly so that they can speak to him on your behalf. Also, ask them questions about him. They just might know something about dealing with him than you don’t.
  • Suggest therapy. Now this is a very tricky one because a selfish person may be violently opposed to marriage counseling so you have to be very careful. Time the conversation so that it comes up even he is in a good mood. Try not to make it seem like you’re pointing fingers and blaming him for the failure of your relationship. Instead of saying things like, “we should see a therapist because your selfishness is ruining our marriage”, try saying, “our relationship could be even better than it is right now and counseling can help get us there”. And if you do convince him to try therapy, stay committed to it.

Remember, there’s only so much you can do to change how someone acts towards you. Focus on becoming a better person, do not try to pay them back in equal amounts of selfishness. If after all your efforts you realize that your husband is still not interested in becoming a better person for you and your relationship, it may be time to remove yourself from that environment. But before doing that, be absolutely sure that you’ve given it everything you’ve got.

How to act when he pulls away and comes back

Some of the things men in relationships do are downright unexpected and beyond one’s imagination. You’ve got a great thing going and may have even said goodnight in the cutest way there is a night before, and the next day he pulls away, distancing himself from you and the relationship.

When a man pulls away from a relationship, it is usually one of the most frustrating experiences as you keep wondering what changed. Psychology experts have noted that pulling away is part of the complex of reactions men give to romantic commitments, so his behaviour is somewhat normal.

It has also been proven that when men pull away from relationships, they do so to clear their heads and ensure that they’ve not lost their identity as individuals. Relationships come with personality changes and when men pull away, they are creating the needed space to ensure that their goals and identities have not been changed or obscured by the relationship. This reaction to commitment is typically because men cannot bear situations where they are subdued. The evaluation that occurs during the period they took that break can also make them better persons, according to relationship experts.

It is important to know how to act when he pulls away so that your reaction does not make matters worse.

Be supportive

Although you may not understand it, he is trying to be a better person for you. A lot of the times, he wouldn’t be able to exactly explain his distant nature, and you may have to show your support from a distance. In being supportive, you should also ensure that you give them the needed space.

Get involved in other things

Relationships tend to be time-consuming, and since you will getting some free time during his break, you should look forward to investing that time in some other ventures. If you’ve been trying to find time to embark on some self-development activities, the break is the time you are seeking. Also embark on a bit of self-evaluation to ensure that your heart is in the best place and that you’re loving yourself.

When he comes back

After deciding to go a break without letting you know, he comes back and begins to behave like all is well when you both know all isn’t well. You’re wondering how you should react to his disappearing and appearing act, and we’ve got some pointers to guide you

Talk to him about how the space made you feel

If you felt like the most unloved person in the world during that period, tell him. You should make him understand that no one wants to be ghosted after dealing with the challenge of daily activities in the 21st century.

At this point, you should agree on the future of the relationship. The space would have given you time to constructively consider the state of the relationship. If you no longer want tho continue with the relationship, you should tell him. If you decide to continue, be sure to establish the fact that such ghosting periods are prohibited in the relationship.

How Stepchildren can ruin a Marriage

Nearly everyone who has had children from a previous marriage or relationship goes into a new marriage with the hopes of creating the perfect blended family. More often than not, these dreams are far from reality. With children who have been raised by a different parent and under different conditions than you’re offering, it might be hard to get them to see eye to eye with you. You have to understand them, their needs and not try to overstate your position with them else you risk losing your relationship entirely. So if you’re someone who is in this situation and it hasn’t been going well so far, or you’re just about to take the leap and want to make the best of it, here a few things you should know about step children and marriages.

  • There might be a little tussle for attention. Not every child understands the concept of loving different people equally. If you have children and you’re going into a new marriage, they might start to feel like their love was not enough for you or that our partner is trying to steal you from them. These unresolved sentiments will eventually grow into resentment and a whole lot of tension. Also, if you’re the one going into a marriage with someone who has kids, they might start to view as the imposter who is trying to disrupt their family dynamics. It’s worse if there the other parent was/is actively involved in their lives. To them, your presence might be interpreted as you trying to take their parent’s place. With situations like these, you have to show kindness without going overboard. Respect their space and understand that you cannot force a relationship with them. They have to come to you on their terms.
  • Your arguments about finances might increase. The thing about children is that they are expensive to care for. Now if you have a parent in the marriage who believes in going all the way for their children (even when it’s not exactly necessary) and another who is a bit more frugal with money, there will definitely be a lot of arguments about how the family’s finances should be spent. In this case, it necessary for both parents to come to a consensus on how they want to handle the issue and apply it across board to all children.
  • There might be disciplinary or boundary issues. Everyone does not define discipline in the same way. This might result in arguments very often. One person may be stricter and want to handle all children in that manner while others may assume that you’re going down too hard on the children. These arguments if not handled properly might result in conflicts that may lead to bigger issues in your relationship. As with every relationship, you will both have to compromise and come to a consensus on how to properly handle discipline with the children.

If you’re the one without kids in the relationship, remember that your partner’s kids are a huge part of their life and you should try to cut them some slack. On the other hand, if you’re the one with kids, try not to use your children as an excuse to not pay attention to your spouse. Blended families may be hard to maintain, but it is definitely not an impossible task.

How long do rebound relationships last on average?

Heartbreaks can be terrible, and since humans have the universal need for love and affection, rebound relationships are some of ways that have been adapted for getting over a relationship. Rebound relationships are simply relationship that begin before one completely heals from a heartbreak whether from a breakup or divorce.

Rebound relationships are especially common amongst persons that were in a long-term relationship and can’t bear to be alone in the time after the breakup. So, they get into the next available relationship to help them get over the heartbreak.

How long do rebound relationships last?

As much as we will love to give a figure, matters of the heart unfold in different ways and such figures do not exist. Rebound relationships can last long if one stays committed to it and finds their new relationship worth the effort.

The short-term rebound relationships are so for obvious reasons. They were started without getting over the last relationship. In such relationships, the rebounder doesn’t gets to connect with their new partner properly because of the ghost of the past relationship.

Since we have established the fact that rebound relationships last for a variable length of time, we will be sharing characteristics of short and long-term rebound relationships.

Short-term rebound relationships

These relationships are intensely passionate and borne out of the need to fill the void created by the last relationship. The rebounder tends to find someone to take away the hurt caused by their ex, and they typically find the new partner very fast.

The relationship then proceeds in an emotionally draining and intense way to try to block out memories of the ex. As much as the rebounder will try to block out memories of their ex, they will unconsciously mention that ex every now and then in anger and compare their new partner to their ex.

When the rebounder gets over the last relationship, they leave the rebound relationship because all they needed the relationship for was to heal.

Long-term rebound relationships

These relationships just like the short-term ones start within a short period of the last breakup without proper healing. However, they differ from the short-term ones in that the rebounder then builds a genuine connection with the reboundee. What started as a rebound relationship then transitions into a proper loving relationship. The proper loving relationship occurring as a result of a commitment to the relationship.

Are rebound relationships bad?

We would say that rebound relationships are not entirely bad. The fact that the reboundee does not know that they are in a rebound relationship is a major con of rebound relationships.

The pros of rebound relationships are in the fact that the rebounder gets to heal faster from the heartbreak. The rebounder also gets a high level of confidence from rebound relationships.

Rebound relationship could be great and not so great. The outcome of a rebound relationship is dependent on the efforts put into the relationship of the rebounder.

Funny questions to ask a girl to make her laugh

As complicated as women seem, one fact remains constant: they love to laugh. This is an open knowledge that one can leverage on to win their crush. Although women love to laugh, they do not laugh at random jokes and questions, and it is important to be deliberate about making her laugh.

We present a pool of question that we are sure will make her laugh. These questions are generally lighthearted to both make her laugh and help you know more about her.

If you had to change one thing in the world, what will it be?

Now this question will bring out her naughty and wild side as she tries to explain in the midst of laughter that random thing that irks her. If she doesn’t begin to talk about some funny obsession, she will talk about her passion. Whichever path she choose, you win by making her laugh or getting to know the things she is really passionate about.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Seeing that you’re asking a question that will make her share a moment where she was very vulnerable, you can take the lead by sharing a moment you wished the earth will open under your earth. That way, she becomes more comfortable with telling you about that embarrassing moments in between bouts of laughter for the embarrassing moments.

What’s the dumbest pick-up line anyone has used on you?

You wouldn’t believe some of the really lame pick-up lines used on girls till date. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from laughing as she shares the most ridiculous pick-up lines she’s heard.

This question could even lead into another conversation where you dispute some of the pick-up lines she finds ridiculous.

What’s that one thing you will never do again?

With this question, you’re asking about that thing she tried and forbade herself from ever doing it again. The experiences she may share may be similar to the ones you’ve had creating an opportunity for bonding better.

If you had to choose one superpower or become a superhero, what or who will it be?

Everyone has thought of having a certain superpower or being a certain superhero at a point in their life, and you may just find her answer interesting. As she tries to explain why she choose that superpower or superhero, you may just have a spinoff conversation filled with laughter. Your spinoff conversation may even be on who your favourite superhero is or was at a point.

Are you naughty or nice?

She may begin by saying she is a bit of both, naughty and nice, but she will eventually settle for one after you request she sticks to one. Be sure to get her explanation for being naughty or nice: that will definitely make her laugh.

When a girl laughs, she becomes more relaxed and the conversation can easily bloom. Whenever you need to make a girl laugh, be sure to consult this article for some guidance.

I resent my husband for not setting boundaries

Before marriage, everyone has all these exciting expectations that usually involve sunshine and rainbows. Even those who boast of happy marriages never tell the full story so a lot of people are actually shocked when it’s finally their turn. You hear stories of how they found the love of their lives, and how their partners complete them. But nobody ever warns you that getting married to someone means they will ALWAYS be there. As in, even in times when you just want to be left alone, this person will still be there. For a former single person who is used to having their own space and doing things other way, this may be very unsettling especially if you have a partner that refuses to honor your boundaries. In cases like this, if it not addressed soon enough, then you begin to hear complaints like, I hate that my wife doesn’t get that I need space” or “I resent my husband for not setting boundaries”. Some people don’t even have boundaries and that alone is a recipe for disaster. With marriage, boundaries are very necessary because a life time is too long to spend with someone you resent.

While having boundaries is very important, that alone is not sufficient. You need to let your partner know that any violation would result in consequences that you should be more than ready to follow up with. If you’re not sure about how to establish consequences for boundary violations, here are a few things you should know.

  • Make sure they are deliberate and not impulsive. If your consequences are going to have any effect at all, then you need to be deliberate about them. Do not wait until you’ve been violated to make that decision. That way, when it happens, you are not caught unawares and you don’t react emotionally as tis could ruin the intended effect.
  • Make sure it is a related consequence. When establishing boundaries and consequences, make sure they are related. For example, if your husband goes through leaves his clothes lying around, get him to do the laundry for a week. That way, he sees that his actions affect you and you’re doing something about it.
  • It should be appropriate for the crime. When establishing consequences make sure that they are just as severe as the violation is. If the consequence is not as severe, your spouse begins to feel like he can do what he wants and just get a slap on the wrist. On the other hand, if it is too sever, it may begin to feel like you’re overreacting.
  • You should be able to enforce it. If you are going to establish a consequence, make sure it is something you know you can enforce. Don’t go creating consequences that you’ll never be able to follow through because that will only make you appear as more of a joke to them.

While you do all of this, make sure you are following up with your partner’s character. If you’ve noticed that all that you’ve tried is not working and you still do not get the respect that you desire, you may need to start seeking out more drastic solutions.

Is She Playing Hard to Get or Not Interested?

With the number of happy relationships being flaunted on social media, you would think that women have men completely figure out and vice versa. However, a lot of men are still trying (and failing) to decipher the actions of women. So now you’ve met this girl whose feeling you’re not sure about. Does she like you? Is she playing hard to get or is she simply not interested? The line between these two is really not as thin as people make it out to be. See if a girl is playing hard to get, chances are she likes you a whole lot but is probably too scared to give in so quickly. On the other hand, if she’s not interested, best believe there are no feelings brewing. If you’ve had these questions, you need to start paying more attention to how she responds to you and you may have your answer. Here are a couple signs that may help you figure out which side of the fence you’re standing on right now.

  • How she responds to your texts: If a girl is playing hard to get, she may want to hold off on being the first to text you. When you eventually text her, she might also play busy and not respond immediately but she will definitely respond. On the other hand, if she’s not interested in you, she might just gloss over your messages and not respond to them.
  • How she reacts when she knows you’ve been hanging with other girls: As we earlier said, a girl who is playing hard to get probably like you a whole lot. This means that if she sees or hears about you hanging with other girls, you might notice an expression of mild jealously. If she’s not interested, she would really not care what you’re out doing. She might even try to set you up with some of her friends.
  • What her friends know about you. If a girl likes someone, her friends would probably hear all about it. If you hang out with her and her friends and there are indications that she has been taking about you in an endearing manner, you are in luck my friend. If you however meet her friends and they either don’t know you or they refer to you as the creep who has been bugging their friend, you may want to cut your losses on this one.
  • What she tells you. When a girl out rightly tells you “No”, you should probably listen to her. A girl who likes you may put you on hold, flirt with you and then leave you hanging for a while but she would never tell you to leave her alone in plain words. So if this girl you’re trying to talk to has clearly made it known that she’s not interested and she doesn’t appreciate the advances, respect her space and take several steps back.

If you’ve noticed any of the signs that she’s not interested, then pull yourself out of that situation and give her some space. You deserve better in a relationship and so does she.

How to Make a Marriage Work with Stepchildren

In all honesty, being a step-parent is a Herculean task. It comes with a lot of ups and downs and if care is not taken, it can cause a huge strain on your marriage. Marriages on their own require a whole lot of hard work, not to talk of adding the stress of having step-children. Some might never accept you and would stop at almost nothing to make life hard for you. However, with these tips highlighted below, you can still make your marriage work when step-children are involved.

Set Boundaries

If you want to enjoy your marriage with step-children involved, you need to set boundaries as quickly as possible. You should let the children be aware of what is acceptable with you and what is not. It goes in both ways, as you should equally respect their own boundaries, especially if they are teenagers. No issue should be seen as too big or too little for boundaries to be set. It would breed respect and become an important aspect of your daily lives.

Grow Thick Skin

To have a successful blended family, you need to develop a thick skin while being sensitive to emotions as well. You need to take out time to put all your insecurities aside, because having step-children isn’t going to be an easy both ride. You will get compared a lot, you might get picked on, and the children might hate you or even say hurtful things about you. You need to take this unnecessary stress out without letting it put a strain on your marriage. In most cases, it all works out in the end.

Allow the Parent to Discipline

It is important to note that you should take a step back and let the parent do the disciplining. You can not decide to discipline them, especially in the early stages of your marriage. They need to know you to a certain extent and be comfortable enough to trust you. They definitely would not listen to you because you are their new parent. Start the process slowly by becoming actively involved in laying down rumors, however never punish them when the rules are broken. This would prevent the children from seeing you as the bad guy.

Never Let Your Spouse Choose Sides

When step-children are involved, never put your spouse in the position of choosing between you and the children. This is terrible for not just the kids, but for your marriage as a whole. In situations where you are having a discussion where a decision has to be made, you could use code languages that only you and your partner would understand. You could also discuss the issue later, but never give your spouse an ultimatum.

Finally, remember making your marriage work is just as important as raising children. They would not live with you forever, so make great memories with them while you can. It takes a lot of patience and maturity, but with your partner by your side, it can be a walk in the park.

How to deal with husband working night shift?

The dream of almost every married woman is to have her husband by her side every time, especially at night. Having him around makes her feel loved, secure and happy. However, there are sometimes when your husband would need a little extra money to meet the family’s needs. In cases like this, your husband might need to work the night shift. Most times, it becomes lonely for you and the kids, but you can still cope with the situation in the following ways.

Plan Dates To Maximize Intimacy

Since you know your husband works hard at night, you need to set out days where you’ll have dates on a weekly basis. These intimate moments are critical as you both have to take any opportunity to be affectionate and intimate towards each other. In addition to that, spend anytime you get cuddling on the couch or in bed. Leave sweet love notes in his lunch box, wallet or in the pockets of his shirt. Even if he is busy working, he would feel special and appreciated when he sees it while working. The time you spend with him should be kept sacred, so you have to make the most out of it.

Stay In Shape

While your husband is working at night, you could use that time to work out. You could go to a gym at night, or better still stay at home and engage in workout sessions. This is generally a great idea of your children are asleep. Try sit-ups, squats, lunges, planks and so on. Staying in the best shape would make you feel good about yourself and improve your confidence level with or without your husband being around.

Communicate Regularly

Thankfully, technology has made it easier for us to communicate as often as we want to. So, your husband working at night doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him. With Skype, FaceTime, and other social media platforms, you can talk to him anytime you want to. You can also text as often as you want to (if his job permits him to use his phone). Use that opportunity to send him your pictures and videos. This would make him anticipate and want to come home to you.

Respect His Sleeping Needs

As much as you want to maximize the time you spend with your partner, you need to respect his sleeping needs. As tempting as it might be to wake him up to spend time with you, it can be a bit exhausting for him because he needs as much sleep as he can get. Less sleep can make him resentful and cranky at work, and you definitely don’t want him to be that way at work. Let him sleep and wake up at his own time, then you both can decide what to do with the time when he is awake.

By prioritizing and rescheduling properly, your husband’s night shifts will not cause a strain in your marriage. As long as you both are on the same page, everything will work out just fine.

What Causes Resentment in a Marriage?

It is no news that one of the many slow poisons that is fast killing marriages is resentment. With resentment, it just doesn’t happen, it is built up overtime. Marriages where both partners are used to bottling up emotions or sweeping differences under the rug, in no time these marriages will be overcome by resentment. Marriage is a joint partnership, so it doesn’t just involve one person. If any of the partners have started to harbor feelings of resentment towards the other, it is necessary that they get to the root cause before it goes out of hand. These feelings of resentment could be caused any of several factors, but they all involve a form of injustice, wrongdoing or offense by the other partner. In this post, we have highlighted a few reasons why partners could begin to feel resentment in a marriage.

  • Unfulfilled Desires. Just like any relationship, resentment in marriage could be as a result of unmet desires. This happens especially when both parties had high expectations for the marriage. It could be in terms of finances, communication and even intimacy. You might start to feel like your partner is either not doing or giving enough for the marriage to be what you want it to be. This would make you cranky and end up having resentment in your marriage.
  • Selfishness. Another huge cause of resentment in marriage is selfishness. If you want to be married, you need to be as selfless as you can be. Always put your partner’s needs before your own. This not only makes your partner love and respect you more, but he or she would do the same. It nourishes the union as you both would always be on the same page without expecting anything or being too entitled to things.
  • Failing To Keep Promises. If you cannot keep your promises, then don’t make them. Broken and unfulfilled promises are detrimental to your marriage, especially because your partner would keep anticipating what you say you would do, then get disappointed. When this is done over and over again, your partner would totally loose trust and faith in you, and make them resent you for a long time.
  • Non-Appreciation of Efforts. A major cause of resentment in marriage is when a partner does not appreciate the effort of the other partner. This can be particularly frustrating, especially when the partner is doing his or her best to make the other person happy. Instead of constantly talking about what is wrong, take a moment each day to appreciate whatever your spouse is doing. It doesn’t have to be something huge, as it can be as little as taking the trash out of the bin. We’re all humans and we love to hear how appreciated we are.

Resentment is a horrible thing to happen in any marriage, as it even kills the intimacy involved. If your marriage is suffering from resentment, try and work things out with your spouse, before the wall of resentment becomes too high for you both to climb.

My Wife Doesn’t Respect Me!

One of the fundamental keys to a successful marriage is respect. Respect makes either partner feel loved and cared for. It particularly does wonders to the self esteem of the partner. But what do you do in cases where you feel you are being disrespected? If you have reached that frustrating point in your marriage where you think your wife does not respect you, you might want to find out the reason for this. Here are some top reasons why she doesn’t respect you.

  • You’re Irresponsible. One major reason why your wife doesn’t respect you is because you are irresponsible. If she has a busy 9-5 life and a career she is passionate about, but you do nothing other than hang on the couch, eat and play video games, the she wouldn’t respect you. This is because the bills will fall in her and you are in no way trying to help. Most women actually feel like they are taken advantage of, especially when their husband doesn’t support with things around the house. If you fall among these category of men, then there is no way your wife would respect you.
  • Nasty Behavior. If you have a nasty behavior, there are high chances that your wife wouldn’t respect you. Each day, we gave a lot of challenges and humans, and sometimes we need that special someone to help comfort and make us happy. If you have a bad behavior, and you are easily angry, irritated, cranky, your wife might not be happy to be around you. She’ll see you as a bad person that always gives off a bad vibe. Because of this, she might not respect you in any way.
  • Anger. If your wife is upset about an ongoing conflict, she would definitely not respect you. This is especially evident if she has tried to talk about it to you time and time again. If you dismiss her with an apology without tackling the root cause of the issue, then there is a high probability that she wouldn’t respect you. She’ll see you as a coward person who would rather not face issues as they come. Marriage is all about compromise and forgiveness, especially when differences arise. If you find yourself feeling disrespected, it might be as a result of not settling an issue the way it should be.
  • Absence of Dominance. Some men think by being by not been firm in their thoughts and decisions would make their marriage a happy one. This is wrong as men as supposed to take charge and remain firm in all they do. This doesn’t mean you should be domineering, but you should always put your feet down as the man of the house. Don’t just do whatever your wife pleases. If you lack dominance, she wouldn’t respect you, as she can even make major decisions without consulting you.

You can still talk to you wife about this issue if you feel disrespected. Remember, respect is reciprocal, so you should equally give and show her the respect she deserves. With that, you would be sure to have a happy marriage.

Signs My Separated Wife Wants to Reconcile?

Not everyone rides into the sunset with the man/woman of their dreams. Sometimes, relationships and marriages come to an end. This does not mean that your feelings for that person will suddenly fade. You may even toy with the idea of giving your love another chance. While this might seem like something you should try out, you have to be entirely sure that you’re ready to do things differently and that it’s something that you both want. If you’re suspecting that your separated wife may be trying to mend your relationship, here are a few signs you should start looking out for.

  • She always tries to keep in touch with you. If your ex-wife is always calling or texting you first and trying to set up meetings with you, it might be a sign that there are some unresolved feelings on her part. This is a clear sign that she misses you and she’s only trying to come up with chances for the two of you to remain in each other’s lives.
  • She’s always showing interest in your life. If you have an ex-wife who is constantly asking about your life and how your plans are going, chances are she’s trying to get back with you. The truth is people are rarely invested in people that they do not care about. The fact that she is always interested in knowing what you’ve been up to is a sign that she still cares about you and would probably not mind giving your relationship another try.
  • She brings up the past A LOT. If a woman is constantly bringing up your relationship and all the good memories it had, she’s most likely trying to rekindle the flame. All of a sudden, every random happening is somehow used a reference to something that happened in your relationship. Don’t be deceived, those are not random conversation topics. That woman is definitely trying to rekindle something with you. I mean, if it was all sunflowers and daisies while it lasted, why did it end in the first place?
  • You “randomly” bump into her a lot. Yeah right. You shared a life with this woman, I’m pretty sure she has a good idea of where to find you. She’s showing up in all the places you frequently visit because she’s trying to run into you. If you’ve noticed that you’re bumping into her a whole lot, then she’s probably placing herself in those places intentionally.
  • She has told you she still has feelings for you. Some women do not have the time to play mind games or drop subtle hints with you. If your ex-wife is one of those women who have no problems expressing themselves, she might just out rightly say so (even though some of them may try to pass it off as a joke).

While trying to work on a failed relationship is not exactly a bad idea, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not just because it feels familiar or because the other person wants. Take your time to figure out what you want and make sur you do what’s best for you.

Taking a break in a relationship: rules?

Breaks are necessary in relationships for several reasons: to find one’s self and evaluate the state of the relationship amongst others. Thus, breaks in relationships are strategic and purposeful. As such, some ground rules should be laid down when a couple decide to take a break from a relationship.

The rules are important to ensure that the break serves its purpose and that the best decisions are made after the break. Here are some ground rules which have been established for couples taking a break from their relationship.

Discuss the need for the break

Couples do not just randomly go on breaks. They carefully consider the option of taking a break and then act on it. The relationship may still be going great, but both parties know that they’ve lost a part of their initial connection and want to take some time off to find themselves and probably become better lovers. Thus, it is important to discuss the need of the break instead of just ghosting each other. It is also important to do this discussion in person as other virtual forms of communication may lead to lose of the essence of the discussion.

Discuss the situation of things explicitly

A lot of things tend to be left unsaid in moments such as when couples are deciding whether they should go on a break. The unsaid portions of the discussion typically include the bulk and most important parts of the discussion.

If things are going to be left unsaid when deciding whether to go on breaks and the terms and conditions of the break, more damage will be caused. Thus, both parties have to be committed to explicitly discussing how they currently feel and what they hope to achieve with the break.

Establish communication rules during the break

A break should be an actual break or it will lose its essence. Thus, it is important for both parties to agree to specific rules as per communication to achieve the goals of the break. As hard as it may be, it is essential to cut all forms of communication during the break except in emergency situations.

The essence of relationship breaks is to get one’s head out of the space of the relationship to be able to make decisions as regards the future of the relationship. This essence will be lost if ground rules such as severing communication are not maintained.

Establish a timeline

Establishing a timeline for the break is another essential ground rule. Any intervention or correction method typically has a timeline as should be the case for breaks in relationships. That way both parties know that they have a specific amount of time to stay away from the relationship and consider the next step in the relationship. The timeline should also be mutually agreed on by both parties.

Without rules such as the ones stated above, relationship breaks are not effective. If a couple is going on a break, it is important to make the break count, and that’s what these rules ensure.

Taking a break from dating

Everyone hopes to find that one person that sweeps them away and is everything and more to them, and with this intention, they go from one relationship to the other hoping to find the one. As much as it is important to date while finding the one, it is also important to know when to take a clean break from dating. We bring you some of the reasons why taking a break from dating is a great idea.

Allows you find yourself

Being with someone or going from one relationship to another can make you lose a bit of your personality. To connect back to yourself, taking a break might be necessary. You could concentrate so much on being a great partner and forget to concentrate on your goals taking a break could put you back in the right perspective.

Enables you meet new people

You may have been going from one relationship to another so fast that you have not had time to meet people outside your immediate circle. Being in exclusive relationships prevents a person from mingling as much as they want to, and during the break, they may be meet new persons. These new persons may even be more interesting than their current circle, and there’s no harm in expanding one’s circle.

Helps you redefine love

Sometimes, a break from dating is what a person needs to be sure that they were actually in love with the person they were dating. While on a break, a person will be able to consider the relationship objectively and decide whether they love the person they were with or just stayed in the relationship because of its convenience.

Offers clarity

The ability to constructively consider a relationship is strengthened by not being in a relationship. Firstly, taking a break means one’s mind wouldn’t be clouded by bias. Also, taking a break means being able to evaluate the pattern of the relationship whether it is proceeding like others that have ended in heartbreaks.

Provides opportunities for self-development

You may not realise how much you’ve slacked on your self-development plan until you’ve taken a break from a relationship. Relationships require investments of time, and sometimes, unknowingly, they may be all that you invest your energy into. When you take a break from a relationship, you get the space needed to see the little progress you have made on your self-development plan.

Teaches you to love

Yes, a break from dating can teach you to be a better lover. Persons who have found themselves are known to be better lovers, and that’s the basis of this particular point. When you take some time to breathe, and just enjoy the things you love, especially if you have be serially going from one relationship to another, you are bound to find other ways to love your partner better and be committed to them.

Taking a break from dating is not a completely bad idea. Any relationship that was meant to be will only blossom with such breaks. The benefits of breaks in relationships simply stems from the fact that both parties find time to concentrate on being better persons which is translated to being better lovers.

Stop texting him to get his attention!

You like a guy and can’t stop texting him and doing everything in your power to be around him. As cute as your actions may seem, you don’t want to be that person that is seen as clingy and annoying by their crush, and that’s exactly what you’re gunning for.
Having a crush on a guy can be a very great feeling. You get butterflies in your stomach when he is around and can’t wait for him to be around, even if you’re not sure he is aware of your crush on him. You also tend to do things you would typically not do when you’re crushing on someone. Texting him continuously shouldn’t be one of those things, and we have several reasons for this.
He will see you as clingy
Yes, your texting him every 15 minutes will make him see you as the clingy person that won’t let him be. You shouldn’t be that person. No guy wants to be with someone who can’t give them some space, at least the standard amount if space. By texting him nonstop, you’re showing that you are that kind of person.
So, simply put texting him to get his attention makes you seem clingy and will destroy your chances to being in a relationship with him, if that’s the goal or just being close to him.
Guys do not want to be chased
No matter how enlighted and modern a man is, he still feels the need to do the chasing instead of the other way which is what you’re doing. Guys generally love to go after who they are interested in and get them, as established by relationship experts.
When things are the the reverse, they lose their interest in the person. This is another evidence that, by chasing him, which you are doing with your texts, he will most likely lose interest in you.
At this point, you may be thinking that you like him so much and texting is that sure way of getting his attention. News flash, it isn’t. Here are some other ways you can go about things
Text him less often
We are sure that you expected this at the top of this list as it deserves. You should text him less often. Take your chances and be sure that he even likes you. When you give him more space, he will miss you and come looking for you, the way it is supposed to be.
Play hard to get
If he actually liked you and started to initiate conversations, then you should push it a bit harder by playing hard to get. Although, you initially sent him signals, begin to make yourself unavailable behaving like you were initially interested in him. You could also flirt with other busy whether in his presence or not.
Set boundaries
You’re still the person that has a massive crush on him, remember. So you have to set boundaries that do not make you seem desperate. It is because you want whatever happens between you two to be genuine and not rushed.
If he really likes you and got in touch with you, at this point you should have developed a natural bond that is mutual and not some clingy one-sided relationship. You’re welcome.

Dating a Single Dad with Full Custody

With the divorce rate on the increase and the family courts busier than ever, the chances of dating a man with a kid (from a previous marriage or relationship) are higher than ever. Now if he is not just a single dad, but one with full custody of his kid(s), there are a lot of things you should know before deciding to get on that wagon.

  • His kids will affect your relationship. Whether you like to believe it or not, his kids will always play a major role in your relationship. A single dad who is committed to raising his kids would always put his kids before your relationship. If you cannot come to terms with this fact, then maybe that’s not the relationship for you.
  • He will always be busy. As a single dad, a lot of time would be spent taking of his children, attending school functions and doctors’ appointments attending recitals etc. All of this including earning a living for his children will limit the time he has to spend with you. So if you decide that this is what you are going to do, then you have to understand that he may not pay you as much attention as you’re used to. If this is something you think you can deal with, then good for you! You’ve found yourself a man.
  • Pay attention to his children. With children, you just never know. They may be cute little angels with no tendencies for mischief or they may excited little humans that go around wreaking havoc. Before you make the decision to go into a relationship with that “everything you need in a man” kind single dad, closely observe how his children behave. More often than not, a child’s behavior is a reflection of their parents. So if his children are badly behaved and disrespectful to their father or to you, then it’s possible that you’ve missed something about your prince charming.
  • Pay attention to his parenting style. For someone who already has a head start in the parenting gig, getting him to make a switch would definitely be an uphill task. You have to pay attention to how he’s raising his kids and determine whether it works for you. If it doesn’t, you just be sitting on a disaster waiting to happen.
  • His children may not like you. When making the decision to date a single dad, always remember that his children (especially younger kids) may not like you. They might feel like you’re trying to take the place of their mother or you’re in the way of their parents getting back together. This would definitely be an issue for you because like we discussed earlier, when it gets down to it, he will always choose his children over you. If this is the case in your relationship, you could try several approaches. Be kind to them while reminding them that you know that you’re not their mother and you have no intention of taking her place. However, if you notice that they are not warming up to you and their dad always takes their side in arguments, then is definitely time to reevaluate your stance in that relationship.

Irrespective of all that we’ve said, it is absolutely possible to build a loving relationship with a single dad who has full custody of his kids. You just need to understand what works for you and what sacrifices you may need to make. In extreme cases, you also need to recognize when it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

When he takes you for granted

The most amazing thing about being in a relationship is having someone who would care for you so dearly no matter what happens. It is a very heart-warming feeling that you have someone who would tell you how amazing you are despite having a very bad day. On the contrary, this is not what happens all the time. Sometimes, he isn’t that thoughtful that you feel worthless. Being taken for granted gives you the most annoying feeling of being in a relationship.

What if you’re starting to feel that the care you expect from that someone is fading away? When he takes you for granted, what should you do?

1. Assess your relationship

When the spark between you starts to fade away, it is not advisable to jump into conclusion and make hasty decisions. It will be helpful to take your time and honestly assess the relationship. Ask yourself these questions: When did you start feeling that he’s taking you for granted? What have you done that could have led to these? Are you expecting too much from him? What exactly do you want him to do? Pondering on these questions and keeping an open mind can be very helpful in making appropriate decisions. This step, can save you from a heartache.

2. Talk about it

It is an important reminder that talking is different from nagging. A good and open communication is a strong foundation of a healthy relationship. Be open for whatever he has to say and be honest in your emotions. Avoid raising your voice. Tell him what you feel about his actions. Remember, you are not interrogating your partner. Hence, you should also answer to his question if there is any. Talk about what you would do about your relationship. Would you like a resolution or a closure?

3. Decide

After evaluating the relationship and talking about it, have the courage to decide. Is the relationship worth saving? If the answer is no, cry about it for a night or two and start to move on. It surely is easier said than done but you always deserve someone better.

4. Show him your worth

There’s this cliché that says the best form of revenge is to be beautiful. Indeed, nothing can make him feel his loss more than seeing how valuable is the person that he took for granted. Pamper yourself, do what you want to do, travel the world, enjoy your life for you deserve it. Show him that you are far better off without him. Go out with friends and families and show him that you have people who value you.

5. Date again

Failing in a relationship does not mark the end of the world. Hence, collect yourself and when you’re ready, never be afraid to date again! Surely, there is someone out there who will see your worth.

Remember, you are amazing. You are beautiful. You deserve only the best. Thus, don’t just let him take you for granted. If the relationship is worth saving, then do what you can to save it. Otherwise, let go and be happy!

 

When a man treats you badly

Sometimes, relationships become more stressful than beautiful. You fall in love with someone, decide to start dating them and everything proceeds beautifully before you start noticing signs that make you uncomfortable. You’re not sure what the problem is but are not entirely comfortable with the relationship. You’re sure that it is not physical abuse but can still sense that the beauty of the relationship is being increasingly replaced by stress and other forms of negativity. He begins to treat you badly, which could be unintentional, and you keep putting your best into the relationship. It’s a gray area for you, as there’s still a bit of beauty in the relationship and you’re wondering what to do.

It’s important to understand why men that treat women badly do so. A lot of the time, it is their way of lashing out. It is also a way of reacting to past experience. There are also narcissistic men who tend to treat their partners badly as a way of life. They are too fixed on themselves that they do not know how to treat the people in their lives properly and respectfully. Narcissism can be subtle at the beginning, but it eventually unveils itself in its fullness. When it does and he doesn’t acknowledge the need to make amends, it is best to leave that relationship. It is not news that the quality of one’s relationship can determine the quality of their lives.

When a man treats you badly, it is important to be proactive as your passiveness means you accepting the abuse, losing your self-esteem and respect. You are probably going to find it harder to leave if you are not proactive enough. A lot of people who have remained abusive relationship planned to leave but never got around to leaving. You shouldn’t become one of such people, and here are some pointers on how to get react when a man treats you badly.

Communicate your worries with them

If you’re concerned about how their attitude has changed in a certain area, you should talk to them about it. Communicate your worries with them as regards the discomfort you feel on certain areas of the relationship. They should be willing to see things your way and understand your concerns even if not fully. That way, they recognize the problem and are willing to see its end.

Otherwise, you stand the risk of doubting yourselves and continually wondering if you’re the one with the problem when you’re not definitely. A narcissistic person will make you feel like you’re the problem.

Communicating your concerns with them will be easier if you set up boundaries before getting into the relationship.

Be sure of their commitment to a change

You should be sure that he is going to make amends instead of just showing false concern. It is easy to get emotional with getting his commitments to making amends. There may be a sad background story to why they can’t treat you right, and you may be tempted to let his commitment to making a change slide. The fact remains that if you remain passive, things will get worse.

Be prepared to leave if nothing changes

There will be the scary thought pattern that you may not find someone better when you leave him and that most people are that same way, but you should begin to prepare to leave him when things deteriorate. Make careful considerations, and always consider leaving him completely as an option.

Ultimately, you should be prepared to be selfish and make tough decisions when a man treats you badly.

Dating a divorced dad: red flags

Majority of women think that dating a divorced dad comes with lot of complications because they already have priorities, they have undergone painful experiences, or they might still be too emotional after the process. However, even if you are single, you have complications too right? So that does not mean that divorced dad do not deserve a second chance at love, some might even have an advantage since they already have a long term experience, they are mature enough to handle women, and they know how to keep them satisfied and happy. Do not stop yourself if you want to date a divorced dad, give him a chance. Just make sure that you fully understand his situation and get ready to take the risks just like any other usual relationships.

Here are some of the red flags when dating a divorced dad that you need watch out:

  1. Know his goal – Divorced dads are just like normal men, they either want to play around or they are looking for a long term relationship and it is very important that you know his type in order for you not be a rebound. You need to make sure that he is completely ready to fall in love again after a divorce before you invest time, effort, and feelings. Take your time and know him better.

  2. Too defensive – Even if you are just asking usual and simple questions, they tend to give you defensive answers. This might be because of their previous relationship or they are too experienced with these kinds of situations and they think they know what you wanted to hear from them. Sometimes, he even gets angry when asked.

  3. He is too emotional – This is common especially if a man just got separated. He opens up about the process, how painful it was, and things like that. There is definitely nothing wrong with that because it just simply means that he trusts you and wants you to understand him. However, what is not normal is whenever you are together, you only talk about these things over and over and he makes it the topic of your every conversation, which can be very toxic and stressful.

  4. Runs away from responsibilities – Is he afraid of commitment? Does it make him uneasy whenever you open up about having your own family with him? Watch out for this red flag and make sure that your divorced man is not afraid of responsibilities before you start something with him.

  5. Ask your kids – If you are also divorced and you have children, make sure to ask your kid’s opinion towards him because if you two decided to be together, it is essential that your kids love him too and vice versa.

Those are the red flags when dating a divorced dad. You need to exert extra effort in order to identify their goals before you invest your precious feelings. Ask yourself, is he ready to start his new chapter of life with you or he just wants to play around after a divorce? Trust your instinct!

My Relationship is stressing me out!

Relationships supposedly give you inspiration, keeps you motivated, and most of all, happiness. After all, this is one of the reasons you get into it right? It is actually for majority of couples but not at all times. There will come a time or stage in your relationship where you would experience problems and stress, it is inevitable. If you experience this, it does not mean that you have to end it right then and there because if you really love your partner, you would do anything to make your relationship work and sometimes the solution to your problem is very easy, you just need to determine what is causing it to know the most appropriate solution.

How will you know that you are in a stressful relationship?

  • You prefer to share your problems and ask advice from other people rather than your partner because telling him or her will just make your feelings worst.

  • Your partner decides for you.

  • Lack of moral support.

  • You cannot tell your partner what you do not like about his or her attitude because you are afraid that it might upset him or her.

  • You feel like one simple mistake can end your relationship. In short, no sense of security.

  • You prefer going out with friends rather than spending time with your partner because they are more fun to be with.

Those are just some of the signs that show your relationship stresses you out, there are totally a lot more. These issues can easily be resolved by:

  • Communication – This is perhaps on of the most important thing to have a successful relationship. You need to have the courage to communicate with your partner whatever it is that you need to discuss. You need to make sure that you explain it properly and ensure your partner that you are saying it for his or her own good and you only want what is the best for your relationship.

  • Listen – You should not always be the one to talk, you should also learn to listen. If you are done with what you are saying, make sure to listen to your partner as well in order for the both of you to come up with the best solution to what is causing the stress in your relationship. Listen to your partner at all times and make sure that you are comprehending what he or she is saying and pay attention to it.

  • Bonding time – It is great to feel that you are happier with your partner rather than spending time with your friends. To achieve this, you need to make your bond stronger by doing things that you love together, try your partner’s hobby maybe you would like it too, and many more.

  • Be you – It is essential to be yourself, do not change yourself just to impress your partner, let him or her see the real you because then you are sure to see if your partner accepts the whole you to prevent attitude problems later on.

Whatever causing the stress in your relationship, it is important that you practice these tips in order to de-stress your relationship and make it work. Try to reflect on what is causing the problem, determine the things that you did that resolved the issue or just made it worst and try not to do it again. Convince your partner that it is okay to tell whatever he or she wants to tell and assure that whatever it is, both of you will work it out and love will always prevail.

I don’t trust my girlfriend

If you ask ten people what contributed to their previous relationship breakups, at least 6 of them will mention lack of trust as one of the reasons. So, the question, “I don’t trust my girlfriend, what do I do?” comes along for most people.

Trust is a necessity for any relationship, from work relationships to personal relationships. Hence, romantic relationships involve two persons that put themselves out there and decide to trust each other. So even though one or both parties have been greatly hurt from trusting people in the past, they have to overcome the fear of being hurt when they trust to achieve a great relationship.

We will be going through some of the reasons why you probably don’t trust your girlfriend and giving pointers on how to go about trusting her. Although, trusting people comes with a lot of risks, trusting the right person especially when they are your girlfriend brings forth the most beautiful experience. Hopefully, we will be able to get to the root as per why you don’t trust your girlfriend.

Here are some of the reasons why you probably don’t trust your girlfriend and how to handle each of the cases.

Their past

Everyone has a past, some shadier than others. Your girlfriend’s shadier past may be the reason why you don’t trust her anymore. Maybe you even trusted her at the beginning of the relationship and stopped when you heard or got to know certain things about her.

You begin to doubt the sincerity of her personality, which was probably what made you fall in love with her and begin to stop trusting her.

In this case, the best bet is to talk to her about what you heard or what made you start doubting the sincerity of her personality. When you present your doubts to her and get more clarity, you will be at a better place with her.

The company they keep

Your girlfriend had other friends before both of you committed to your relationship and those friendships wouldn’t be broken when you start dating. Chances are you do not like all of her friends, maybe even the ones closest to her.

You probably have heard them laugh over something you found very awful and begin to lose the trust of your girlfriend. You begin to wonder what she is usually up to with her friends when you’re not around.

When you don’t trust your girlfriend and the situation is like this scenario described, you should try to understand the basic character and personalities of your girlfriend and her friends. As long as you’re sure of what the basics are, you wouldn’t find those occasional scenarios worrisome.

The lies they tell

There is also a high probability that you stopped trusting your girlfriend after you found out that she had lied about something, probably a white lie. Instead of trying to decipher what else she has told you that is a lie, it’s better to approach her with the situation and talk it through.

The situations described above are some of the commonest as regards persons that don’t trust their girlfriends. Overall, it is important to note that trust building is a process and may not be an easy one. The amazing thing about trust building is that, with the right person, the outcomes are breathtaking.

How to Say Sorry to Boyfriend in a Romantic Way

Getting hurt and hurting others seem to be a regular part of any relationship. There are disappointments from unmet expectations, lies, cheating, and even unintentional mistakes that lead to broken hearts. As it is a regular part of relationships, it is important to know how to turn such situations around and take these scenarios as opportunities of showing your boyfriend how much he means to you as you apologize for what you have done may it be deliberate or not. Real life is far from fairy tales but you can still have the power to create a happily ever after.

Here are some ways on how to say sorry to boyfriend in romantic ways:

  • Get him back with a background. If you have access to your boyfriend’s smartphone, tablet, laptop, or desktop computer, then you can get created with pictures of you two, or things that are special in your relationship like where you had your first date, your first movie, first gifts, and so on. Take him to a trip down memory lane and use it as wallpaper on his gadget. However, if you cannot make time for that, you can simply hold a paper saying “I’m sorry”.
  • Healing Hug. Heal his pains with a sweet and sincere sorry sealed with a bear hug to make him feel your sincerity. A hug speaks volume more than words and no one can stay angry for a long time when they feel the warmth of their loved one’s body. Hugs have some serious healing powers and it can soothe tiredness, weariness, and even pains. However, what most people do not know is that you can get healed both when getting and giving a hug. It allows you to express emotions that you cannot accurately express in words.
  • Food Fight no more. Get your apology to your boyfriend’s heart through his stomach. Cook his favorite food or order it if you do not know how to cook. One of the most effective ways is to bake a cake or cupcakes for him as its frosting will give you the perfect canvas for your message of apology. It is, literally and figuratively a sweet way to tell him how sorry you are for hurting him. However, if you choose to cook him a meal, you can simply leave a short note (or a long one) asking for apology.
  • Sorry Sounds. You can tell your boyfriend you are sorry through songs. Create a mix tape, CD, or a collection of MP3s with songs saying sorry. Just make sure that these songs are within his favorite genre so it will be even more pleasurable for him to listen to. Let his favorite music artists get your message across to him.

It is important to capitalize on your boyfriend’s interests to make sure that he will appreciate your gestures. Get to know your boyfriend well to be able which among these ways on how to say sorry to boyfriend in romantic ways will work for him.

 

How to Say Sorry to a Girl

The worst thing about fighting with your girl is that it costs both of you minutes, hours, days, sometimes even weeks of happiness. These are times that you could have had with each other – building memories and deepening your relationship with each other. However, fights are things that you cannot avoid in any kind of relationship especially in romantic relationships. They say when you love someone you give that person the power not only to make you happy but also to hurt you. In case you committed a mistake, here are some ways on how to say sorry to a girl:

  • Words Work. While some say that talk is cheap, it is most valuable when you speak with utmost sincerity. First, if you really believe that you have done something wrong, you need to acknowledge the fact that you did. However, if you weren’t aware that you were hurting her that time, you can apologize for your insensitivity. After saying that you are sorry, you can ask her if there’s anything that you can do to make up for your mistake. Lastly, tell her that you will do your best to not commit the same mistake again and stick to it.
  • Star Quality. This is something special that you can do for different special occasions such as anniversary, birthday, Valentine’s Day, and more. However, it is also ideal when you want to say sorry to your girlfriend. You can name a star after her at the Online Star Registry which is something that she will remember for the rest of her life. You can play it up with other sweet gestures such as an outdoor dinner under the stars, star gazing, and more.
  • Sweet Sorry. You can never go wrong with chocolates. Even ladies who are on a diet just cannot resist chocolates. You can give her blocks of chocolates where you can spell out the word “sorry” using icing or syrups. You can also prepare any food that she likes and use chocolate syrup to write “sorry” on the plate instead.
  • Paper Power. With the advent of technology and digital communication like e-mail, text messages, and instant messages, still, nothing can beat the excitement and anticipation that an actual written letter gives to the receiver. It is something that you can physically hold, keep, and read over and over again. So, go get a fancy paper at any bookstore and pour your heart out. The letter can be short or long but what’s important is that you mean everything written on it.
  • Video Victory. You can tell her you’re sorry through creating a video with pictures of the two of you and your theme song, her favorite song, or a song saying sorry. You can either upload it on any social media platform or send it to her through instant messaging.

When you hurt her, make her feel loved multiple times more and choose any or all these ways on how to say sorry to a girl.

How to Confront Your Boyfriend after Snooping

Every now and then, we get suspicions about our partners that we may not be able to shake off or even discuss with them (if you’ve never had those, congratulations you’re one of the lucky ones). Some of us go on to handle it properly by having that discussion with them. Some others do not handle it so well and may have to resort to alternative measures like going through their stuff. While snooping is not exactly okay, it doesn’t make you a bad person either. In fact, every woman has probably done it at some point in their relationships. So if you’ve gone through your boyfriend’s phone (whether or not you found anything suspect), don’t beat yourself up, you’re not alone.

The first thing you need to realize about snooping is that you’ll eventually have to own up to it. Even if you found something to be angry about, you still need to admit to yourself that you invaded his personal space and broke his trust. So before you confront him about what you may or may not have found, you’ll need to explain the source of that information. And the truth is, even if you decide to hold on to that information, it will definitely come up some day, either as an unconscious statement or in the heat of an argument. Either way, in whatever scenario you conjure, keeping the fact that you snooped away from your boyfriend never ends in your favor.

Now while you’re revealing the fact that you snooped to him, make sure you have the conversation under control. If you indeed found something, there is the tendency that he will turn the argument around and have you looking like an insecure mess. Do not let that happen. Do not let your action be used as an excuse to treat you badly. Redirect the conversation to the issue and if apologies are necessary, make sure that you get them without coming off as aggressive or manipulative.

Also, if you have questions that need to be answered, make sure you get those answers. He already knows you snooped, he’s going to have negative feelings about that anyway so you might as well get some clarification while you’re at it. Ask him for the truth and then you can decide what to do with the information you get in that moment.

Finally, you have to reassure him that you had good intentions. At this point, there’s no need to lie about stumbling on his phone or coincidentally finding the note while doing the laundry. You have nothing to gain from playing mind games. Make him understand that you understand his anger or disappointment (whichever he may be feeling at the time) and that it won’t happen again. Whether he forgives you or not is up to him, (chances are that if you love each other, you can work it out) but at least you’ll not be investing your emotions and time on a relationship founded on lies and deceit. You may also need to ask yourself why you felt the need to go snooping through his stuff. If there are signs that you’re intentionally ignoring, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate what you really want from your relationship.

How to bring back the spark in a relationship

How to bring back the spark in a relationship

Break-up is one of the most traumatic emotional experiences that anyone can ever experience in life. This experience can lead to several effects like depression, lack of motivation, self-pity, anger, embarrassment, and more. This is actually one of the things that keep a person from getting into a relationship. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship have been, it could be months or years, still, the heartaches will be worst.

A broken relationship can be caused by several factors but the worst among them is “falling out of love” with each other. Nevertheless, this is preventable. Falling out of love with your partner is not something that could happen without your permission. You can’t just let it happen and blame destiny or fate when your relationship didn’t work out. When you feel like the spark between the two of you is starting to fade, there are ways to reignite the flame.

1. Go back to where it all started

When you started dating, everything seemed to be so vibrant, colourful, fun, and exciting. So, go back to where it all started – literally and figuratively. Go back to the place where you first met and to the places where you had the most memorable moments. It can bring back good memories that can help you go back to the things you used to love about your partner. Go back to the dreams that you have shared with each other.

2. Try new things

Monotony in a relationship is the main source of boredom. When the relationship gets boring, it would surely lead to break-ups. Try new things with your partner to bring back the excitement in each other’s company. Go out of your comfort zones, try new food, explore new places, do crazy things, try new hobbies, and the like. Maybe all you need is a little ice breaker.

3. Give presents

During the early stage of your relationship, you were both trying to surprise each other with little things that could make you feel good and happy. So, giving presents big or small can surely bring back the happy feeling of being in the relationship.

4. Spend time with each other

Spending time with your partner is an inevitable way of expressing your love and care. Thus, no matter how busy you are with other things, if you have a love worth saving, make it a priority.

5. Show your love and affection

A tight hug and little kisses after a tiring day can definitely make everything feel better. Hence, bring back the spark by being sweet and passionate. Hug often, hold hands more, and say “I love you” all the time.

 

Keeping the spark in the relationship is the key to conquer all the trials and live happily ever after. Remember, staying in love with your partner is not a chance but a choice so, when things get rough, find reasons to hold on rather than reasons to let go. Love is an endless adventure. Just keep going and enjoy the journey.

 

How do alpha males treat their girlfriends?

Nature, life adventures and preferences separate people into groups. There are the dominating alphas and then the betas and the other less dominating personality types. In any wolf pack, there is an alpha, that wolf that leads all members of the pack, has to fight with other members of the pack to keep their position and ward off threats from other packs. Although humans do not move in packs, there are alpha males who are known to be naturally dominating in almost every area of their life.

Since alpha males are known to dominate every aspect of their lives naturally, one may wonder how they get to relate to their girlfriends. There is thus the million dollar question, “how do alpha males treat their girlfriends?” We hope to answer that question and give you a sneak peek into how alpha males treat their girlfriends.

The general way alpha males treat their girlfriends is different from what is common, as expected. When a typical non-alpha male falls in love, they tend to get overly used to all the perks of the relationship like the love and support girlfriends show their boyfriends. The alpha male system of dating involves a perfect mix of paying the right attention to their girlfriends and treating them well but not overly getting attached to the perks of the relationships. An alpha male is generally secure, and this high level of self-confidence, self-esteem and security is projected in all aspects of the relationship. Seems a bit complicated right, let’s get into more details on how alpha males treat their girlfriends

Alpha males give their girlfriends attention

An alpha male strategically goes into a relationship and thus shows commitment from the moment the relationship is a go. Alpha males do not lack advances and thus tend to choose who they want to be with rather than who is available. Alpha males also understand how relationships work; they understand that the importance of spending quality time with their girlfriends and strategically plan spending quality time with their girlfriends into their lives. However, alpha males tend to give this high level of attention when they notice that they completely have their attention and commitment.

Alpha males give their girlfriends space

Alpha males understand the importance of giving people the necessary space which is founded in the fact that they have no insecurity issues. The average alpha understands when his girlfriend has to be out of own because of work or other business for a while and may not be able to keep up normal everyday conversations for that period.

The reassurance is in the fact that alpha males, more often than not, trust their girlfriends and understand that other aspects of their lives may need their attention.

Alpha males shower their girlfriends with gifts and respect them

When an alpha male is committed to a relationship, they are usually completely committed. Thus, they are not afraid of showing how much they love her, and this involves showering her with gifts. An alpha male also respects his girlfriend. This is because, for most of their values, alpha males have placed a premium on mutual respect and strives towards it.

It should be noted that while an alpha male respects and loves his girlfriend wholeheartedly, this commitment comes from being sure of their girlfriend’s commitment. Alpha males know when they are not appreciated and wanted and stay away from those situations.

Effects of Working Night Shift on Relationships

Relationships are not easy. It takes work, sacrifices, and compromise from time to time. However, when one or both of the persons in a relationship works the night shift, you need extra effort in making the relationship work. First, you need to understand the effects of working night shift on relationships and see if there is anything that you can do to prevent it from causing problems.

  • Less time with each other. When you have to work in the evening, it is most likely that you will not be able to spend much time with your partner because you will be working as he or she sleeps and when you get home, it is just about time that your partner leaves for work. Spending time with each other would require lots of effort and unimaginable sacrifices.
  • Sleep deprivation. Your body clock takes time to adjust and even though you may be able to sleep in the morning, it is highly unlikely that you will get the same quality like a good night’s sleep. It results to you being easily irritated and this damages relationships not just with your partner but also with your family and friends.
  • Guilt trip. If you are the one who works the night shift, you may feel guilty at times. You may feel that you are not being able to fulfil your part in the relationship as you cannot be there for your partner in special occasions as well as in times of need because you are at work. As a result, your insecurities start to grow as you think that there are others out there who can make your partner happier.
  • Solo. Since you are asleep while others are going on with their daily routine, you will usually feel left out. You do not have many people to interact with aside from your workmates. One of the things that suffer the most is your social life. What usually happens is that you may try to stay awake to spend time with your partner but your energy will most likely be low and you are not at your best. As a result, you will not be able to spend quality time with your partner and you will not be able to maximize your time together.
  • Two lonelier people in the world. When your partner works the night shift, you will most likely feel lonely often. You may feel like no one is around to be with you especially in times when you need somebody to be there. This is even harder when you have kids because you will feel like you have the sole responsibility to take care of them. This may cause stress and people who are both stressed out easily find reasons to fight over with their partners.

Working night shifts entails a lot of changes in your life especially if you are in a relationship. Understanding, care, and unconditional love – these are the things that will help you handle the effects of working night shift on relationships effectively.

Dating someone who is separated

There are so many things that does not matter for some people when it comes to love like age, gender, physical appearance, and unfortunately, even marital status. They say they cannot choose the person they fall in love with, it just happens even if the person is still married. However, a lot of people believe that in love, you will always have a choice and you can always do something about it. Just like in dating someone who is separated, no one can force you not to love them but you have an option not to do so. The final decision is still yours and if you choose to love him or her it is just right to check a certain guidelines to have an assurance, which is very important in every relationship may your partner is single or separated.

Here are some of the things that you need to check before you date a separated man or woman:

  • Ask the actual status – This is very important in dating someone who is separated, know the real status of their marriage first. Ask if he or she is legally separated or just living separately. If they are not divorced yet, then you might want to check the legal cases that come in dating someone who is still committed to know your risks. This might actually affect your entire decision making process but if he or she is legally separated, then that is a different story.

  • Understand the process – Dating someone who came from separation is completely different from dating someone who is single. Especially, if they already have children from their married life. They have undergone an emotionally painful process that might carry on to your relationship that is why it is very essential that before you date a separated man or woman, you must understand the entire process of separation first. You need to know where they are coming from, or why it is difficult for them to trust and love again. Once you fully understand, that is the time you will learn how to make them feel happy and loved for the second time around.

  • Priority – If your partner is not yet legally separated or still in the process of divorce, then it is important not to expect too much yet because he or she have a different priority until the divorce is completed. Especially, if they have children. There are still plenty of things that they need to settle for their kids and you need to respect that. Understand that you do not have the right to be jealous if his or her partner spends time together during the process. After all they are still married. This is one of the risks in dating someone who is separated.

Love is complicated and dating someone who is separated makes it even more complicated. However, if it makes you happy and you know to yourself that this person is the one that you want to spend your entire life with and he or she is willing to do everything just to be with you, then these risks are absolutely worth taking.

How to tell if a girl is using you

Are you unsure about your woman’s feelings for you?

Is that woman really into you in the first place?

Do you have a tiny hunch that your gal is only using you?

Find out from these tips on HOW TO TELL IF A GIRL IS USING YOU:

She does not introduce you to friends and family. When she does, she refers to you as a friend.

If she does not bring up anything about her friends and family, then clearly, she does not want you near them. This plainly means that you’re not that important to her to even bother to introduce you to them. She might not want to let them know about you because she considers you as his temporary guy. When there are inevitable instances when the two of you cross paths with her relative or friend, she sadly introduces you as her guy friend. If this has been going on for a while, then chances are she’s just using you for some reason. Maybe she just wants love and affection, or a man’s attention. Why would she hide you from people she personally knows if she is really into you? This is something that you should not allow to keep going. Either confront her or leave her.

She openly demands pricey things and acts out when she does not get what she wants.

Most women would just drop hints to you about the things they want to receive as gifts. Usually, these hints are just subtle techniques to get you a clue about what they really like. However, when a woman is very vocal and upfront about her demands, especially when everything she fancies have hefty price tags, that’s a problem. Now, your woman could just be used to a lavish lifestyle. But if she pushes you away or gets upset every single time you do not give her the things she desires, then that raises a red flag about her intentions about your relationship. She could only be after your money. If you continuously give in to her material wishes, she’s going to rob you empty!

She always makes it about her and never about you.

Is it starting to hit you that all you two ever did is what she wanted? Attend an event that she likes, dine in a restaurant she suggested, visit a new boutique she’s long been waiting to open. When it’s time for you to suggest what to do or where to go, a sudden excuse comes up telling you she can’t go. This can mean that she’s using you to pay for her ridiculously impractical expenses!

Have you also noticed that she almost always talks about only herself and rants to you about all her problems? She does all the talking and bothers you with all her troubles and worries. You’re all ears and allow her to let it all out. When it’s your time to talk and let something out she acts all uninterested. This woman is just using you and your time. She just wants someone to pay attention to her while she whines about her petty life. This woman uses you to her advantage.

She wants a lot of space

If a woman asks for some time alone, it’s all right. Give her the space she needs. When she asks for it and totally ignores you for a long time, then that’s fair a warning for you to watch out for this girl. Especially if this happen all the time. One minute she’s all needy and wants you near then one minute she completely shuts you out. Something’s clearly up with her. Never let this thing slide and better check things with her about what’s going on. You wouldn’t want to waste your time wondering when she will be asking for you to be with her again, right? Besides, during those days that she shuts you out, she could very well be entertaining another guy.

She does not make it clear what your relationship status is

Many women like leading on men. She shows all the signs that she likes you. She even allows you to be intimate with her. However, that is the only clue that you have about her relationship with you – THE SIGNS AND THE INTIMACY. She does not make it known to you whether you are in the dating status or not. She leaves you guessing. Whenever you ask her what your relationship status is, she diverts the topic. She distracts you with her body to get you temporarily satisfied in order to avoid the question. Better have a firm answer from her where your relationship is going. For all you know, she’s just toying with you and using you just to satisfy her craving for love and affection. After she’s done manipulating you, you’re out of her life.

Long distance relationship: Valentines Day

Valentine’s day is something every couple gets a little excited about. It’s the time to give your partner something nice, or plan an amazing trip to some place romantic, or just simply spend time together. But what if you can’t do any of that because hundreds of miles separate the two of you?

Being in a long-distance relationship really is unfortunate. According to a long-distance relationship statistics website, 40% of these relationships end up breaking up. But why include your relationship to the percentage of failed long-distance relationships? Just keep firing up that love machine that is your heart and you’re sure to survive being apart.

If you’re the type of person who is willing to be a bit extra for your special someone, then here are some tips to ease your partner’s pain of not spending this sweet little holiday with you.

1. Plan a Breakfast Special

Have their favorite meal from their go-to fast food chain delivered right at their doorstep. After all, there’s nothing like waking up to your favorite comfort food. Knowing that you made a dear effort of giving them a breakfast surprise will surely get them smiling through the day.

For an additional love seasoning, ask for the fastfood crew to write your nickname for your beau on the paperbag. It’s cheesy all right, but you can’t deny that it’s terribly cute!

2. Start the Day Right

If #1 isn’t applicable, then better start their day with just a simple phone call. Hearing your voice might be the way to jump start their day. An even better option is to FaceTime them, so they can see that sweet smile of yours. It’s like waking up next to you!

If it really is impossible call them, leave a video message with a Happy Valentine’s greeting will just be as thoughtful. You can even spice up the video by singing their favorite song, or dancing if that’s what you prefer.

3. Have Little Gift Surprises Prepared

Isn’t it romantic if your partner gets tiny gifts at random points of the day? It may be a bundle of heart-shaped balloons tied to their mailbox that they will see once they step out of their front door. It may be a box of chocolates waiting on their desk once they get to their workplace. It might even be a giant teddy bear waiting at their bedroom once they get home. It doesn’t really matter what size the gift is, or in what manner the surprise is going to be. All that matters is that you make up for not being by their side on a supposed love-filled day.

4. Send Something You Hand-Crafted Yourself

It’s time to get artsy and channel your inner Picasso/Michelangelo. Think of something that your partner really likes and turn it into an artwork. For example, you can paint your own version of their favorite painting. Another example is to personalize a shirt by painting the movie poster of their favorite film into it. If you have a pet name for your partner, let’s say “Bunny”, then make a sculpture of a bunny rabbit! The possibilities are endless if you just think it through! If you aren’t that crafty, then just use your resources. The internet has tutorials for EVERYTHING now.

5. Dinner Date via Skype Followed by a Movie Date

Just because you are miles apart doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a meal together. All you need is to set up your table at home, then place your videochatting device on the other end of the table. Dress up if you want to make it even more realistic! Have your food prepared on your table and make it look as if you’re having an actual dinner date! After dinner, you both play a movie at the same time while talking to each other on the phone to make it seem like you’re watching side-by-side. Now isn’t that a fun, romantic night?

6. Send a Heart-Filled Letter

Nothing beats a love letter. Overrated you say? WELL, I THINK NOT. Love letters contain the purest of words that somebody can say to their lover. It is where you can put your heart and soul into writing. This expression of love can be preserved for a very long time. Even if you read the letter again after a few years, you will still feel the strong emotions flowing from the words of the writer. Remember to write your heart out for letters are timeless.

7. Reschedule Valentine’s Day

Who says you can’t schedule Valentine’s Day on some other date. There are no rules in love! Have something special planned like an out-of-town trip when you finally get to see your partner again. Now that you’re finally reunited, go ahead and celebrate!

Not spending enough time together in relationship

It’s natural to want to spend a lot of time with someone you are in a relationship with. Even with this strong natural craving to want to spend time with one’s partner, research has quite a number of relationships suffer from both parties not spending enough time together.

There are only 24 hours in a day with a lot to fit into that time. In between work, hobbies, family, business and personal development activities, it is understandable that persons find little time to spend with their relationship partners.

Research has also shown that the damage caused by not spending enough time with one’s partner starts slowly and could eventually lead to breakups. In the pursuit of career, personal development and other endeavours, persons tend to lose the bond they initially had with their relationship partner. It is thus not uncommon for relationship partners and even spouses who live under the same roof to not spend enough time as a couple.

We will be noting some of the reasons why some relationships lack the spice that comes with spending a lot of time together as a couple.

Lack of an established schedule

Persons in relationships and even married couples tend to assume that spending alone time with each other doesn’t need planning. This is one thought pattern that has lead to relationships that spend very little time together.

Just like one would plan career moves and other important activities, they need to plan spending time with their romantic relationship partner. There are always activities to eat up one’s time and stop them from spending time with the person they love.

The creation of a schedule to hang out with one’s boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance and spouse may seem very unspontaneous and boring but has been proven to be effective. Activities from date nights to seeing a movie at home can be planned to ensure that there is enough time for bonding. A bit of spontaneity will also be a nice blend.

Communication gaps

A lot of persons in relationships today will love to spend more time with their relationship partners but they rarely bring up the topic. They only make do with the whatever proportion of time is left after other activities.

It is important to be able to talk about the fact that you will love to spend more time with your relationship partner. They may have been waiting to hear you say that. Even if they were oblivious of the fact that the relationship could use more time together, the conversation may just be stirred in the right direction.

Lack of expectations

Things such as spending time with that special person do not just happen. They happen as a result of expectations that are established based on the structure of the relationship. This is not a call to bother one’s partner and unnecessarily nag them about spending time together, it is a call to looking forward to those private moments. When they get too busy, a simple “can’t wait for you to get home” text could make that private moment more special.

The importance of spending time with one’s partner for the success of a relationship cannot be overemphasized. Begin to strive towards spending more time with your partner, and you will find out that there’s time after all.

When a Woman is Silent

Everyone claims they don’t like to be around people who talk too much. Try being around someone who doesn’t talk at all. While being silent is not always a bad thing, if a woman suddenly goes unusually quiet, you may want to start asking a few questions. So if you’ve noticed that the sound of a woman’s has become a rarity, it may be due to some of these reasons.

  • She’s done something she’s not proud of. At one point in time, we have gone down a path or done something that in retrospect we’re not exactly proud of. Talking about such things may not exactly be easy. If you’re used to talking about everything with her then this silence might even be more obvious. If you suspect that this is the case, you can encourage her that there’s no judgement with you and that she can confide in you. Be careful however not to push too hard because that may cause her to with draw even further.
  • She’s confused: Sometimes a woman is silent when she’s trying to sort through her feelings or the chaotic events in her life. It’s either she’s trying to solve her problems on her own or she’s trying to figure out a way to tell you about it. Either way, give her enough room without making her feel like she’s doing something wrong by keeping you out of the loop.
  • She doesn’t think explaining herself is worth the effort: If you have recently gotten into an argument with her (especially about matters that keep recurring in your arguments), she may decide that taking it further is just not worth her time. She may be feeling like you’re adamant and set in your ways and therefore explaining her stance to you is an absolute waste of her time.
  • She’s happy: Happiness shows up in different forms. Not everyone runs around excited when they have something to be happy about. Some people just like to enjoy the moment and bask in the euphoria of it all. So next time you see a woman unusually quiet, try not to jump into the conclusion that something is wrong with her.
  • She’s trying to get your attention. If a woman starts to feel like she has run out of options, then she may start considering drastic solutions. Maybe she has been trying to get you to notice her or talk to her by starting conversations and always being around. If that proves ineffective, then she resorts to the big guns: silent treatment. By simply noticing her silence, her job is done.
  • She’s hungry: While this may sound funny and over the top, sometimes people are quiet just because they haven’t eaten. The truth is the feeling of hunger is not pleasant for anyone so she might just want to save whatever energy she has left and not interact at all,
  • She’s depressed. Your woman may be going through depression and can therefore not feel like involving you in her everyday life. If you know that this is the case, then you have to do your best to get her help. Make her feel as loved as possible, never try to shame her for “letting her feelings get the best of her”, encourage her to take her meds and see her doctor. In fact, just be there for her.

What Does “Taking It Slow” Mean To a Guy?

You may think everything is perfect and going according to plan until one day your man hits you with, “I think things are moving a little too fast right now. I think we should slow it down”. In this moment, your head is spinning and you’re wondering what it all means. This has been the reality of so many people and unfortunately most of them failed to handle the situation properly because they didn’t even understand what was going on. So when a guy tells you he want to slow it down, what exactly is he trying to tell you?

  • He’s trying to get you know you better. It’s very easy to meet and feel like we have an instant connection with them. While this sounds very dreamy, in the long run, real feelings are what hold a relationship down. He might just be taking his time to get to know you well so he doesn’t miss anything and he is fully aware of what he’s getting himself. So even though it might not be what you want you hear in that moment, if this is the case, you relationship will be the better for it.
  • He’s confused. Even though this may seem unlikely for most guys, as they appear to always have their feelings in check, sometimes they really have no clue what they’re doing. Relationships are hard work and commitment is a really big deal. Anyone who takes them seriously would need to be very clear about their feelings before deciding to be in one. You may be kind and an absolute delight to have around, but is he completely sure that he wants to be with you? If he is torn and asking all these internal questions, then he is very likely to ask that you slow things down.
  • You’re becoming too much too soon. It’s not uncommon to find a guy that you like and immediately want to do and be everything for him. It is a sweet gesture, but not everyone appreciates it nonetheless. Some people need to be able to recognize themselves in relationships and being with someone who is always there gets in the way of that. In that case, he just needs you take a step back and allow him recover his personal space.
  • He’s not ready yet. This may sound confusing but it’s very true. He may totally into you but is simply unable to commit in that moment. Maybe he has personal projects that need his immediate attention, or he’s in a bad place and needs to take care of himself first. It might seem like a hard pill to swallow at first, but it definitely beats being in a relationship with someone who just isn’t going to give it his best.
  • He’s simply not interested. This is a truth that no one wants to admit to themselves, but sometimes when a guy wants to take things slow, he’s just not interested in being with you. The sooner you figure this out and come to terms with it, the better and happier you feel.

Now I know it’s not exactly easy to figure out which of these reasons your man is telling you to slow things down, you’ll never know until you face it head on. Ask him questions and demand honest answers. Understanding the reason for his decision, is definitely a step in the right direction for your relationship and general wellbeing.

 

Stages of Falling in Love for a woman

People say that women fall in love faster than men and they actually believe in love at first sight. It might be true but it does not make it any easier and love for women does not happen in just a blink of an eye. Just like with men, they have stages too but the stages are less complicated. These stages are very confusing even for some women because they feel a lot of new and different emotions when they start to fall in love, majority of women take it very seriously because even in the early phase of a relationship they want to think that it is their last so they make sure that the one they choose is the one that they want to spend their life with.

Here are the stages on how women fall in love:

  1. Attraction – It always starts with the looks. Just like men, women fall for the physical appearance first too. Like when someone added them on any social media sites, they will check the picture first then they decide if they will entertain him or not. This stage might be judgmental but it is how the way things are.

  2. Friendship – Lot of women believe that a strong and good relationship starts with friendship that is why this stage is essential for them. If they do not know each other yet then this is the best time when they start to make a good foundation and that is, through friendship.

  3. Compatibility – Once they established a good friendship, women starts the process of determining if they are compatible or not, may it be over food, hobbies, sports, or any other things. This is essential for a woman because they believe that bonding moment is very important for a relationship to last.

  4. Dating stage – If you get to this stage that means that you were given a chance to introduce yourself more. This is when woman starts to feel the love so make sure to impress her during this stage, which is not that difficult. Just make her happy all throughout your date and everything should fall in place.

  5. Together – This is the stage where the woman wants to spend more time with him and do almost everything together. This is a woman’s way to make sure that she will not get bored when she is with you and would not ran out of things to do. This means that she is really starting to fall in love but still want to make sure that the relationship stays interesting and always exciting.

  6. I love you – Once she established a good friendship, get to know you better, and ensure that both of you are compatible. She is now ready to tell you that she loves you and pledge her unconditional love to start a new relationship.

Those are the stages of how women fall in love. It might be different for some but still has the same goal, to find the love of her life.

My Boyfriend Says he Needs Space but Keeps Texting me

He broke your heart when he told you that he needs space. You think if it is ever possible to want to be away from the person that you love. You think about everything that you sacrificed just to be with him especially in times when he needs you most. You cry yourself to sleep only to receive text messages from him the day after he asked for space as if nothing happened. You are not really sure how to feel about it. When your boyfriend says he needs space but keeps texting you, is that something good or not?

  • Dazed and Confused. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is perhaps the most popular cliché used in break-ups. Another one is “I just need to find myself,” which is perhaps the most overused explanation of those who are asking for some space and some time apart. However, these words may really mean that there is nothing wrong with you as a girlfriend and that he’s just not sure whether or not he wants to be in a relationship or not. He may also be confused whether he is still in love with you or not anymore.
  • Wish Granted. Give him what he asks for. When you love someone, respect is also important. Therefore, if he wants some space, then respect his wish and grant it. While you want to do just the opposite, it would not be right to make him stay just because you want him to and it is not right for him to stay just to avoid hurting your feelings. If he does, he will only hurt you more because you will feel that he wants to be anywhere else but not with you. It will do both of you good as your time away will help determine whether you still want to be with each other or not.
  • About You. Sometimes, when your boyfriend asks for space, you are so focused with what he might be thinking or how he might be feeling that you forget to focus on your own thoughts and emotions. Whenever he texts you, use it as an opportunity to assess how you feel for him. Does his text make you feel happy and excited? Does it confuse you even more? Does it make you sad? Or have you noticed that you do not really care anymore?
  • Reservation. There are also times when men take you for granted knowing that they can keep you as a reserve whenever they are bored without having to stick to any commitment. That is why they take that commitment off the equation and play the field while keeping you waiting for him. You need to be very careful about such situations because it will cause you a lot of pain. It is best to set a timeline of until when you are going to wait for him to come back or if you are even willing to wait.

These are the things that you need to remember when your boyfriend says he needs space but keeps texting you.

My boyfriend doesn’t trust me

The importance of trust in any relationship cannot be overemphasized. Relationships where both parties trust each other healthily grow and develop into long-lasting bonds. However, trust doesn’t come readily for some people, and one may be in a relationship where their boyfriend doesn’t trust them.

When your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, the relationship will most probably become strained. In situations when one’s boyfriend does not trust them, they are usually plagued with thoughts on how to earn their boyfriend’s trust and rekindle the spark in the relationship.

We bring you some pointers on how to earn your boyfriend’s trust also pointing out some things that may have made you lose his trust gradually.

Why you probably lost your boyfriend’s trust

You don’t tell them the truth all the time

In your defense, you may have thought that they do not need to know everything you’re involved in, and that’s why tell you tell a white lie every now and then. Those white lies have resulted in you eventually losing their trust.

You don’t involve them enough

This also stems from telling those white lies and keeping some part of your life away from them. When your boyfriend finds out that there’s a part of your life he knows very little about, you will begin to lose his trust.

Generally, losing the trust of one’s boyfriends is caused by several factors which begin with not being completely honest with them. So, the starting point is being honest with them. The way you should go with regaining your boyfriend’s trust is highlighted below.

Identify the problem

It is essential to find out what made your boyfriend stop trusting you as this differs amongst relationships. You could begin to trace events back to when you noticed he started asking more questions on your whereabouts or being more snoopy. If you can’t identify the problem, you could reach out to them and ask them why things have changed. When they see that you are genuinely trying to make up on things, they will open up to you.

Work on the problem

A general method for handling trust issues with one’s partner is to become more honest. Tell them about things even when they do not ask, and make them feel more involved in every aspect of your life genuinely.

You should also put in more effort into spending quality time with them. The goal shouldn’t be a short-term adjustment but adjustments that will be sustainable since the goal is to regain the spark in the relationship and not make them trust you for a short period and go back to not trusting you.

Start with simple things and take your time

You shouldn’t expect everything to change immediately. Remember that they stopped trusting you for a reason. As long as you are dedicated to regaining their trust, your genuine efforts will pay off. They may resist your efforts initially, and that shouldn’t stop your efforts.

It is also important to note that trust is very fragile. So, you should be completely genuine with your efforts at regaining their trust. Starting with a sincere apology, work towards regaining their trust steadily.

Men with low self-esteem in relationships

Men are known to be strong and dominant that is why most women believe that it is unlikely that they find a man who has low self-esteem. They think that loving a man with such low confidence is impossible because they play a major role in keeping a relationship strong and secured. However, just like women who lacks self-confidence, men with low self-esteem exists too. This might complicate the relationship even more because men like them can be very toxic to be with and they can even be harmful at times. However, if you really love him, you can always do something to turn things around and make your man feel confident and proud to make your relationship work.

Here are some signs that tell you that your man has a low self-esteem:

  1. He thinks less is okay – He lets other people decide for him. He thinks that whatever is okay for his partner is okay for him too even if it is less than what he can do or deserve. He agrees to certain things even if he knows he can do better.

  2. He always wants to feel superior – Even if this means downgrading his partner, he always point out how much more he earns, what he did that she cannot do, and many other things to prove that he is superior. A true confident man does not need to point these things out.

  3. Beats his partner – This is definitely the worst case that a man with low self-esteem can do to his partner just to prove that he is strong and powerful. Again, a truly powerful man does not need to beat his wife just to prove that he is tough. Only men with low self-esteem do this.

Those are just some of the common signs that you need to watch out to know if your man has low self-esteem. However, this does not mean that you need to walk away from him right away. Sometimes, they just need understanding so they appreciate themselves too and gain a higher self-esteem and you can absolutely help not by leaving them but by:

  • Appreciation – Point out his good deeds and not his mistakes. Acknowledge all of it and assure him that all his efforts are well-appreciated.

  • Acceptance – Make him understand that you accept all of him including his flaws. That none of those can change your love for him and he is exceptional in his own way.

  • Do the things he is good at – This is one way of boosting your partner’s self-confidence. Do things that he is good at together. It is like hitting two birds in one stone, you get your man’s self-esteem up while spending quality time together.

  • Be his cheerleader – Support him in whatever he does and be his cheerleader. Assure him that he can achieve whatever he want and be successful in whatever he does and you will always be there to show love and support.

Loving a man with low self-esteem might sound impossible, but with extra understanding and unconditional love, you can absolutely work things out and make your relationship the happiest and strongest.

Married Man likes me at Work!

Love at the workplace is not something rare. You spend hours with each other on a daily basis. There are times when you have to work together closely and that you may have to work overtime with your colleagues. That is why it is no wonder that attractions start and romance brews in the workplace. However, one of the most common problems with such situations is that often, it happens between someone who is married and someone who is not. At times, it even happens to those who are both married. Now, how can you tell if a married man likes you at work?

  • Up stares. You may catch him staring at you often. Whenever you catch him staring, there are only two things that he does – it’s either he holds your gaze and you find yourself on a stare off or he blushes and looks embarrass that you caught him staring at you. It sounds like something that high school students would do but it is a common sign that a married man likes you at work as well. Also, whenever he talks to you, you may notice that he maintains eye contact with you more than he does with others.
  • Accidentally in sight. If you feel like you are bumping into each other more often than usual, especially when he has no business hanging around within your sight, then it is possible that he is looking for or creating reasons to get close to you. Men can be quite creative when it comes to such tasks. You may also notice that he seems to be the one who initiates conversation with you whenever you’re around.
  • This Appearance. Compliments are great especially when they are sincere. However, these compliments can also be a sign that a married man at work likes you. When it is purely work-related, you may get compliments about being hard-working, about being diligent, or for a recent accomplishment. However, when a married co-worker compliments you on how you look or just about anything about your appearance, it is a tell-tale sign that he is into you.
  • Alone unnaturally. You may notice that he always finds excuses to be alone with you or to work alone with you. In times when he gets the chance to be alone with you, it’s either he does everything to impress you or he just can’t stop fidgeting because of nervousness.
  • Blurred boundaries. While small talk is OK for acquaintances, a married man who likes you may have special interest on your personal life as well. He may ask questions that you may be uncomfortable answering. This just shows that he is interested with what you do beyond work. He may have even more interest about your romantic relationships that he may directly or indirectly ask if you are dating somebody or if you are single.

You need to understand that you need to respect relationships and even moreso, you need to respect yourself. If a married man likes you at work, then it is best to keep distance and let him know that you do not settle for sharing when you can have a man all for yourself.

I thought she was the one..

Another relationship just ended and you’re wondering how come she wasn’t the one. You were so sure she was the one, but the turn of events has proven otherwise. Now, you’re wondering how you will be able to tell the one. You may even be wondering if there’s actually someone out there can is meant to be “the one”, at least in your case.

Finding that person that connects with you on a level you can’t achieve with anyone else is amazing, one of the most amazing feelings in the world actually. It is thus important to know how to tell that she’s the one. You definitely do not want to miss out on finding the one. We have put together five ultimate signs of telling that she’s the one.

You can’t get enough of her

You’ve probably been in relationships where, although you love her, sometimes you just want some time away from her. That doesn’t happen with “the one”. You can’t get enough of her and cannot point out a specific reason for that. You talk to her about everything; she’s involved in every part of your life, and you still can’t get enough of her. When you find such a person, chances are that she’s the one. There are very few people you will ever connect with on such a level in the world, and when you happen to date such a person, she’s most likely the one.

You trust her completely

Before her, you probably thought trust needed to be earned and didn’t trust people enough. Now she’s in your life, and you tell her everything. You’re crossing the boundaries you created without even knowing it, and you’re loving the process. That level of bond with anyone is rare, especially as it is becoming increasingly difficult to trust people. If you’re crossing those trust boundaries without even realizing it with her, then she’s the one.

You can’t wait to introduce her to your family

Introducing anyone, even platonic friends, to family can be quite nerve racking. Family is such an important part of one’s life that it is hard to introduce just anyone to family. If you’re at a point where introducing her to family doesn’t seem that much of an issue, then you are most likely into her in a way that is deep. So, if you’ve introduced her to your family, especially if your family means the world to you, or are planning to do so soon, she’s probably the one.

You are planning a future with her

While you’re loving every moment of the present, you’re planning, whether mentally or otherwise, the future with her. You love her now, and you can see yourself loving her for much more time. If you’re in such in a situation, she’s most likely the one.

You’re completely comfortable around her

Everyone has a bit of quirkiness that they keep locked in the deepest chambers. Thus, they do not open up completely to a lot of people, even when they are dating. When you’re in a relationship where you’re completely yourself, then she’s most likely the one, and you wouldn’t want to lose such a relationship.

It’s important to seek out a relationship with someone you can’t get enough of, the one. When a lot or all of the signs highlighted above check out, she’s most likely the one.

I thought he was the one..

It’s quite rare to meet someone who you connect with on the soulmate level. They become a major part of who you are, you make plans around their schedules and basically share experiences with them. You get so comfortable and in love with them that you totally forget the idea that what you have could end. Then it ends, and you’re completely clueless. “I thought he was the one” you begin to think and say to yourself. You’re blindsided and do not even know how to summon the strength to pick yourself up.

When you breakup with the one who you thought was your soulmate, it is one of the worst feelings there is, and it is important to know the next steps to take as hard as that will be for you. We are sending pointers your way to help guide you through this period. As much as no one wants to lose their “soulmate”, these things happen, and it is important to be able to find find yourself and love again.

Fight those negative thoughts

It’s a given. Those thoughts will come, no matter how hard you try to fight them. The thoughts will be filled of all sorts of negativity. The thoughts will remind you of how a portion of your life has been invested into a completely fruitless journey. If it was a nasty breakup, you will begin to wonder why you weren’t good enough.

When these thoughts come, find a way to counter them with as much positivity as you can gather. Focus on all the adventures you had with the person and how much of a better person you became in that period. You should also focus on the fact that you loved them sincerely.

Tell trusted friends and family about it

There’s the temptation to want to wallow in the sadness alone and drown yourself in those negative thoughts. Overcoming this temptation is an important part of dealing with the breakup with the one you thought was the one.

Your friends and family will try to cheer you up and keep those thoughts away. If you can’t be living on your own during this period, you can move in with friends and family for the immediate period after the breakup.

Channel the energy into self-develooment

During the time immediately after the breakup, you will most probably be going through a lot of emotions and will be tempted to invest your energy wrongly. One way to get yourself from dwelling on the rollercoaster of emotions is to invest your energy and emotion on self-development in the different aspects of your life. Been procrastinating starting that course at work? This is a great time to go on with the course. The extra activity will keep your mind occupied.

Consciously remove reminders of him

Seeing that you thought he was the one, there is the probability that reminders of him will be everywhere. It is important to consciously remove those reminders from your life. If he still had personal items over at your house, you can throw them out or send them to him. Wherever you feel will make you forget about him fast enough, do that as quickly as possible to hasten your healing process.

This is definitely going to be a very tough period for you, and you have to be overly strategic with your actions.

Is He Shy or Not Interested?

Some men are naturally shy. However, some of them try their best to overcome their shyness when they meet a woman that they really like. There are also some guys who are not able to overcome their shyness at all. This is why it is quite hard to tell whether a guy is just shy or if he’s really just not into you. They say that women are complicated but most likely, those who believe that have never met a shy guy.

Here are some things that will help you recognize a shy guy and a one who is just not interested.

  • Get to know him. This is perhaps not the easiest way to know whether he is not interested or just shy but it will lead you to a more accurate conclusion. If he has an established reputation among his friends and family as a naturally shy person, then it will be easy to tell if he is interested with you or not.
  • Body Language. You need to observe him closely whenever he is talking to you. A shy guy would be fidgeting or he may not be able to look you in the eye but a guy who is just not interested will generally look disinterested or will try to deflect your attempts at conversation.
  • Awkward Appeal. If the guy exerts effort to talk to you, it usually means something. This is even moreso when the guy is actually shy. Often, his attempts to a conversation will come out awkward. So, when a shy guy says something weird, it just means that he is exerting effort to talk to you.
  • The First Move. If a guy is simply shy, then he may just not find the courage to initiate an interaction with you. In such cases, you can try to make a subtle first move, just enough to make him feel that he can easily approach you and if he is interested, he will most likely bite the bait. He may not start conversations but he may look happy and enthusiastic once you make the first move. However, if you already made the first move and he did not pay much attention, then it is most likely that he is not interested at all.
  • Text in line. Some shy people are not too shy when it comes to writing letters and in this day and age, text messaging. A shy guy may not talk to you a lot in person but he may text you more often than other people.
  • Telling friends. High school never stops. Friends just cannot help themselves but make the first move for their friend especially if that friend is a shy one. If he likes you, you may have heard it once or twice from his friends.

If a guy is just shy, then you need to prepare yourself because it is more likely that you will be making the first move often. However, if he’s not into you, then maybe it’s time to move on.

How to text an ex-girlfriend after no contact

Texting an ex-girlfriend is uncharted waters for most people; they maintain radio silence even when they feel the urge to get in touch with her, especially if it was a bad breakup. If you’ve decided to get in touch with your girlfriend after following the no contact rule for as long as you could, it is important to get it right. The goal is to get them to at least consider having back in their lives, even if as a platonic friend.

We have put together some winning ways of getting in touch with your girlfriend, crafting that text that she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from getting in touch with you.

Remind her of a memorable moment you shared

The goal here is to make her remember how fond you were of each other. Therefore, it is important to pick a moment that wasn’t overly intimate. Let’s say you went to the movies one time and had some guy who couldn’t stop making annoying comments throughout the movie sitting behind you and she told him to shut up in a way he couldn’t believe. You could draft a text around that moment. Something like, “about to see a movie now and hoping I don’t have any form of crazy sitting behind me because I’m not sure I can handle them”.

This text will remind her of the fun moment the both of you had as friends and most likely get her to start talking to you.

Tell them how much you miss them

You do not want to send an overly long text message telling them about how you feel. You want to keep it simple yet conveying the fact that you miss them. You could go “I was about to get ice cream, and I’m thinking of how you always added so many toppings. I miss you”. You could also go all “I have been holding myself from getting in touch, but I can’t do that anymore. Hope you’re doing well. I miss you”.

With this type of text message, you’re able to tell her that you miss her in a simple yet honest way. You will need to lose a bit of your pride to pull this through. This is important to be able to convey the fact that you have been thinking of them in the text in a way that gets them to reply you and keep in touch.

You could also simply ask for one more chance to be their friend. You could draft a text thus, “I was wondering if enough water has gone under the bridge for us to be friends”.

Tell a joke

Seeing that you guys were in a relationship that was so good that you miss them, you should be able to tell what will make them laugh easily. Whatever it is, find a way to work it into your text message. It is important to ensure that the joke is appropriate so that you’re not in a worse situation than you initially were.

While getting in touch with your ex-girlfriend, it is important to keep the expectations realistic and be ready to accept the fact that they might not get back to you at all. Just give it your best shot!

How to text a girl for the first time

The act of texting a girl for the first time is one which no guy is perfect at. Even those that assume that they’ve got the act of texting a girl for the first time figured out still manage to slip up every now and then. There’s no universal rule on texting a girl for the first time, but there are pointers that can be very helpful in initiating a lively conversation with a lady after texting her for the first time.

We have put some pointers that will apply to a majority of women. You want to be the one whose text is the beginning of a beautiful friendship or relationship not the one whose text gets deleted, remember.

Be sure of why you’re texting her

Texting a girl for the first time can seem like rocket science if the basics are not figured out. The reason for texting her is one of those basics. She’s most definitely going to ask why you’re texting her, and it is better to have a believable and not akward reason prepared.

Keep things simple

The first time you text a girl is not when you’re meant to go all detective on her and begin to ask weird questions. It is the first time you’re texting her, and she will definitely have some reservations. Thus, you should strive to keep it simple and good enough to be the beginning of several conversations.

Be prepared to lead the conversation, especially at the very beginning

A polite salutation that includes “hi” and “how was your day” is as much effort a lot of guys put into the first text they send to a girl, and they expect some special magical force to take charge of the conversation and get them to be friends with the girl. Seeing that there’s no such magical force, conversations that are begun that way die before they even begin.

You should be able to develop content for the conversation you’re hoping to initiate with the first text message before it starts. Add some personality, and ask light personal questions if you already have some personal details about her.

Make her laugh

If there’s a way to find out what she will laugh at before initiating the conversation, you should do that and deploy whatever information you gather. It has been overly proven that girls love guys that can make them laugh, and being that guy will guarantee winning with the first text. If she’s a colleague or someone you have been in their presence in the past, you could talk about a funny scenario which you both witnessed.

Be open to telling her about yourself

Don’t be that guy that asks all the questions and gets short replies from her without inspiring her to want to know more about you. Ensure that you get the conversation to the point where she wants to know about you. Remember not to bombard her with every tiny detail of your life when she begins to ask the questions.

The trick with texting a girl for the first time is to keep to simple and sleek enough for her to want more.

How to Slow Down a Relationship

Being in a relationship could be the best or worst thing depending on who, when, and how you decide to work thing out. Sometimes, you may think you know exactly what you’re doing until you realize some months down the line that there are a lot of things that you’ve missed. Now your partner is talking about moving in together or even walking down the aisle and you’re thinking to yourself, “Is this really what I want right now? What if we moved too fast with all of this?” If this is where you’re at and you really feel like you need to slow down your relationship, then you need to ask yourself a few questions. Once you do this, you’ll find that the answers to these questions will decide the next step that you take in the relationship.

First, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, “Do I really understand what I’m doing in this relationship?” It is very easy to fall into patterns and get consumed by the infatuation that you’ve probably mistaken for love. You need to take the relationship apart and identify the problem areas. Do you think you spend too much time with your partner? Have your feelings gone further than they should have at this point? Do your goals align with those of your partner? Are you already sacrificing your goals for this relationship? Are you more excited about the idea of the relationship than the relationship itself? All these questions will help you properly assess where your relationship is at in the moment.

Now that you think you may know what the problem is, you need to speak to your partner about it. It would be impossible to slow things down, if you’re the only who thinks/knows that it’s moving too fast. Let them know how you’re feeling and try to resolve it with them. Remind them that you’re still interested in the relationship but you just want to cut back on a couple of things. Through all of this, understand that they may not feel the same way you do so it’s your duty to make them understand. Once you can achieve this, it would be much easier to define the pace and direction you both want the relationship to go.

Also, do not force anything. If your partner insists that there isn’t a problem, maybe it’s time to move on from. It is never okay to force people to do something they are not comfortable and it would never be okay for you to lose yourself in pursuit of a relationship. Sometimes it’s okay to accept that the relationship has run its course, and you can totally let go.

Finally, once you and your partner have agreed to take things slow, stick to the plan. Nothing will change until you do, so be intentional about addressing those problem areas you initially identified. Work on those things that set you off in the relationship and pull back on those that make you feel like you’re hurrying. If you need to put a hold on some of your long term plans, then by all means do. However, remember that taking it slow doesn’t mean avoiding your partner; it simply means trying to build a life together while acknowledging your individualities.

How to Make the First Move on a Shy Guy

With the way society is set up, guys are generally known to make the first move. However, some guys are so shy that they would never intentionally reveal their feelings first. If a guy like this has caught your attention and you’re tired of dropping hints that he’s not picking up on, then you might have to be more drastic about it. You need to pick things up yourself and get the ball rolling yourself and doing this is definitely not easy. If you’re not exactly sure of how to make the first move on a shy guy, the following tips might help you out.

  • Smile. This may seem very simple but trust me, it works. Not only does a smile make you look good instantly, it also makes you appear more approachable. Shy people are generally more self-conscious around other people. By simply smiling, you make him feel at ease whenever he is around you.
  • Initiate conversations with him. A shy guy would most likely never initiate conversation with you. It’s up to you to see that it happens. You could do a little digging beforehand and find out what he likes or something you both are interested in and bring it up in conversation. Or you could simply bring up something as obvious like the weather and see how it goes from there.
  • Give him compliments. Shy or outgoing, everyone loves to be complimented. You can talk about how good you think he looks or how lovable his personality is (especially if you’ve known him for a while). Hearing this stuff would definitely bring a smile to his face. With compliments however, make sure they’re genuine. No one want a relationship built on lies and faux compliments.
  • Ask him questions about you. You might be wondering what he thinks about you and his shyness would probably not allow him say those things to you. You might as well out rightly ask him what he thinks. You could ask him what he thinks about your new haircut, what your voice sounds like on phone. Or you could go all out and ask him direct questions like, “do you think I’ll make a good girlfriend?”, “do you like girls with long hair?” By doing all of this, you’re letting him know that you’re beginning to him in a romantic light and you want the relationship to follow suit.
  • Take it easy on him. While we agree that being with a shy guy is hard and you may be the one to move things alone, be careful not to go too hard on him. Being too forward or too direct might come off as aggressive and off-putting. Try not to talk about love and long term commitments too soon so you don’t care him away.
  • Be obvious about your intentions. Sometimes you may pull out all the tricks in the books and he’ll still miss it. At this point, the only card you can play is being very obvious about your intentions. You could initiate physical contact, act for his help with things he knows you can do on your own, or you could even ask him out for dinner.

Remember that as you plan to make your move on that shy guy that you’ve had your eyes on, you should have a backup plan. In case, you misread the situation and things go south, at least you have an exit plan.

How to make a man respect you

Are you wondering why men do not respect you? Do you want to be respected by the man you love or even by a stranger you just met? It sounds easy but it seems you are having a hard time achieving it, no matter what you wear, no matter where you are, and no matter who you are with. Respect is also one of the most important factors to have a strong and long lasting relationship. Both parties should respect each other to make things work. However, there are times when your man becomes too complacent around you that he forgets his limitations and loses his respect. It might be because of something that you did in the past or he just simply feels relaxed when you are together, too relaxed that sometimes it already hurts and he do not even noticed. These are the struggles of some women in gaining a man’s trust but that does not mean that women should settle for any of it.

Women deserve to be respected and here are the ways to make a man respect you:

  • Respect yourself first – In order to gain respect, you should know how to respect yourself first. It shows if you have good posture, the way you carry yourself in front of people, the way you sit, the way you dress, and the way you take care of yourself. You do not even have talk to be respected. By simply doing these non-verbal things accurately, you are sure to gain a man’s respect easily.

  • Respect others – If you want to be respected, make sure that you respect others too. Why would they give you respect if you do not even bother to respect them right? It might be a little tricky, especially when it comes to beliefs or opinion but you should learn how to listen and respect their beliefs so they also respect yours.

  • Communicate effectively – Do not be afraid of expressing yourself in any matter. Listen and do not disagree with the opinion of the man you are talking to but make sure to point out your opinion too. This is one smart way of letting your man know that your principles should be respected for him to receive the same.

  • Be honest – Make sure to be honest with your man no matter what. Even if you think that he would not like what you are going to say or if it goes against his principle, make sure to say the truth all the time. By doing this, you are sure to gain his respect.

  • You tell him how you want to be treated – Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If you do not like the way you are treated, then tell him directly how you want him to treat you. If you do not like something he said or did to you, tell him. It is important that you point these small things out right away to correct it.

Those are just some of the ways to make a man respect you but you can always start in taking good care of yourself because if you do, that means you value and respect yourself and others should too.

How to Know If a Shy Guy Likes You

With outgoing people, it’s always easy to tell when they like because of how open they are about their feelings. Shy people, on the other hand, are wired different. They are usually very conscious of their feelings and would therefore be unwilling to share them. Hanging out with someone like this makes it really hard to tell if there are feelings or you’re just wasting your time. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be done. All you need to do is sharpen your persuasion and observation skills, and start paying attention to the signs. And if at this point, you’re not exactly sure what signs to be looking out for, here are a few hints about where to start.

  • He keeps trying to talk to you. It is a known fact that shy people do not like to speak much. So if in a rare case, you find a shy guy who constantly tries to initiate conversation with you, then that’s a sign he’s trying to get your attention. What this means is that he likes you enough to break out of his comfort zone. If you notice this, you might want to give him a slight nudge by asking him to hang out with or by simply initiating a conversation with him.
  • He steals glances at you. For someone who is shy, he’ll probably have a problem keeping eye contact with you. However, if he really likes you, best believe he’s staring at you when you’re not looking. If you’ve noticed this severally, that might be a sign that he’s into you.
  • He gets defensive about you. This particular one I’ve noticed too many times. Even though he may not be able to tell you out rightly that he likes you, he’ll always be in the background waiting to show up and defend your honor. If you have noticed that anytime you’re in trouble, Mr. Shy Guy shows up to help or defend you, then that’s a pretty good sign that he likes you.
  • He talks to you a lot on social media. A lot of people who are shy find it easier to communicate online than in person. Talking through a medium just seems less in your face than regular conversations. In that case, it would be a lot easier for them to be more expressive and open on social media than they would normally be in person. Pay attention to that guy who keeps replying your tweets and commenting on your Instagram posts, he may just be trying to let you know how he feels about you.
  • He’s nervous and clumsy around you. If you notice that a guy gets immediately nervous when you get in the room, it could be one of two things. Either he’s deathly scared of you or he likes you and he’s too shy to do something about it. I think you can easily tell the difference between fear and affection though.

More often than not, you can tell from a guy’s body language whether he’s into you or not. With shy guys, you may need to strike a balance between giving them a nudge in the right direction and not being too forward so you don’t push them away.

How to tell if a Girl is Single

So you just met a new girl and you both hit it off right away. You’re staying up together and having these conversations and now you’ve started to feel like maybe, just maybe, you want to take it a step further with her. But there’s just one problem: you don’t know if she’s single or not. At this point, you’re wondering how to ask the potentially awkward question – “are you seeing someone right now?” well, if you’re not entirely sure that this is something you can pull off, there are a few other ways to know if your potential new girlfriend is already spoken for.

  • Talk to the people closest to her. If you’ve met her friends or relatives, you could use that to your advantage. Ask a couple of probing questions but make sure to find a balance in how you do it. If you’re too direct, they may let her know that you came snooping and that might not end in your favor. On the other hand, if you’re being too sneaky and they pick up on it, you may come off as deceptive or manipulative. Believe or not, that opinion would definitely get to your girl.
  • Pay attention to the signs. If you look closely enough, chances are you’ll pick up on a few things that will answer your question. First, have you looked at her fingers? Is there a ring? No? Then you’re off to a good start. Next you may want to start paying attention to the less obvious stuff: how often does she check her phone for messages, is she always alone with her friends? Has she mentioned anything that might suggest that there’s a significant other? Where does she hang out often? If you’re able to observe and isolate these patterns, then you just might have the answer to your questions.
  • Check her social media. Thanks to various social media platforms, you can find almost anything about anyone in a matter of minutes. If you’ve been talking to her like you say you have, then I’m pretty sure you already have some information about her. With that, you could stylishly could through her accounts and see if that provides you with any clues. With social media however, you have to know when to rein it in because there’s a very thin line between “getting information” and cyberstalking (that’s a crime).
  • Bring up your own status in conversation. People are very likely to respond to conversations that they can relate to. If you can find a way to slip the fact that you’re single into the conversation, you may likely get a response that will provide you with all the information that you need.
  • Simply ask her. If you’ve done all of the above and you still haven’t made any headway, or you simply do not have the time for mind games, then get straight to it and ask her the dreaded question. Except she’s a cheater, or she has ulterior motives, she’ll most likely answer your question and save you so much time and stress.

While it can be disappointing to find out that the person you thought you had that magical connection with doesn’t feel the same way, it beats being kept in the dark.

How to Get a Shy Guy to Make a Move

If a guy is shy, getting him to break out of his shell and take your relationship to the next level may be a really tall order. The mere fact that you like him a lot or that he feels the same way won’t exactly change a thing. Unless he gets a push from you or someone else, you’ll probably be left wondering for a very long time whether he’s even interested in being with you. If you don’t want to scare him away by being too forward or you’re just as shy as he is, you could try a more subtle approach and try to slowly nude him towards the light. So if you’re ready to get this ball rolling between you and Mr. Shy Guy, here are a couple of things you could try.

  • Run into him by chance. If you’re a woman living in today’s world, chances are you know what strategic positioning is all about. If you don’t, it simply means putting yourself in the position to randomly “run into him” without making it obvious and creepy. Find out what he likes and where he likes to hang out and plan a trip to those places. Pick up an interest in the things that he’s interested in so that he feels like you have a lot of things in common.
  • Keep talking to him. Shy people listen way more than they talk. So if you’re dealing with a shy guy, chances are you’ll have to do most of the talking. Start conversations with him, call him regularly and find out he is doing. By making him feel like you’re genuinely interested in him and how he’s doing, he may be encouraged to take the bold step and make a move.
  • Control the conversation. The chances of a conversation with a shy guy going awry or ending quickly and awkwardly are definitely high. You need to ask him questions that would require him to open up more. While you listen, smile and nod and make it obvious that you’re following exactly what he’s saying. In between conversations, find instances to tell him something nice or to pay him compliments. All that you’re doing will make him feel comfortable enough around you to take a chance on you.
  • Ask for his advice often. No matter how shy he is, he is still a guy. And one thing we know about guys is that they love they damsel in distress. If you’re trying to draw him out, you could try asking for his help or his advice on matters often. This way, you build the impression that you value his help and opinions and that’s why you keep asking for them.
  • Don’t force things. I understand that you’re eager to get the ball rolling on this relationship. However, you should always have it at the back of your mind that there’s only so far that you go before you begin to come across as pushy. Don’t try to get too know him too quickly, don’t ask him too many questions at once, don’t bombard his phone with texts. Whatever it is that you’re doing to get his attention, don’t do it too much else you risk the chance of pushing him away.

If you try all of this and he’s still not forthcoming, then maybe he needs more time. Or worse, maybe he’s just not into you and that’s absolutely okay.

How much time should couples spend together?

Relationships require both parties to invest resources which include time. Since there is no universal rule on how much time couples should spend together, one may wonder what the healthy amount of time they should spend with their partner is. We are not here to establish any form of rules. Instead, we will be dishing out ways to evaluate how much time you spend together. We will also be sharing ways you can spend more time together, if you feel the time you do not spend enough time together with your relationship partner. Lastly, we will be sharing pointers to how to get some space if you feel that spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend is all you do.

Do you spend too much time together?

Relationship experts have noted that when people get into relationships, especially at the initial stage, they tend to spend a lot of time together planning their days and activities together. A lot of the times, the initial phase of spending a lot of time together phases out, and if a proper transition is not made, the couple may lose that initial bond.

So, it is important to evaluate the time one spends with their relationship partner. Here are some evaluation tips to tell if you’re spending too much with your relationship partner and are at the risk of losing the bond you have presently when you get to spend less time together

Do you still hang out with your friends and do your own things?

If the answer to this question is no especially since you got into your present relationship, you are probably spending too much time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The ability to still spend a healthy amount of time together, depending on your schedule, with your friends shows that you aren’t spending much more time being a couple than being a person.

One’s ability to enjoy their hobbies and still keep their ideologies without being overly influenced by their relationship partner is another sign that they are spending too much time as a couple.

Do you spend little to no time together?

No matter how in love two people are, they must still spend time together as a couple to strengthen their bond. You will be able to tell if you’re spending little to no private time with them if you can’t remember a handful personal or intimate moments you have had as a couple. These moments mustn’t be glamorous, as long as they are intimate and private.

Spending a healthy amount of time together as a couple

If you feel like you’re spending too much time as a couple than as a person, you should begin to strategically incorporate doing things outside your relationship like enjoying your hobby and hanging out with friends. You should, however, talk to your relationship partner so that these changes do not sabotage your relationship.

If you realized that you do not spend enough time with your relationship partner, it is high time you made amends. Start by finding out ways you can spend more time together. You could start with just spending more time listening to them talk about their days.

The trick to spending enough time with one’s relationship partner is easy: establish a system, based on your schedule, that gives you a healthy amount of time to be a couple and also a person.

How Men Fall in Love: Stages

Dating stage is definitely the most exciting part of a relationship. This is when you feel extreme emotions of nervousness, excitement, and happiness. It is the stage where you get to know each other better, find the things or hobbies that you are compatible with, and determine if he or she is the one that you want to be with. However, this stage is different from a women’s perspective to men. Majority of women believes in love at first sight but for men, love might take a little while but if they do, they truly fall in love.

Here are the stages of how men fall in love that helps you understand how men work it out:

  1. Physical Appearance – As we all know, men tend to get attracted first on a woman’s physical look. This does not mean that a woman needs to be conventionally beautiful to get their attention because every man’s definition of beautiful is different like some prefer those with curly hair, tall, chubby, and many more. Whatever they desire, they look for it first but in some situations, men do not know exactly what they are looking for and they just get attracted on what they see.

  2. Crush – As soon as they are physically attracted with the woman they see beautiful, he now have a crush on her. During this stage, men tend to do whatever it takes to get their crushes’ attention. This stage might determine if he would pursue his crush or not. Men do not fall in love yet in this stage. They just go with the flow and do whatever it is that makes them occupied and happy.

  3. Show off – This is perhaps the most exciting stage for men. They might not feel any love yet but this stage is where men do unique, romantic, and sometimes, extravagant things just to make a woman like him. Men feel good if they have impressed their crush and make her happy with their effort.

  4. Assurance – This stage is important for men before they allow themselves to fall in love. He needs to be sure that the woman is completely in love with him in this stage. Once he gets that assurance, he will now start to think about the pros and cons if he will enter a relationship with her. This might be selfish but men have this characteristic that they do not want to be rejected after they have confessed they love so they want to be sure first.

  5. Now he is ready – Once he is sure that she totally loves him and was able to determine that the pros weigh heavier than the cons of getting into a relationship. Now he is ready to give all the love that she deserves.

These stages are way different from how women fall in love and lot of people might find them more complicated but what can we do? This is how it works for them and it would be even better if you make men work hard to earn your love too.

He wants space – should I text him?

When he is asking for space, should you jam with his music and play cool or should you still text him from time to time? You may feel the need to text him anyway just to check how he’s doing, what he is doing, what he thinks, how he feels, and more importantly, if there’s any chance that he will be coming back to you. It may vary from one situation to another but here are some things that you remember whenever you ask yourself, “He wants space should I text him?”

  • Third Party. There is a good reason why most people would think that there is somebody new whenever the boyfriend asks for space. That is because it is the top reason why the sense of longing to be with you ceases to be as intense as before. Most likely, your boyfriend wants some free time to be alone or most likely, to spend time on or with somebody else. This is rather harsh but in cases like this, like many others, the truth hurts but that pain will give you the strength to let go and move on. Should you text him or not? Well, check your feelings. Do you think it is worth fighting for or not?
  • Validation in Vain. If you want to send him a text message so he can reassure you that everything is fine and that soon, you will be back in each other’s arms, then, do not text him. He wants space so give him that as much as you can. If he wants to come back to you, let it be because he wants to but that does not mean that you will just wait for him. Be with other people who love you like your family and friends as they can give you even more validation that your boyfriend could give.
  • You’ve got the Power. While it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you or that you have done or said something wrong that’s why he is asking for space, that is not always the case. Sometimes, you feel that way because he asked for space. However, you can also use this space to evaluate your feelings for him. You should avoid texting him and focus on other things instead. He needs to understand that you are not just losing him but that you have a say in your relationship and that he is risking losing you too.
  • Maintenance Matters. There are also times when men ask for space because you are being too high maintenance. Sometimes you take up most of his time, his energy, his attention, that he does not have any time left for himself anymore. This is often reinforced by jealousy and insecurity so in such cases, you need to check if you are guilty of such issues or not.

It can be quite confusing when he says he wants space yet you have a lot of questions that you want to ask and things that you want to say. Just keep the things mentioned above in mind so you won’t do anything that you might regret.

Girlfriend wants space but not a break up!

Is it a bad idea to take a break from someone? Do you owe your partner something when you take some time apart? What is the difference between a break and a breakup?

When my boyfriend broke up with me, he initially asked for space.

According to Berit “Brit” Brogaard, author of On Romantic Love, a break is not a breakup: it’s pause from the other person – a period to think without having to be around the person during the thinking period. According to him, the rules of the relationship do not change, and each person only gets the time to think about whether the relationship should continue – but they do not go out to test the waters to see whether there are better fish in the sea.

I did not entertain the idea that my then boyfriend only wants some time apart because he admitted that he was already seeing someone else. I disagreed giving him the break he was asking and right there I told him that he’s therefore not asking for a break, but a breakup instead.

For Brogaard, a break is only applicable when a couple still wants to save their relationship. A breakup, on the other hand, is the thing you, your partner, or both of you choose when there is a plan that the relationship has to end. Meaning, you, your partner, or both of you agree to discontinue the romantic relationship that you have. You could be friends, or just be strangers once more.

Don’t be just like people who resort to breakup right away. Here, I will give you 7 tips on HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS SPACE BUT NOT BREAKUP:

  1. IDENTIFY THE SOURCE OF CONFLICT

Ask her the reason why, because there has to be at least one instance that triggered her to ask you some time apart. Most girls, unfortunately, would not tell right away the real reason and will most of the time let you guess. If step one does not work, proceed to the next step.

  1. RECALL

Dig deep into your memory lane and think about the possible scenarios that possibly made her decide to ask for a break. Did you just make her feel she has to doubt? Did she tell you anything about someone she just met?

  1. TALK ABOUT SOLUTIONS

Once you have identified the root of the problem, it’s time to find alternative solutions before saying “yes” to the break she is asking for. Try to ask her if she is available for a meet-up, or ask her for a short drive and go somewhere where she could breathe some fresh air, so that she could at least release what’s bothering her. This is a win-win solution, because she gets to release her stress, and you could also personally verify the problems on your “guess list” when she didn’t tell you everything! If this will or won’t work, proceed to the next step.

  1. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH

Ask her friends if she had opened up already about something unusual. This is very tricky, because most of the time, her real friends would not help you once she had talked to them already. Always be vigilant on who you’re asking help from, otherwise, they will spill the beans to your girlfriend because they, too, have no idea what you’re up to. The key here is to win her friends, too.

  1. DECIDE

If you have already done the four steps, this is now the time to decide.

  1. PRAY

Nothing beats the ever-classic advice of our elderly. Surrender everything to the Lord, and let Him do His work on her heart.

  1. GIVE HER ASSURANCE THAT YOU WOULD BE WAITING

If you gave her a “yes” to her request for a break, make it clear to her that you will have to meet again after the period of time you have agreed upon for her to have a break. Remember that you have to assure her that there is someone who’s still waiting for her.

I hope these tips have given you an idea on how to handle this kind of situation.

Dating a woman with low self-esteem

A woman must know how to love herself first in order to give love to someone. That is one of the basic rules in successful relationship. However, not all women are confident enough either with their looks, their flaws, and many more, which results to low self-esteem. Sadly, these insecurities and low self-confidence directly affects a relationship, it makes them difficult to love but absolutely not impossible. They just require an extra understanding and assurance and they are sure to gain the confidence to make a relationship work.

Understanding is very essential in dating a woman with low self-esteem and these are some of the things that you need to know to help you appreciate them even more:

  1. They do not trust easily – Women with low self-esteem do not give away their trust easily because they do not trust themselves first. They are not confident enough with the way they look and they always feel that something lacks them and that missing piece is already enough for someone to break their trust or cheat on them.

  2. Fear of communication – Effective communication is definitely important to have a healthy and strong relationship. Unfortunately, women with low self-confidence cannot express themselves well. They are afraid that one mistake can ruin an entire relationship so they believe that it is better to stay quiet and just pretend that everything is okay with them even if it is not.

  3. Self-pity – They do not believe that they are beautiful, even if their partner already told them that she is. They do not see their worth and always downgrade them as if always requiring an assurance but even if you already assured them, still do not consider it. Sometimes, they even start an argument about it, which can be emotionally exhausting for their partner.

Here are the ways on how to date a woman with low self-esteem and make them feel that they are worth it.

  • Believe in her – Support and believe her in everything that she does, make her believe in herself too that she can do it. This is the first step of gaining self-confidence. Be her number 1 fan and always assure her that she can do everything and you will always be there to support her.

  • Accept her flaws – Know more about her and accept all her flaws, tell her that she is uniquely beautiful with those and she is worth it no matter what.

  • Listen to her – Give her time to open up her feelings by listening, this is perfect if you want her to gain confidence and express her feelings to you.

  • Compliment her – This is perhaps the most important thing that you can do to boost her confidence, always compliment her no matter how little the changes are.

Appreciation and acceptance are the keys in dating a woman with low self-esteem. It might be difficult at first but once you gained her confidence and trust, know that everything is sure to be worth it. If you truly love her, just be there for her and give her all the love that she deserves and she is sure to realize her worth in no time.

Dating a Widower: Red Flags

It goes without saying that accepting and moving on from the death of a loved one is truly a struggle. It requires the bereaved to use every single ounce of strength within them just so they could continue waking up each morning and live their lives the way they are supposed to. Now imagine having to deal with the aftermath of a loss—let alone jump back into the dating pool.

So, what happens when a man loses his wife? Will he still be able to open is heart and love someone else? Won’t the memories of his late wife haunt him and any potential lover? Surely, things will not be just a walk in the park. When you date a widower, what are the most common red flags that you should watch out for?

We took the liberty of listing some of the common warning signs in dating a widower…

• You resemble the widower’s late wife and therefore reminds him of her.

You know how one runs back to what is familiar? That’s what usually happens to widowers. They are drawn to people who remind them of their late wife. Same hair color, body type, eye color, and quirks– these are some of the things that could spike his interest in you.

However, if you and the late wife are really like two peas in a pod, you should tread lightly. The widower could only be dating you because he sees his wife in you and sadly, not the real you. You will end up like a place holder—you’re only in his life to fill the emptiness the late wife left.

• The widower doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family members.

Each person goes through the grieving process differently. Some people need more time to accept the loss and some bounce back easily.

So when a widower is dating someone new, it might be difficult for him to introduce his new lady to the people around him because he’s scared of what they might think. That it is still too soon for him to entertain the idea of someone new. Some people who were close to the late wife might still be grieving over the loss and this could cause conflicts.

• The widower compares you and his late wife.

As creatures of habit, we sometimes get used to how things are done. May it be as simple as how we want our coffees in the morning or the much more complicated things like how we discipline our kids.

Therefore, in relationships, specially those that has lasted several years, they grow accustomed to how their partners do things a certain way. So when a widower dates you and keeps on comparing you to his late wife, you will have to remind him that she is not you. That you are your own person.

The danger in letting this constant comparison slide is that the widower might get the idea that you are fine with how things are. He might unconsciously try to change you into his late wife; and unless you’re on board with that, you better tell him how you really feel before it’s too late.

• He never opens up to you about his grief.

Men like to appear tough and therefore they don’t like feeling vulnerable. This leads to them, avoiding topics that would make them emotional. However, as you spend more time as a couple, there should already be some level of trust and openness between the two of you.

So when a widower refuses to talk about his sorrows, you should start wondering if he is really willing to move on—or if he has even moved on at all.

• Shrines to the late wife are seen everywhere.

When someone dies, the mistakes they’ve committed dies with them. The family will only focus on the good things they have done thus putting them on a pedestal. Usually, the deceased is immortalized through photos, online memorial sites and sometimes, actual literal shrines.

So when a widower is really ready to welcome you into his life, those shrines will disappear and all the other ways of commemorating the late wife will slowly stop. Paying their respects to their dead loved one is one thing but trying to keep the deceased alive to a point where it’s already making you feel like you have to compete with a ghost is totally a different thing. You should know when to continue fighting for your place in his life and when to stop.

• He never verbalizes the words, “I love you”.

The widower takes you out on romantic dates and he never fails to show you how much you matter to him through his caring gestures. You even often exchange sweet nothings which excites you but something is missing. Then, you realize, he has never said the words “I love you”. Not even once.

When all of his actions are pointing at the same direction but he has never confirmed your assumptions with a sincere “I love you”, be alarmed. Because if he is planning on keeping you around, those words should already have escaped his lips.

• The conflict avoider. People have different ways and rates of mourning a loss and moving on from a loss. Sometimes, finding new love can make the process faster but it seldom happens for the family even in cases of natural death. Some widowers avoid such conflict of moving on to a new relationship earlier than the family of the departed would expect him to. This is also a signal that perhaps he is not yet sure that the relationship is worthy of the risk of having such conflicts with his departed wife’s family.

• The forever fan. Love can never be erased instantly even in death. You may hear a lot of praises and compliments each time a widower speaks about his departed wife. You may notice that hint of admiration and adoration but you need to check how you feel about it. You need to be as understanding as you can. You need to prepare yourself for such instances without feeling threatened or insecure. You may also need to check your similarities with his late wife as there is such a thing as rebound from a wife’s death wherein the widower looks for someone who will make him feel that he’s still with his wife.

• Stuck Up. When the widower seems to be far from moving on and it seems like he just needs someone to listen to him or someone to share his grief with, you can weigh how you feel. You need to feel if the relationship is worth it. If you think it is, then be a good listener and a good friend until he’s moved on.

• Her Home. If the house still feels like the late wife still lives there because of the portraits and her other things in almost every corner of the house, then you need to observe closely. When the widower cares so much about you, he will consider your feelings and although not instantly, you will notice that the late wife’s things will disappear one by one at least on the spots where you are frequently in.

• Man of Action. While many people believe that action speaks better than words, it is still a red flag if he can’t seem to tell you that he loves you.

In any relationship, it should always be a give and take kind of thing. You can’t expect the other person to just keep on giving without them, receiving anything in return. Open communication is also vital to having a successful and happy relationship. Never assume that the other person knows how you feel and what you’re thinking. After all, they’re not psychics. So when you date a widower, just keep these red flags in mind and know when to let go if you sense that he is still clinging to his late wife’s memory.

Dating a Widower over 50

Most of widowers over 50 have been married for more or less three decades. In such a span of time, many things have happened. He shared many ups and downs with his late wife. It is something that you can never compete with. It is all in the past so you can never win no matter how hard you fight. However, dating a widower over 50 can also be a pleasurable experience because of different perspectives and a lot of lesson learned from decades of relationship.

Here are the things that you need to understand when dating a widower over 50:

  • Honesty is the best policy. You need to establish a rule about honesty when it comes to dating a widower over 50. You can expect that he will be more than willing to be honest because at that age, he will most likely not have time for any lies. Also, he will appreciate honesty just like anybody else who is in a relationship. After all, a relationship based on lies is most likely to end up being one as well.
  • Totally relatable. Your dating journey is something that he probably understands because he has gone through the same things back when he was younger. Now, he is most likely over those things and would never want to go through those things ever again. That way, you go straight to the good stuff – a shot at a healthy relationship after everything that the two of you went through.
  • Live. Laugh. Love. A widower over 50 understands that life is not always rainbows and butterflies. He knows that relationship needs commitment, sacrifices, and compromises. Because of this, there will not be so many disappointments because of unmet expectations. With his experience, he knows that pride does nothing good and that it just becomes a communication barrier.
  • Worth waiting for. You need to make sure that he is ready for a serious relationship. New relationships can be very exciting. However, you need to be careful not to get carried away by your emotions. You need to wait for just about a year as it is the usual period of time when a widower’s wounds heal just enough to move on to a new relationship.
  • Matching type. You need to make sure that he walks the talk. This will save you from a lot of heartaches. All you need is a critical eye and a critical mind to make sure that he says what he means and that he means what he says. Widowers over 50 should value their words and they should have been past the days when they would say anything just to get what they want.

Dating a widower over 50 can be quite challenging but it also has numerous upsides. You just need to make sure that you are both on the same page. Just like in any other romantic relationships, never rush things. Love is sweeter when it develops and ages on its own.

When a man is vulnerable with you

Vulnerability is a key ingredient of a lasting relationship. It is what develops intimacy and trust between partners. However, men and women are driven by their fear of being vulnerable with their partner. They fear that exposing their true personality might scare off them off. They believe that maintaining a safe distance from each other creates a safety net for them and enables them to able to rule over their own emotions. They fear that revealing their true nature is shameful.

There are a lot of misconceptions about vulnerability which makes people fear it. Associating it with being weak or submissive is one of many on the list. Maybe that is one reason some guys find it unmanly to be vulnerable, which is wrong in so many ways. First of all, it requires a huge amount of courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Second, revealing yourself to another person involves incredible strength. Third, being emotionally exposed is bravery in its purest form.

You will know how serious he is with you when you observe his actions. You will be able to tell his true intentions with your relationship. Evaluate whether your man shows signs of vulnerability.

When do you know that he is showing you his vulnerable side?

When he wants to learn more about you

When he is willing to listen to you it means he wants a deeper relationship. When he is trying to get to know you, he is not only after your backstory but wants to know about your feelings too. He wants to let you know he can be there for you emotionally as well. To be emotionally connected with you, he must first try to understand you. He is not interested in the superficial things about you, but your whole personality.

When he shares about his past

A man only opens himself to someone when he is very comfortable with that person. That means when he shares with you some personal things about him, he is welcoming you in his life. He wants you to know more about himself so you could understand him better. When two people are free to tell each other about their past, it makes their bond stronger. With knowing each other’s personalities, they grasp the other person’s whole being.

When shows you his true nature

Not being afraid to show you what he really is takes a lot of courage. It means he is willing to be seen without a mask on. He does not want to pretend to be someone else because he wants you to know his authentic personality. He is not afraid to show you who he really is for he allowed himself to be vulnerable with you. And being vulnerable is about taking risks. He is taking the risk of showing his true nature to you, even when he is uncertain whether you are going to accept what he truly is or not.

When he seeks for your help

Some men think that it is necessary to act and be strong in front of their woman. What they don’t know is that most women think that men who ask for help from their partners are the bravest. When he needs your help and let’s you know about it, he is dropping his ego. He does not think that he has to be the only one who should be strong in a relationship. He does not think of you as a weak woman. He treats you as his equal. Even though it’s just to seek for advice for a tiny problem, it shows that he cares so much about your opinion.

When he tells you what’s on his mind

It’s hard to tell what goes on in a man’s mind because they hardly tell anything. That’s why you are extremely lucky when your man starts to tell you what’s on his mind. No more guessing games about what he is thinking. He will tell you when something bothers him, when something upsets him, when something irritates him. When he is vocal about what he thinks it just means that he is being real. He is not holding back his thoughts because he wants a real and mature relationship with you.

When he lets you know how he feels

When your man starts to express his emotions, that means he is willing to be vulnerable with you. If he is being real with you about his emotions, it means that he values your relationship. He wants to establish a relationship where both of you are free to tell each other what you truly feel. With his vulnerability, intimacy surrounds the relationship. It keeps the spark in your love life alive. This is what is needed in a healthy, mature relationship.
Check whether your man shows you anything that is mentioned above. When he passes at least one of these signs, it means he is taking a step towards vulnerability. Keep hoping that he fully embraces his vulnerable side. You’ll know he is the one when he makes it through.

Dating a woman with trust issues

UNDERSTAND HER PAIN

You can’t deal with something you don’t understand. That is why the first thing that you should be doing when dating a woman with trust issues is to UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH. Know that she has faced a great deal of pain from her previous experiences. That is why she acts with extreme precaution. She is always skeptical about your actions and doubts your intentions. You can’t blame her for acting that way because she must have had her trust broken multiple times already. It’s only natural for her to guard herself now to protect herself from anymore heartbreaks.

When you finally and truly understand her, you will know how to deal with her issues. You will know how to break her walls and make your way inside her carefully-guarded heart.

BE PATIENT WITH HER

When she acts as if she is brushing you off, don’t immediately start thinking that she does not like you. She simply acts like that at first because she is too cautious. She is just observing you from a distance and assessing your personality whether you deserve to be trusted or not. If you really like her, continue pursuing her by letting her know that you want to see her again but make sure to respect her boundaries.

It will take a long time before she really opens herself to you and completely show what she feels about you. She can be very secretive at first because she doesn’t want to let out a lot of information about herself. So, remember to be the first one to initiate a conversation during the get-to-know stage because she won’t be doing it for fear that she would be thought of as needy.

Know that she wants to take things slowly because she does not want to make the same mistakes she did in the past. You will not be seeing her true nature until she’s done carefully evaluating your worthiness of being given her trust. It actually is a good thing to move at a slow pace because she will notice that you are really taking the time to get to know her and she will be acknowledging your patience.

Continue being patient with her and you soon will see the fruits of your own hard work. Once she sees how patient and persistent you are to get her, she will know your true worth and show you her inner beauty.

LISTEN TO HER

Pay attention to what she says because women like to be heard. When she’s not yet too comfortable around you, she will still be on her guard. The words coming out of her mouth can be contrary to what she’s really trying to tell so make sure to notice her facial expressions and body language when she talks to you. You can tell by her actions whether she still wants to talk to you or she’s starting to feel uncomfortable.

When she finally begins to be confident around you, she might start talking about past experiences that continue to haunt her until now. When she does, listen to every word that she is saying. You might be able to identify the triggers that will remind her of past nightmares. When you know about her triggers, you will be able to handle her issues very well and not repeat the same mistakes that have cause her pain. This will help you with your relationship with her when you proceed to the next level because you are able to understand her deeper. You won’t be seeing her as a paranoid woman with sick issues for you will perfectly embrace what she is. Plus, this will save you the trouble of going through a lot of terrible fights.

BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH HER

If you really want to be with a woman with trust issues, then this is the thing that you have to swear upon your life – COMPLETE HONESTY. From the very beginning, a woman with trust issues will never entirely believe what you say. She has heard enough lies in her lifetime that got her suffering to this very day. She trained herself to be skeptic with the things she hears because she does not want to be an easy target. She could not afford to get her heart broken once again.

When working through her heart, just tell the truth. Don’t make false promises to her for her ears are deaf to those empty promises. Instead, let your actions speak for you. Show her that you have honest intentions. Let her see your worth. Make her believe that you are not some douchebag who just knows his way with words. Just show her the real you. Once she gives you her full trust, never ever break it.

How to gain trust back in a relationship after lying

Trust is the most crucial element of a relationship. It is to have complete faith in your partner in anything and everything. Building trust in a relationship is a difficult step that most couples hardly overcome but the couples who have built a strong foundation of trust endure the most difficult hurdles that come along their way. With trust, they make their partners free. No doubts, no suspicions, and no worries. However, once you have each other’s full trust, it does not mean that nothing can topple it down. One small mistake can send your relationship to the bottom, and you are back to square one with the trust thing. Earning trust is difficult enough, what more when you have to rebuild it after breaking it? It might seem impossible, but with enough effort, you can.

1. Confess the truth

You owe your partner the truth when you lie. Telling the truth will set you free from the heavy burden of keeping a secret from your partner. No matter how bad the thing you lied about is, it is important that your partner knows all about it. Never deny anything from them when they already know that you were lying. It will only make the situation worse for your relationship and earning back their trust will be close to impossible. Admit everything that your partner needs to know of, even the tiniest of details. Only in honesty will you have a chance at being forgiven.

2. Allow your partner to vent

When they have an emotional outburst upon learning the truth, do not be surprised. It is only natural for them to have that reaction after being lied to. Do not react negatively when they vent out their emotions. They deserve to let all their anger out at you. Allow them to express what they are feeling. Expect a lot of yelling or crying which are normal expressions of those who are hurt. However, when your partner starts lashing out at you physically, it is best for you to leave them first. Give them all the space they need to contemplate about the situation, but make sure to let them feel that you are still there for them.

3. Apologize with utmost sincerity

Let your partner know that you are deeply sorry for what you have done and that you regret ever doing it. Merely saying sorry is not enough and can be considered very insensitive. When asking for an apology, it is best to make them feel that you regret what you have done wholeheartedly, and it is never your intention to hurt them. Do not try to justify why you tried to lie, and never ever tell them that you did it for their own good. It was your choice to lie and it was never an option.

4. Let your partner take his time to heal

After apologizing, do not expect outright forgiveness from your partner. It takes time for them to heal depending on the gravity of your deceit. Allow them to move at their own pace and do not keep bothering them to forgive you. Just let them know that when they you are there patiently waiting for their forgiveness. Respect your partner’s boundaries.

5. Expect that your partner will be more skeptic from now on

After being lied to, your partner will be on to you like crazy. They would not like being deceived again so they are very careful now about all the things you do and say. They will no longer easily believe in you without being smothered by a lot of questions. They are evaluating whether you are back to being a trustworthy person or not. When dealing with this, just keep answering the questions you are being asked and be transparent all the time. Once they feel that you are being really honest with them, their skepticism will continually reduce until you are back to being the person who holds their full trust.

6. Let your partner know that it will never happen again

Constant reassurance that it is never going to happen again will ease your partner’s doubts in you. Keep telling them that you can never afford to do it again because you value your relationship. Promise your partner that you are never going to hurt their feelings again and that you learned your lesson.

7. Keep your word

Never, ever break your promises to a person you once lied to. It is not enough that you tell them that it is never going to happen again. Instead, show them that you are a person who keeps your promises and that you are a person worthy of earning back their trust. Let them see you work hard to regain what you have lost in your relationship. Your partner is sure to slowly trust you again. It may take a long time, but it is all worth the wait and effort once you finally rebuild that solid foundation of trust in your relationship. When you do, make sure that nothing can ever break it again.

How to be vulnerable with a man

Most people seem to find it very hard to be vulnerable in a relationship. Probably because they think vulnerability is weakness. That’s what makes them so frightened of it. Being vulnerable is in no way related to being weak nor submissive. It does not mean giving up the power to control to the other person.

Vulnerability, if you ask me, is about strength. It is about mustering a great deal of courage to allow yourself to be exposed emotionally. It is to let someone else see who you really are. It is to uncover all your emotions, reveal everything inside you. By being vulnerable with a man, you take yourself to another level with him, and that is INTIMACY. When you become intimate with a man, you let him inside your heart.

But how do you make yourself vulnerable with a man?

You must learn to EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Miscommunication is a big relationship problem couples face. Some women have the tendency to keep their feelings inside of them. They think men have superpowers and can read women’s minds.

Admit that you’re guilty of this, too. You assume that your man can assess the situation and easily tell what you’re feeling. When he asks, you usually say the opposite of what you really want to say. For example, when your guy asks if you’re okay, you automatically reply “I’m fine” even when the truth is you’re not. Your man assumes you ARE okay while you remain feeling unwell. You get annoyed at him for being so insensitive, thus, initiating a fight. You think your man has the ability to tell whatever’s going on your mind? Well, fact check, HE DOESN’T.

It is up to you to convey what you really feel to your man. If he did something that upset you, let him know. If he said something that offended you, tell him straight to his face. Do not be afraid of telling him what you are really feeling. This allows him to know more about you. It replaces the guessing-game with understanding.

Now let’s go back to the previous example. He asks you if you’re okay. You reply with, “I am not. You hurt my feelings with what you said.” He apologizes to you and you both discuss about the thing that got you upset. You make up. Problem solved.

When you learn to properly express your feelings to him, you make it easier to communicate with him. As you understand more about each other, your bond becomes tighter.

Another thing you should work on is how to OPEN YOURSELF UP TO HIM. Let him know about previous heartbreaks and pains. By telling him more about your past, he develops a deeper understanding of your personality. Through openness you connect with your man in a more meaningful and satisfying way.

Let him know about the controlling ex-boyfriend you had. Tell him about the previous toxic relationship you had with an abuser. Tell him about that one time you got cheated on.

Let him see through all your cracks and imperfections. To be vulnerable is to allow yourself to be emotionally naked. He will learn to embrace who you truly are when he learns every part of you – even the bad ones – and will appreciate you even more.

Understand that it is okay to LEAN ON HIM EMOTIONALLY when you start opening up to him. Do not think of it as coming off as needy or desperate. It’s only natural to lean on to your man every once in a while.

As you learn to become vulnerable with him, you let him see the tender and fragile parts of you for him to truly see you. You feel safer to be with your man. Your man will serve as your provider and protector when he sees that delicate side of yours. He will make you feel protected and taken care of. This will make your relationship stronger for your man will realize how to meet your emotional needs. Vulnerability will foster a more emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship.

Vulnerability, as I have said, is about strength. Dealing with expression, openness, and leaning of emotions involves a great deal of sheer willpower. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a man is to take a huge risk. You know what they say, the higher the risk is, the higher the reward. The reward that you get here is the love that is formed through the emotional connection you make while letting yourself be truly seen. It might take you an awful lot of time before you can be vulnerable with a man, just know that when you are finally ready to take a baby step towards vulnerability, you’re going to get the purest form of love that there is in this world.

Signs she is a high-value woman

How do we measure a woman’s value? Is it by her looks? Clothes? Job? Success? It varies from person to person who assesses the worth of a woman. However, there are general indicators that tell her value. Here are some of those indicators that say whether a woman is of high value which are backed up by powerful sayings of remarkable women.

She thinks before she speaks

Words are very powerful. Many hearts have already been broken because of hurtful words. A woman who knows how to control her tongue is a rare find in this world full of nagging women. A woman with value knows her way around words. She contemplates first rather than blabber on and on. She watches what she says and carefully words her thoughts for she knows the consequences of speaking while being overwhelmed with emotions.

“Life isn’t about just talking, it’s about thinking too.” – Marie Symeou

She knows when to surrender

Winning isn’t everything if it costs you your relationship. Women who cannot let go of something are tough to deal with. When a woman insists on turning a petty fight into a big deal, it means she is not humble enough to swallow her pride even just for a tad. The idea of surrendering brings up fear in her because she associates it with loss. If a woman surrenders, it means she also surrenders her power and need to control. She is willing to cease taking charge. She embraces humility.

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” -Julia  Cameron

She listens

According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, men found it more attractive when they feel like women are listening to them. They consider women to be more feminine when they listen and make them feel as if their needs are tended to. A person can find it therapeutic just speaking to a someone who is willing to lend a listening ear. It is not always that one must reply to be responsive. To listen is to understand. Listening intently is also a way of being responsive, and that is one thing that high value women always possess.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” ? Brené Brown

She knows how to respect

Men are not the only people demanded of respect when it comes to treating women. It goes the other way around, too. In fact, it is part of human nature that all men and women respect one another. Women of high value are not needed to be reminded of this for it is in her nature to be respectful of others. She is respected in turn, by the people around her.

“If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die.” – Maya Angelou

She takes care of herself

Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than knowing that she can take care of herself. Making herself the prettiest of all is not the self-care we are talking about here. It’s about protecting her whole wellbeing. She takes charge of her physical wellness and chooses to live healthily. She carefully picks what she eats and takes time to break a little sweat and exercise. She makes sure that her activities do not take a toll on her mental wellness. Whatever goodness she brings inside of her reflects on her outside appearance. She glows from within.

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen

She is grateful.

“Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”, they said. If you think that only expensive things can make a woman happy, then better reevaluate the way you generally think about women. Not all women are blinded by shiny things. A woman’s happiness is not defined by material things but in contentment. A truly content woman is someone who’s appreciative of the tiniest things in life – a beautiful sunset, a quiet night, or a partner with a great sense of humor. If a woman shows acknowledgment over her man’s littlest efforts, then that’s how you know she’s a keeper.

“Appreciation can make a day — even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” – Margaret Cousins

She knows when to be vulnerable

A strong woman does not easily open herself. She guards her walls and stays in power. She is not helpless. However, a woman of strength also knows when to be vulnerable. When she is ready, she unclothes her inner beauty. She surrenders her power and it leaves her defenseless. She opens herself up and removes all layers that shelter her emotionally. Being in that position does not show weakness but incredible strength for she has mustered enough courage to permit herself into being in that state.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” – Brené Brown

Why Men Give the Silent Treatment after a Breakup

When you were together, you thought that he would very likely be the person you’d spend the rest of your life with. Unfortunately, some good things do come to an end and your relationship was one of them. Now your ex-boyfriend who used to call at least three times a day doesn’t even respond to your texts anymore. Receiving the silent treatment is hard on almost everyone and if you’re in those shoes, you may start thinking that something is wrong with you. Slow down, there’s probably more to it than meets the eye. If you’ve recently parted ways with your man and he has been giving you the cold shoulder since then, it could be due to any of the following reasons.

  • He’s trying to deal with the pain. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment can drive you crazy. After all, you both decided to stay friends and keep in touch, why is he suddenly avoiding you? First of all, it’s not about you. Do not let this affect you too deeply. Right now, he probably just needs to separate himself from everything that reminds him of the hurt and disappointment of the breakup. It may be easy for you to continue to keep in touch with your ex after a breakup, but not everyone handles pain the same way. For now, just give him the space and the time he needs to get over whatever hurt he is feeling.
  • He misses you and he can’t admit it. This might be the case with your man especially if you’re the one who initiated the breakup. He knows that he misses you terribly and might not be able to handle remaining in the same space with you so he chose to keep a distance. Breakups are hurtful and some people might need more time to get over it than others.
  • He’s trying to hurt you. The truth is that not all relationships end amicably. Some end really badly and people leave feeling resentful. If that was your case, or if he tried to get you to reconsider the breakup and you refused, best believe he’s trying to spite you. You might want to accept the status quo and keep your distance from that man if you know for sure that that’s what he is doing.
  • He’s trying to cut off all strings. It’s no news that a lot of people keep falling in and out of bad relationships because they simply refuse to set boundaries after a breakup. He may be giving you the silent treatment because he doesn’t want to fall back into old habits. He know that the feelings are still there and it’s only the distance that will stop the both of you from messing around and ending up together again.
  • He needs a fresh start. Relationships are a huge part of one’s life and when they finally end, there’s a whole lot of readjusting to be done. If you continue to blur the lines with your ex, it may take you much longer to find yourself as a single person again. He know this and this is why he has decided to stop communicating with you.

If you’ve spent a lot of time wondering about why he isn’t picking your calls or showing up to events that you used to go on with your group of friends, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s most likely not about you.

How to Flirt with a Guy at Work

• Things might be a bit too obvious and noticeable to others if there’s no reason for you to be interacting with him, so create excuses and situations where you need to see him for work-related reasons (like working overtime together – just the two of you). It doesn’t even have to involve actual work, e.g. a coworkers’ lunch or night out – this also has the advantage of being able to see what he’s like in casual environments. And of course if you want to it’s now easier to progress to a date (but avoid your work clothes when you do!).

• Ask him lots of questions and listen – then find opportunities to compliment him (“You did what? You’re such a warm person!”). Lots of humor and laughter are also important, but remember that it’s both about being funny yourself AND laughing at his jokes.

• While dress codes can be strict depending on the workplace, you should take advantage of anything and everything that you do have the freedom to style to the fullest (e.g. not allowed to wear heels? You can still wear stylish flats – or choose to focus on your earrings instead) as long as it isn’t inappropriate.

• Remember that there are legal, professional and personal risks associated with flirting at your workplace (anything physical is an especially big nono), e.g. you might get sued for harassment, you might be passed over for a promotion or even get fired or you it might negatively affect your relationship with other coworkers.

• Don’t use company email to flirt – they are usually monitored by higher-ups. Handwritten notes and letters is a more discreet alternative – not to mention much more fun.

• Only flirt with one guy at a time to reduce the risk of problems.

• Forget about it if it’s a coworker who’s above you in the organizational hierarchy – they would be in a position to cause a lot of trouble for you if they don’t like your advances compared to an equal-level coworker or under.

• Remember that playing hard-to-get and being unpredictable are part of flirting.

• Be subtle – the workplace isn’t a club. It’s easy to get the message across with even slight deviations from standard professional behavior – something as simple as standing a bit too close for a bit too long, unnecessarily brushing hands when handing something over and even doing work-related favors for him (this also earns points by demonstrating competency, but it works in reverse too: asking him for help stimulates his “damsel in distress” instincts – who said flirting at the workplace can’t be productive?). In fact if you’re careless it’s too easy to do this to someone you’re not interested in and send the wrong message – if anything most guys read too much into small things, so take advantage of that.

Is He Flirting or Just Being Nice at Work?

Context is everything. Common flirty behaviors in casual settings only count in the workplace if: a) it’s not a normal part of the job, or b) he doesn’t do it to anyone else that he’s not interested in. Remember that this isn’t an exact science so try to see patterns of several different signs (and many guys are very good at hiding their true feelings).

• Body proximity: Leaning over a desk towards you because he needs to point out something important on a document or computer screen? It’s called working. Standing a little too close during small talk? It could be something more.

• Nervousness and excitement: Another possible sign of interest, unless: a) you’re his superior, b) he just got promoted or c) he has anxiety around everyone else.

• Blushing: Is it summer and is the air conditioning broken? Did something embarrassing just happen? Did he eat something a bit too spicy for lunch? If you’ve try your best but can’t find any real reason why his face consistently turns red whenever he sees y or talks to you, there’s reason for you to start blushing yourself.

• Body contact: Holding hands or embracing as part of a choreographed public performance, photoshoot or video obviously doesn’t mean anything on its own. Of course this doesn’t mean these can’t be a catalyst for creating feelings that weren’t there before – humans aren’t machines after all.

• More attentiveness compared to when interacting with other coworkers, showing irritation when anyone cuts in and putting off work to talk to you are signs he’s into you.

• Remembering things you said or did, especially if it’s detailed, is a positive sign. Make that a negative if it was something embarrassing like throwing up in front of your boss.

• Personal questions: These are usually off-limits in a professional setting especially during the hiring process, so it’s a big sign of interest.

• Flaunting his abilities, accomplishments or possessions could be to get your attention – unless he’s an egomaniac who does that to everyone.

• Complimenting: It could be flirting if he tells you your hair looks nice today – unless he goes on to compliment everyone else at work.

• Emphasizing commonalities with each other is flirting.

• Creating excuses to see you: Is there a possibility he’s a corporate spy wanting to glean important company secrets from you? No? Then there’s a possibility that he’s into you.

• Smiling: A quick, polite “mouth smile” while thanking you for a workplace favor is just being nice. Smiling a lot (especially if his teeth show) whenever you meet eyes or interact could be flirting.

• Eye contact: Looking at you while discussing something important related to work, observing you when training you for new skills or anything that makes it necessary to look at you probably just means he’s doing his job. On the other hand if he stare or tries to catch glimpses of you from across the room for no apparent reason, something else could be going on.

My Insecure Boyfriend Is Controlling!

Think your boyfriend might be a bit too insecure and controlling? Look out for these red flags:

• Criticising, belittling and shaming. Says lots of things that lower your self-esteem and confidence (everything from the trivial to life-changing) and talks down your accomplishments. In general, he will try to make it known that he’s the better “catch” in the relationship.

• Does not like you having “your own life” whether it be friends (especially male), family or any activity where he isn’t involved, and will either make you only meet people or do things he approves of or work to remove them from your life altogether (especially anything that involves improving yourself – but self-destructive habits may be encouraged). Usually this is insidious and happens slowly.

• Doesn’t like it when you”think for yourself” or have your own opinions or preferences – he would rather you adopt his worldview and tastes in everything (e.g. if he likes a particular brand of coffee he won’t accept that you prefer a different brand).

• Doesn’t tolerate personal boundaries (so he might hack into your email because he doesn’t trust you), privacy (always needs to know where you are and what you’re doing) or secrets (“I deserve to know your bank account PIN”), personal boundaries which are necessary for a healthy relationship.

• Double-standards regarding what is and isn’t acceptable in the relationship or how you should treat each other – does he freely do things that he doesn’t let you do (like having friends of the opposite gender or being late)?

• Everything has to be to his schedule – you may be expected to drop whatever you’re doing if he wants to see you (in his free time of course).

• Gives the impression that he’s with you for what you can give or do for him rather than for who you are inside (e.g. is quick to “borrow” money from you but is never interested in your needs or thoughts).

• Guilt-tripping and blaming. Does he make you feel like you did something wrong for no good reason, or accuse you of things without proof? Even worse, does he do all this even when he’s the one who has wronged you (in which case you’d find it hard to ever complain about anything to him)?

• If you’re lucky enough for people around you to notice and tell you that your boyfriend seems insecure and controlling, perhaps it’s worth listening to them.

• There are no signs of “unconditional love” – for every favor he expects something (often more) in return (e.g. he uncharacteristically takes you out to someplace nice, then asks to borrow some money).

• Tries to make everything about him. You mention you had a bad day, and instead of comforting you he goes on about how he’s had it worse.

• Tries to structure your life so that you rely on him more and more for different aspects of your life, so that eventually it becomes difficult to function without him (like discouraging you from getting a driver’s license and insisting that he can pick you up and drop you off for everything).

• Unreasonable and uncalled for jealousy. A little jealousy in a relationship is a good thing, but when it shows itself too frequently and in benign situations it’s not.

How to Make an Insecure Woman Feel Secure

• Always try to be forgiving of mistakes and wrongs (whether big or small, accidental or intentional), and be accepting of her flaws (whether physical, mental or situational).

• In general women are physically smaller and have less muscular strength than men. Make her feel safe physically, not necessarily by being big and strong (though that helps – time to renew that gym membership!) but by showing that you can protect her with wits and wisdom (for example by demonstrating an ability to defuse confrontational situations with words).

This isn’t limited to interactions with people – something as simple as catching her if she stumbles or trips can also help. Speaking of the physical, she must feel that you find only her beautiful – at the very least, don’t let her catch you blatantly eyeballing anyone else (this includes celebrities).

• Be honest, reliable and predictable. Always stay true to your word, no matter how trivial the matter. A forgotten promise to you is a lie to her. On a related note, always be open and transparent about everything in your life – a good start is to involve her with your family and friends. Imagine you’ve been with someone for years and you only just find out about a longtime friend or family of hers – it happens and really it’s not a big deal as long as no deception was involved, but it doesn’t change the fact you might feel at least a little hurt.

• Money matters, but it’s not about being a billionaire. Demonstrating that you can handle financial matters with good judgement and decisions (doesn’t mean you need to be a cheapskate) and showing that you can plan for the future are more important that any dollar amount (e.g. finding good deals on hotels and flights for a trip).

• Never put her down or demean her, whether it’s directly at her or indirectly through a third party (e.g. telling her or friends that you’re too good for her). That’s just the start though – constant positive comments that increase her self esteem will complete the magic (be specific and genuine).

• Life is unpredictable. Be a solid rock for her when she goes through emotionally unstable times (exams, family issues, work problems, etc.), and ensure that she feels it’s safe to express her feelings when with you without feeling shame (letting your own vulnerabilities be visible to her too helps, especially if it’s related to what she’s currently going through).

Patience is often necessary as low points usually take time to pass – refrain from the temptation to make her “snap out of it” using logic (e.g. if she talks about a conflict with a coworker, be supportive and listen rather than direct her to a website about conflict resolution skills). In a situation involving a disagreement with a third party, make sure you firmly take her side.

• Be in touch with how and what she thinks, and make sure she knows this and that you are “on the same wavelength” with her so that she knows there’s always someone who understands and “connects with” her in any situation. There are times in life when your actions have to be in sync without exchanging a single word.

• Let her know that you love her – not just with words, but with sweet behaviors (and gifts) too. Little things add up to paint a big picture of just how important she is to you, and she will see it. Even better, show that she’s more important to you than anything else in your life.

• Make sure you have your own life together – saying you’ll support her weight-loss efforts when you’re a fat slob yourself isn’t going to instill much confidence.

Insecure Boyfriend Signs

• Too much commitment too fast. Telling you you’re the love of his life when you haven’t even gotten to know each other may seem cute on the outside, but screams insecurity on the inside.

• Constantly asks you if you love him, because he needs to be SURE (for the 10th time today). He also needs your praise and approval about everything and anything or he will break down in despair (and often even if you do provide them).

• He excessively plays push-pull with the relationship, and constantly questions your dedication to him.

• He spends unreasonably large amounts of money on you (based on how much he has/makes) and it’s not based on a healthy mindset as he’s scared that you might abandon him otherwise.

Similarly, he might spend WAY too much time or money on vain self-improvement like bodybuilding or expensive cars. He might also embellish (or even outright make up) details about his life or his past to impress you.

• You are his primary (or even only) focus in his life. Perhaps he had a well-rounded life before, but he may have thrown it all away to devote himself to you (friends, jobs, hobbies).

His mental and emotional well-being depends on you – if you happen to be in a rough period of life or even just having a bad day and it shows (or worse, you make a passing remark that could be misconstrued as criticism), he will be WAY too sensitive to it and will likely think that it’s about him.

Now if it IS about him and you (nicely) point things out that could be improved, don’t expect it to get through to him – he’ll just make you look mean and cold-hearted.

• Jealous and suspicious. Any person you meet that’s not him makes him feel neglected – even if the subject of your attention is an inanimate object or even something abstract (like being TOO into a TV show).

He will contact you frequently and ask you who/what/when/where/why (don’t even think about replying late or -gasp- ignoring him!) – and if that person happens to be a (attractive!?) male friend or acquaintance, expect the questions to increase exponentially.

Suspicions can also lead him to invade your privacy – things like secretly checking your messages. And no matter how much you tell him you love him, he just can’t get rid of the suspicion that you may still be thinking about your ex(s).

• He is very conscious about and sensitive to people (especially other men) being “better” than him – whether that be financially, physically or otherwise.

• Negative stories about his past lovers – he may rant on about how he was mistreated by his past girlfriends, which quite frankly isn’t any of your business nor your fault.

What to Do When You Feel Insecure in a Relationship

• Don’t let feelings of insecurity or past life experiences negatively affect your perceptions, thoughts or behavior towards your partner, especially those that can damage his/her trust in you. Learn to recognize when your resentments, jealousy or suspicions are unfounded (distancing yourself from drama queens/kings would be a good start) – don’t worry about things that probably won’t happen, try to give the benefit of the doubt and always be patient, understanding and positive.

However, don’t hesitate to bring up genuine problems or issues you think needs to be discussed (and in a non-confrontational manner) – this includes things involving the future ranging from the trivial (such as whether how much, if any, contact with exes is acceptable) to important life decisions that you may need to make together. Clear communication in both directions is essential.

• Think of yourself as a worthy partner who brings your fair share to the table in what makes the relationship work – you’re not “dating up” or “less valuable”.

• Remind yourself (and more indirectly and subtly to your partner) that there are others who would like to be in his/her place. On a related note, don’t be envious of other relationships as more often than not it’s only the positive sides that are visible – all relationships has its low points, including yours, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

• Don’t be too reliant on your partner for too many aspects of your life – the less the better. Imagine that he/she could disappear from your life at any moment and structure your life accordingly (and that includes sufficient “alone” time). It’s nice to know that you can 100% rely on yourself (emotionally, physically, financially and more) if you ever have to face a struggle on your own.

Similarly, you can’t depend on the words or actions of your partner (or anyone else) to help with your feelings of insecurity; you need to become strong and confident from the inside. One important part of this is simply accepting and being at peace with that fact that not everything is in your control (including other people’s feelings).

• Increase your confidence in other areas of your life by not being too hard on yourself and acknowledging (and further developing) your strengths.

• Do your best to look your best (exercise, dress up, do your hair, etc.) – it will help with your self-esteem and your partner will appreciate it. DON’T use it as a crutch though, nor as a mask to hide your true self behind. Neither should you force him/her to dress or behave to your liking.

Is He Insecure or Not Interested?

Even insecure guys will unintentionally give away their feelings through their behavior – the following are some signs to watch for:

• He goes out of his way to accommodate your preferences (and to learn about them in the first place), and starts adopting them himself.

• He enjoys having interesting and deep discourse with you, and invests time and energy into debating and discussing disagreements with you rather than simply not giving a damn (apathy is worse than hate – not that he necessarily hates you). He will however, avoid talking about his past lovers.

• He won’t bail at the first sign of you playing hard-to-get – play games with him (to a reasonable extent) and he will play along and keep pursuing you in the face of (to him) temporary setbacks and trivial obstacles.

• He responds positively to any sincere signs of interest you send his way, and doesn’t explicitly “friendzone” or “rule you out” as a potential romantic partner.

• Random gifts and favors!

• You might see signs of small-stakes commitment, like signing up to the same yoga class together.

• He is always eager to make plans to see you and puts a lot of effort into arranging interesting dates (often a long time in advance) to make sure you have fun when you’re with him – its unlikely you’ll hear him asking you to come up with ideas for what to do or eat.

And he will rarely, if ever, flake – if he does, there will be a very good reason behind it and you can count on him to be apologetic and/or make it up to you in a big way.

• He’s quiet around you but loud and chatty around other people (note though that he shouldn’t be depressed or unhappy).

• He makes positive comments about seemingly mundane (to you) things about you, especially things noone else notices.

You know your hair looks good today because you got a record amount of Instagram likes on a hair selfie after you spent an unholy amount of money at the hair salon, but he happens to notice and compliment you on the dimple on your left cheek when you laugh. He also doesn’t mind your (own perceived) “flaws” – be they physical, behavioral or circumstantial.

• He dresses up when meeting you.

• He might be a little touchy-feely and up-close-and-personal, and in general his body from head-to-toe will be “facing towards you”. Emotional openness will also be evident, though tread carefully as some guys can get a little sensitive.

• He frequently contacts you first, out of the blue – just for the sake of talking to you. When you contact him, he will usually be available or at least get back in touch with you later – you definitely won’t be ignored. And it will usually be voice or video calls – too much text-based communication is a bad sign.

• He sometimes makes fun of you in a playful way.

• There’s a good chance he’s told at least one friend that he’s interested in you. Even better if he’s introduced you to them in person, and bonus points for meeting his family. On the other hand if nobody around him so much as knows your name or your existence (or worse, you hear about one or more other women), don’t get your hopes up too much.

• He seems curious (almost nosy) about various aspects of your life past present and future, and seems to have an amazing ability to recall random details from past conversations with you. Start going on a long rant about your life’s problems? He should be all ears. At the same time, he’ll tell you all the details about his own life without you even asking.

• He shows signs of jealousy about other guys in your life.

• Overall you find him attentive, predictable, available and comfortable (in a good way).

7-year itch relationship advice

Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell in the film “The Seven Year Itch”

• Create a fresh new start together, both mentally and practically. Make new and exciting long-term plans for the future and begin a journey towards it rather than thinking that the current state is your destination.

Do you have separate hobbies that you’ve never tried together before? You should try out each others’ pastimes (or even something you’ve both never tried, as long as you do it together), for example join your wife’s next yoga class or your husband’s next fishing trip – you never know just how much you’ll end up liking it and you’ll spend more time doing things together. Activities involving other couples are especially great because there are more things you’ll be able to relate with.

And while this may seem contradictory, making sure you each also have sufficient “alone time” is also important.

• It is critical to understand and accept that every relationship has flaws, including your own. Of course any major problems should be worked on (it’s a horrible idea to ignore such things and hope it will go away or resolve itself over time), but all is not lost just because of a few small ones.

On a related note, don’t think of seeing a therapist as a bad thing – it actually confirms that you care about the relationship and are willing to work on it.

• For every disagreement or negative interaction, consciously try to make up for it with several more positive interactions – they add up over time and will be worth it in the long run.

• Make a list of things that you are thankful for about your spouse, e.g. always willing to listen to your problems even when tired. Each time you notice something on the list, make it known that you appreciate it and that you don’t take it for granted. If you literally cannot find a single thing you’re thankful for, then something is not right and you need to talk about it.

• Just because things aren’t exactly the same or as passionate as from the beginning of the relationship doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad thing – it’s only natural that it progresses from dizzy-headed excitement to a more mellow sense of companionship, and it’s possible to misconstrue this as fading of love when it is anything but – think of the years’ worth of precious memories and time spent together that can never be replaced with anything else.

On the other hand maybe some things have changed that shouldn’t have, for example no longer kissing each other goodbye when leaving for work or beginning to argue about petty things. Thinking about and changing little things like that can make a huge difference.

Also having been together for a long time doesn’t mean a zero-effort relationship – in fact that kind of thinking is a fatal mistake that leads to an insidious breakdown. Most important is transparency and constant communication, whether it’s mundane chitchat or serious talk about deep issues.

• The cause of your “itch” could be external – maybe it’s other things in your life that you’re tired of that you’re projecting onto or blaming on your marriage – for example your job – or perhaps even undiscovered health issues.