– Contents• Cell Phone Privacy in Marriage
• What Causes Resentment in a Marriage?
• How to deal with husband working night shift?
• I resent my husband for not setting boundaries
• Characteristics of a Selfish Husband
• Why is my Husband so Selfish and Inconsiderate?
• How to Deal with a Selfish Husband
• How To Tell Your Husband You Want A Separation
• My Wife Doesn’t Respect Me!
• How to Deal With the Silent Treatment from Your Spouse
• How Stepchildren can ruin a Marriage
• How to Make a Marriage Work with Stepchildren
• Saving A Marriage After Separation
• Signs My Separated Wife Wants to Reconcile?
– Cell Phone Privacy in Marriage
For a long time coming, people have felt the need to check their partners’ phone. While this doesn’t just show disrespect and mistrust, snooping on your partners’ phone is an invasion of privacy. If you are curious avoid anything at all, brace up and talk to your partner about it. There is absolutely no reason why you should go behind his or her back to start checking their cellphone. If you are still thinking of doing so, here are some reasons why it is a terrible idea.
- You Have Trust Issues. When you are in a relationship, your partner trusts you enough to leave their phone in your care. The least you could do is to that then back and offer them the same exact trust they gave you. Secretly searching their phone makes it easy to kill the trust and respect they once had for you. If you are in doubt about anything, take the decency to ask, rather than snoop. Besides, everyone is entitled to a certain level of privacy, including you. Don’t take that away from someone else, especially if it is someone you genuinely love.
- You Wouldn’t Want It. If you are being honest with yourself, you wouldn’t want your partner going through your phone, even if you don’t have nothing to hide. It is simply an invasion of privacy. You wouldn’t want this to be done to you, so don’t do it to them either. If you are in doubt about anything at all, feel free to ask, as it is the only way you can get the truth. It gets worse if your partner catches you in the act, as you will look insecure, needy and desperate.
- You Might Misinterpret Things. Often times, certain things speak for themselves. But there is a high probability that you will get the wrong idea about anything you see in the phone. Snooping often comes off from suspicion about what you feel might be happening, so you are all set and ready to “catch” then doing something. This can lead to you jumping into conclusions which is not good for the relationship or marriage.
- It Can Ruin Your Relationship. Snooping on your partners phone can ruin your relationship. It takes you in a path of self destruction as you will constantly be insecure and anxious about what your partner is doing every time. This would make you nag and complain every single time, and this kind of bad energy can make your partner stay away from you. This negative energy that you have set can ruin your relationship in a very short period of time.
At the end of the day, if you are really in love with your partner, you will trust him or her and nurture the relationship. You will also know your boundaries and know when to draw the line. If the relationship is truly a happy one, there would be no point of snooping on their cellphones. As risky as love might be, show respect by not checking your partners phone.
– What Causes Resentment in a Marriage?
It is no news that one of the many slow poisons that is fast killing marriages is resentment. With resentment, it just doesn’t happen, it is built up overtime. Marriages where both partners are used to bottling up emotions or sweeping differences under the rug, in no time these marriages will be overcome by resentment. Marriage is a joint partnership, so it doesn’t just involve one person. If any of the partners have started to harbor feelings of resentment towards the other, it is necessary that they get to the root cause before it goes out of hand. These feelings of resentment could be caused any of several factors, but they all involve a form of injustice, wrongdoing or offense by the other partner. In this post, we have highlighted a few reasons why partners could begin to feel resentment in a marriage.
- Unfulfilled Desires. Just like any relationship, resentment in marriage could be as a result of unmet desires. This happens especially when both parties had high expectations for the marriage. It could be in terms of finances, communication and even intimacy. You might start to feel like your partner is either not doing or giving enough for the marriage to be what you want it to be. This would make you cranky and end up having resentment in your marriage.
- Selfishness. Another huge cause of resentment in marriage is selfishness. If you want to be married, you need to be as selfless as you can be. Always put your partner’s needs before your own. This not only makes your partner love and respect you more, but he or she would do the same. It nourishes the union as you both would always be on the same page without expecting anything or being too entitled to things.
- Failing To Keep Promises. If you cannot keep your promises, then don’t make them. Broken and unfulfilled promises are detrimental to your marriage, especially because your partner would keep anticipating what you say you would do, then get disappointed. When this is done over and over again, your partner would totally loose trust and faith in you, and make them resent you for a long time.
- Non-Appreciation of Efforts. A major cause of resentment in marriage is when a partner does not appreciate the effort of the other partner. This can be particularly frustrating, especially when the partner is doing his or her best to make the other person happy. Instead of constantly talking about what is wrong, take a moment each day to appreciate whatever your spouse is doing. It doesn’t have to be something huge, as it can be as little as taking the trash out of the bin. We’re all humans and we love to hear how appreciated we are.
Resentment is a horrible thing to happen in any marriage, as it even kills the intimacy involved. If your marriage is suffering from resentment, try and work things out with your spouse, before the wall of resentment becomes too high for you both to climb.
– How to deal with husband working night shift?
The dream of almost every married woman is to have her husband by her side every time, especially at night. Having him around makes her feel loved, secure and happy. However, there are sometimes when your husband would need a little extra money to meet the family’s needs. In cases like this, your husband might need to work the night shift. Most times, it becomes lonely for you and the kids, but you can still cope with the situation in the following ways.
Plan Dates To Maximize Intimacy
Since you know your husband works hard at night, you need to set out days where you’ll have dates on a weekly basis. These intimate moments are critical as you both have to take any opportunity to be affectionate and intimate towards each other. In addition to that, spend anytime you get cuddling on the couch or in bed. Leave sweet love notes in his lunch box, wallet or in the pockets of his shirt. Even if he is busy working, he would feel special and appreciated when he sees it while working. The time you spend with him should be kept sacred, so you have to make the most out of it.
Stay In Shape
While your husband is working at night, you could use that time to work out. You could go to a gym at night, or better still stay at home and engage in workout sessions. This is generally a great idea of your children are asleep. Try sit-ups, squats, lunges, planks and so on. Staying in the best shape would make you feel good about yourself and improve your confidence level with or without your husband being around.
Thankfully, technology has made it easier for us to communicate as often as we want to. So, your husband working at night doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him. With Skype, FaceTime, and other social media platforms, you can talk to him anytime you want to. You can also text as often as you want to (if his job permits him to use his phone). Use that opportunity to send him your pictures and videos. This would make him anticipate and want to come home to you.
Respect His Sleeping Needs
As much as you want to maximize the time you spend with your partner, you need to respect his sleeping needs. As tempting as it might be to wake him up to spend time with you, it can be a bit exhausting for him because he needs as much sleep as he can get. Less sleep can make him resentful and cranky at work, and you definitely don’t want him to be that way at work. Let him sleep and wake up at his own time, then you both can decide what to do with the time when he is awake.
By prioritizing and rescheduling properly, your husband’s night shifts will not cause a strain in your marriage. As long as you both are on the same page, everything will work out just fine.
– I resent my husband for not setting boundaries
Before marriage, everyone has all these exciting expectations that usually involve sunshine and rainbows. Even those who boast of happy marriages never tell the full story so a lot of people are actually shocked when it’s finally their turn. You hear stories of how they found the love of their lives, and how their partners complete them. But nobody ever warns you that getting married to someone means they will ALWAYS be there. As in, even in times when you just want to be left alone, this person will still be there. For a former single person who is used to having their own space and doing things other way, this may be very unsettling especially if you have a partner that refuses to honor your boundaries. In cases like this, if it not addressed soon enough, then you begin to hear complaints like, I hate that my wife doesn’t get that I need space” or “I resent my husband for not setting boundaries”. Some people don’t even have boundaries and that alone is a recipe for disaster. With marriage, boundaries are very necessary because a life time is too long to spend with someone you resent.
While having boundaries is very important, that alone is not sufficient. You need to let your partner know that any violation would result in consequences that you should be more than ready to follow up with. If you’re not sure about how to establish consequences for boundary violations, here are a few things you should know.
- Make sure they are deliberate and not impulsive. If your consequences are going to have any effect at all, then you need to be deliberate about them. Do not wait until you’ve been violated to make that decision. That way, when it happens, you are not caught unawares and you don’t react emotionally as tis could ruin the intended effect.
- Make sure it is a related consequence. When establishing boundaries and consequences, make sure they are related. For example, if your husband goes through leaves his clothes lying around, get him to do the laundry for a week. That way, he sees that his actions affect you and you’re doing something about it.
- It should be appropriate for the crime. When establishing consequences make sure that they are just as severe as the violation is. If the consequence is not as severe, your spouse begins to feel like he can do what he wants and just get a slap on the wrist. On the other hand, if it is too sever, it may begin to feel like you’re overreacting.
- You should be able to enforce it. If you are going to establish a consequence, make sure it is something you know you can enforce. Don’t go creating consequences that you’ll never be able to follow through because that will only make you appear as more of a joke to them.
While you do all of this, make sure you are following up with your partner’s character. If you’ve noticed that all that you’ve tried is not working and you still do not get the respect that you desire, you may need to start seeking out more drastic solutions.
– Characteristics of a Selfish Husband
Every woman’s hope when they go into a marriage is that they’re going into it with someone who will always have their back and support them. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. Some women have ended up in marriages with inconsiderate and selfish men who have done nothing but make their lives harder. The worst part is that some of them think it’s normal. This belief is not only ignorant but also toxic because at the end of the day, there’s only so much selfishness a woman can handle. This is not to say that any marriage is perfect or any woman has it all, but when one partner’s lack of care and concern for the other outshines his love, that marriage is headed for the rocks. If you’re not so sure whether your husband is selfish, you could look out for the following characteristics.
- He takes no interest in your life or your interests. If someone cares about you, they will take interest in the things that are important to you. That’s not the case with selfish husbands. A selfish husband does not care about your life or your aspirations, he pays no attention to your dreams and how he can help you achieve them. To a selfish husband, what you want does not matter because his wants will always be more important than yours.
- He never apologizes. A selfish husband always believes that he is never wrong. It doesn’t matter how clearly you’ve been hurt by his actions or his words, a selfish husband will never acknowledge it. He would probably just chuck it up to you taking his actions out of context or you being overly sensitive. Either way, your feelings do not matter to him and he makes sure that you always know this.
- His life and career will always be more important than yours. To a selfish husband, all that matters is that he sorts out his life and career first and yours will follow whatever path he has created. If you’re married to someone who constantly tries to undermine your work or insinuate that your career is not as important as his, we might have a selfish husband on our hands. Sometimes, it may even come cloaked as care. A selfish husband may say things like, I don’t want you to stress yourself working, just take care of the home”. To someone who is not observant, this may seem sweet but did he ever stop to ask you whether staying home is what YOU actually want? No? Then we have probably have a selfish husband on our hands.
- He is lazy and doesn’t help out at home. If your husband can see how much of your time and energy goes into taking care of the home and he never offers to help, he’s most likely one of the selfish ones. Life is tough and everyone deserves all the help they can get especially from the one who made vows to always be there for you. Therefore, if he is always creating messes that he never attempts to clear up, he’s probably selfish.
The truth is marriage is not easy but it definitely requires that both parties put in the work. Anything other than that is not ideal and should be worked on.
– Why is my Husband so Selfish and Inconsiderate?
Why is my husband so selfish to me? This question is one that is not new to the ears of relationship experts and marriage counselors. When a spouse gets to the point where they have to ask this question, then you can tell how strained their relationship already is. Sometimes, these traits are obvious before marriage but we hope that can change them, other times there is absolutely no sign that the person you’re marrying will turn on you. Whatever the case may be, no one deserves to feel like they are in a marriage alone. If you’re caught in this position, then you need to understand why he is that way and how you want to deal with the answers you find. In this post, we’ll talk about some reasons why your husband is acting selfish towards you.
- He’s gotten used to you. Sometimes with spend a lot of time together (like in a marriage), there is a tendency for one of them to get so used to the other that they don’t make any efforts anymore. To him, he’s now so familiar with you that he doesn’t need to impress you anymore so he does whatever he wants to do. If you don’t speak and tell him how his selfishness is affecting you and your marriage, he may just go on thinking that he is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
- He expects you to understand. As relationships progress and people become older, they take on more responsibilities and their lives become harder to an extent. Given these circumstances, it is very easy for one partner to forget about the other’s needs with the hopes that they can see what they’re going through and understand. While this does not entirely make him a bad person, it assumes that your partner can read your minds and your feelings per time which is a ludicrous concept. So don’t chuck up your partner’s needs to, “Oh she can see that I’m trying to work on my life and my dreams, she should understand”. For husbands like this, speak to him and let him understand that he needs to let you in. Let him know how hurt you are and try to work it out with him. If he still cares about you, he will listen and make amends.
- You’ve always been the one to make sacrifices. If you’ve always been the one to bend over in the relationship, or you’ve been the one who has always had to give up their life or comfort for the relationship to work, you will end up with a husband who believes he can do as he pleases and still have his relationship intact. In this case, your husband will always feel like no matter how selfish his actions are towards you, you will eventually adjust and the balance would be restored in your marriage. If this is your relationship, then you need to rise up and make new rules. Make it clear that going forward, you intend to choose yourself every now and then and as you do this, keep your word. With time and a husband who loves you and is willing to work on your relationship, you should begin to see positive changes in no time.
– How to Deal with a Selfish Husband
Anyone who has had to deal with a selfish person can tell stories of how often they were hurt by their words or actions. Now imagine you had to share a life with this person, meaning they were always almost around. That’s what it’s like to be someone dealing with a selfish husband. Nothing erodes a marriage more quickly than a selfish spouse because marriage is a commitment to start treating yourself and your partner as two parts of a whole. If you’ve carefully assessed your marriage and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re married to a selfish man, it may be time to start figuring out ways to handle him. In this post, I’ve highlighted a few things you could try out.
- Talk to him. This may seem like a cliché but talking to your husband is one of the easiest ways to communicate to your husband that his actions are rubbing you the wrong way. The fact that you made it to marriage with person means that the both of you saw something in each other worth coming together. You should therefore be able to talk to your husband about anything that you’re not comfortable with. Be as genuine as possible and try not to make the conversation seem as if you’re coming at him. In as much as you want to make him feel comfortable during the conversation, make sure you’re always in control. A selfish person will most likely want to turn the conversation around and make themselves out to be the victim. Do not allow it. In all of this, make sure you don’t just pint out his selfishness but also how it is affecting you and your relationship.
- Talk to someone close to him. Everyone has that one person whose advice they take very seriously. Figure out who that person is for your husband and speak to them. Make sure you explain clearly to them how his actions are affecting you directly so that they can speak to him on your behalf. Also, ask them questions about him. They just might know something about dealing with him than you don’t.
- Suggest therapy. Now this is a very tricky one because a selfish person may be violently opposed to marriage counseling so you have to be very careful. Time the conversation so that it comes up even he is in a good mood. Try not to make it seem like you’re pointing fingers and blaming him for the failure of your relationship. Instead of saying things like, “we should see a therapist because your selfishness is ruining our marriage”, try saying, “our relationship could be even better than it is right now and counseling can help get us there”. And if you do convince him to try therapy, stay committed to it.
Remember, there’s only so much you can do to change how someone acts towards you. Focus on becoming a better person, do not try to pay them back in equal amounts of selfishness. If after all your efforts you realize that your husband is still not interested in becoming a better person for you and your relationship, it may be time to remove yourself from that environment. But before doing that, be absolutely sure that you’ve given it everything you’ve got.
– How To Tell Your Husband You Want A Separation
Asking your husband for a separation is one of the toughest conversations a woman can have in her lifetime. You have a whole lot of emotions going through your mind ranging from anticipation to fear and sometimes, guilt. If you are willing and ready to go through this, here are some tips that would help you make the process easier.
Choose A Great Time/Place
Depending on the kind of person your partner is, this kind of discussion should be held in a private place. In cases where your partner has earlier exhibited abusive or violent traits, you might want to have this discussion in a public place, especially if you feel like he might hit you. Make time out to have the conversation and do not be in a hurry. If you both have children, ensure you do it have this discussion in their presence.
Expect A Reaction
If you have previously talked about your marital issues with your spouse, you should have a faint idea of how he’ll react to this. Prepare yourself to get different emotions from him. A good advice is to talk to a therapist or counselor before hand, so he or she would tell you the best way to go about it. You need to be careful if your words, reactions and behavior. It is never an easy thing to do, so just remain calm as no single action of yours can make him feel better.
Discuss Outcomes Of The Separation
After you must have told your spouse what you want, the next thing to do is to establish the exact thing you want for the separation. As hurtful as it might be, you and your spouse need to be in the same page. A separation doesn’t always have to end in divorce. It could be a stepping stone to a divorce, or I could be a period to take time alone and think of the hopes of reconciliation. Whichever the case may be, it is better to lay it out at an early stage. This gives clarity from the start.
Set A Limit
A good advice when asking your husband for a separation is to set a time limit. It could be weeks, months, half a year or a full year. Setting a limit would prevent both of you from dragging on for a longer period of time. Also, if you realize you keep asking for time to talk things over or stay apart, it may just be the time to end the marriage. It might get to a point where neither of you are willing to stay and fight for the marriage you had before. It is at that moment you will get to realize that both of you are better off apart.
Telling your husband you want a separation is difficult on its own, but how you say it can make the difference between a reconciliation and a divorce. Remember to remain as discreet as possible, as you should only tell close friends and family, rather than announce it on social media. Remember to remain calm all through the whole period.
– My Wife Doesn’t Respect Me!
One of the fundamental keys to a successful marriage is respect. Respect makes either partner feel loved and cared for. It particularly does wonders to the self esteem of the partner. But what do you do in cases where you feel you are being disrespected? If you have reached that frustrating point in your marriage where you think your wife does not respect you, you might want to find out the reason for this. Here are some top reasons why she doesn’t respect you.
- You’re Irresponsible. One major reason why your wife doesn’t respect you is because you are irresponsible. If she has a busy 9-5 life and a career she is passionate about, but you do nothing other than hang on the couch, eat and play video games, the she wouldn’t respect you. This is because the bills will fall in her and you are in no way trying to help. Most women actually feel like they are taken advantage of, especially when their husband doesn’t support with things around the house. If you fall among these category of men, then there is no way your wife would respect you.
- Nasty Behavior. If you have a nasty behavior, there are high chances that your wife wouldn’t respect you. Each day, we gave a lot of challenges and humans, and sometimes we need that special someone to help comfort and make us happy. If you have a bad behavior, and you are easily angry, irritated, cranky, your wife might not be happy to be around you. She’ll see you as a bad person that always gives off a bad vibe. Because of this, she might not respect you in any way.
- Anger. If your wife is upset about an ongoing conflict, she would definitely not respect you. This is especially evident if she has tried to talk about it to you time and time again. If you dismiss her with an apology without tackling the root cause of the issue, then there is a high probability that she wouldn’t respect you. She’ll see you as a coward person who would rather not face issues as they come. Marriage is all about compromise and forgiveness, especially when differences arise. If you find yourself feeling disrespected, it might be as a result of not settling an issue the way it should be.
- Absence of Dominance. Some men think by being by not been firm in their thoughts and decisions would make their marriage a happy one. This is wrong as men as supposed to take charge and remain firm in all they do. This doesn’t mean you should be domineering, but you should always put your feet down as the man of the house. Don’t just do whatever your wife pleases. If you lack dominance, she wouldn’t respect you, as she can even make major decisions without consulting you.
You can still talk to you wife about this issue if you feel disrespected. Remember, respect is reciprocal, so you should equally give and show her the respect she deserves. With that, you would be sure to have a happy marriage.
– How to Deal With the Silent Treatment from Your Spouse
One of the commonest ways couples fight is when one of them give the other person the silent treatment. Often times, the silent treatment happens when a partner pressures the other with complaints or requests but is met with total silence. It can be extremely frustrating for the other partner, as it causes more harm than good. The situation is a tricky one, so knowing how to deal with is key. Here are some practical ways to tackle this issue.
Understand the Reason
Sometimes, a lot of people have challenges in expressing how they feel about certain issues, so they bottle up their feelings and stay on their own. If your spouse falls into this category of people, then it’s very likely that they’ll give you the silent treatment, especially when they feel they can’t match your communication level. As the other person, you need to understand the reasons why your spouse gives you the silent treatment. That is the only way you can move forward in your relationship. It becomes both of you against the problem, rather than both of you against each other.
Talk About It
Communication is important in any relationship, so after you must have understood the reason for the silent treatment, talk to your partner about it. You must tread carefully here and try not to make “passive-aggressive” statements but clear and genuine ones. Start off by telling your partner how much you love and care about them, after which you go straight to the point. Talk about how you feel whenever they give you the silent treatment, and how it is taking a toll on your relationship. Ensure you say all this in a loving, friendly but firm tone.
Apologize When Necessary
Another way to deal with the silent treatment issue is to apologize if you have truly said something hurtful or hateful to your partner. Admit when you are wrong and sincerely take time out to apologize. However, you should never apologize for something you didn’t do. Rather, try to be supportive by being empathetic. Understand the situation so as to close the gap that has come between you two, if not, the gap would keep getting wider.
Set New Rules
After you and your partner must have talked about it, you should set new rules for communication. A good way to start this is to calm down after having a quarrel. Rather than have your emotions get flooded with intense feelings, take time out to calm down. After that, you can come back and talk through the conflict. This would resolve the issues you have as quickly as possible.
Finally, you and your partner would need to figure out healthier ways to confront all the situations you will be faced with. As much as you might not find a solution immediately, it will be a learning curve for both of you. If the situation is managed in a proper and healthy manner, then it would be a thing of the past.
– How Stepchildren can ruin a Marriage
Nearly everyone who has had children from a previous marriage or relationship goes into a new marriage with the hopes of creating the perfect blended family. More often than not, these dreams are far from reality. With children who have been raised by a different parent and under different conditions than you’re offering, it might be hard to get them to see eye to eye with you. You have to understand them, their needs and not try to overstate your position with them else you risk losing your relationship entirely. So if you’re someone who is in this situation and it hasn’t been going well so far, or you’re just about to take the leap and want to make the best of it, here a few things you should know about step children and marriages.
- There might be a little tussle for attention. Not every child understands the concept of loving different people equally. If you have children and you’re going into a new marriage, they might start to feel like their love was not enough for you or that our partner is trying to steal you from them. These unresolved sentiments will eventually grow into resentment and a whole lot of tension. Also, if you’re the one going into a marriage with someone who has kids, they might start to view as the imposter who is trying to disrupt their family dynamics. It’s worse if there the other parent was/is actively involved in their lives. To them, your presence might be interpreted as you trying to take their parent’s place. With situations like these, you have to show kindness without going overboard. Respect their space and understand that you cannot force a relationship with them. They have to come to you on their terms.
- Your arguments about finances might increase. The thing about children is that they are expensive to care for. Now if you have a parent in the marriage who believes in going all the way for their children (even when it’s not exactly necessary) and another who is a bit more frugal with money, there will definitely be a lot of arguments about how the family’s finances should be spent. In this case, it necessary for both parents to come to a consensus on how they want to handle the issue and apply it across board to all children.
- There might be disciplinary or boundary issues. Everyone does not define discipline in the same way. This might result in arguments very often. One person may be stricter and want to handle all children in that manner while others may assume that you’re going down too hard on the children. These arguments if not handled properly might result in conflicts that may lead to bigger issues in your relationship. As with every relationship, you will both have to compromise and come to a consensus on how to properly handle discipline with the children.
If you’re the one without kids in the relationship, remember that your partner’s kids are a huge part of their life and you should try to cut them some slack. On the other hand, if you’re the one with kids, try not to use your children as an excuse to not pay attention to your spouse. Blended families may be hard to maintain, but it is definitely not an impossible task.
– How to Make a Marriage Work with Stepchildren
In all honesty, being a step-parent is a Herculean task. It comes with a lot of ups and downs and if care is not taken, it can cause a huge strain on your marriage. Marriages on their own require a whole lot of hard work, not to talk of adding the stress of having step-children. Some might never accept you and would stop at almost nothing to make life hard for you. However, with these tips highlighted below, you can still make your marriage work when step-children are involved.
If you want to enjoy your marriage with step-children involved, you need to set boundaries as quickly as possible. You should let the children be aware of what is acceptable with you and what is not. It goes in both ways, as you should equally respect their own boundaries, especially if they are teenagers. No issue should be seen as too big or too little for boundaries to be set. It would breed respect and become an important aspect of your daily lives.
Grow Thick Skin
To have a successful blended family, you need to develop a thick skin while being sensitive to emotions as well. You need to take out time to put all your insecurities aside, because having step-children isn’t going to be an easy both ride. You will get compared a lot, you might get picked on, and the children might hate you or even say hurtful things about you. You need to take this unnecessary stress out without letting it put a strain on your marriage. In most cases, it all works out in the end.
Allow the Parent to Discipline
It is important to note that you should take a step back and let the parent do the disciplining. You can not decide to discipline them, especially in the early stages of your marriage. They need to know you to a certain extent and be comfortable enough to trust you. They definitely would not listen to you because you are their new parent. Start the process slowly by becoming actively involved in laying down rumors, however never punish them when the rules are broken. This would prevent the children from seeing you as the bad guy.
Never Let Your Spouse Choose Sides
When step-children are involved, never put your spouse in the position of choosing between you and the children. This is terrible for not just the kids, but for your marriage as a whole. In situations where you are having a discussion where a decision has to be made, you could use code languages that only you and your partner would understand. You could also discuss the issue later, but never give your spouse an ultimatum.
Finally, remember making your marriage work is just as important as raising children. They would not live with you forever, so make great memories with them while you can. It takes a lot of patience and maturity, but with your partner by your side, it can be a walk in the park.
– Saving A Marriage After Separation
Often times, when things go south in a marriage, the next line of act is usually for the couples to separate. Separation isn’t a divorce, rather it is a period where the couple decides what they really want. The separation makes them understand whether the marriage is worth fighting for. If you intend to save your marriage after separating with your partner, here are some tips that can guide you. The
Take It Slowly
If you want to save your marriage after a separation, you need to take it slowly. Don’t push for anything, as your partner must want this as much as you want it. Take time out to think your decision through, and keep in mind that you cannot rush or force anything. Rather than patch up the issues you have, deal with them one after the other. Don’t threaten or give ultimatums to the other person, as this causes more harm than good. If the marriage is worth saving, the other person would see it, and you wouldn’t need to convince them to be with you.
While you both are separated, it is important to set healthy boundaries. Talk about what you expect from the separation and set rules that you both must follow. Refrain from any kind of intimacy or unnecessary emotional attachment, as it would only make things more complicated. If you have children, talk about visiting times so the children don’t have to feel distant from another parent. Health decisions and financial matters should also be discussed.
Don’t Be Too Needy
Being needy does more harm than good as it turns your partner off quicker than anything. The truth is simple; if they truly want to be with you or be around you, they would. Stop stalking, begging, calling, texting or asking them too many questions at the same time. The main focus here is to stay apart, not being together at every point in time. Also, start getting used to the fact that you can be by yourself and still be happy. Value yourself so you become the best version of you. Stay happy and fulfilled every time, so having a partner would just be a plus.
Seek Professional Help
One of the best ways to deal with this issue is to get help from therapists or marriage counselors. Apart from the fact that they are as objective as possible, they also help you communicate and relate differently with each other. They’ll help both of you understand each other by directly tackling whatever issues you are facing. It is important to note here that you should communicate your feelings and be as honest as possible with your partner and therapist. It might be an emotional roller coaster, but it would help the situation better.
Saving a marriage after separation takes a lot of work, and it can only be worth it if both of you are willing and able to scale through the situations you are facing.
– Signs My Separated Wife Wants to Reconcile?
Not everyone rides into the sunset with the man/woman of their dreams. Sometimes, relationships and marriages come to an end. This does not mean that your feelings for that person will suddenly fade. You may even toy with the idea of giving your love another chance. While this might seem like something you should try out, you have to be entirely sure that you’re ready to do things differently and that it’s something that you both want. If you’re suspecting that your separated wife may be trying to mend your relationship, here are a few signs you should start looking out for.
- She always tries to keep in touch with you. If your ex-wife is always calling or texting you first and trying to set up meetings with you, it might be a sign that there are some unresolved feelings on her part. This is a clear sign that she misses you and she’s only trying to come up with chances for the two of you to remain in each other’s lives.
- She’s always showing interest in your life. If you have an ex-wife who is constantly asking about your life and how your plans are going, chances are she’s trying to get back with you. The truth is people are rarely invested in people that they do not care about. The fact that she is always interested in knowing what you’ve been up to is a sign that she still cares about you and would probably not mind giving your relationship another try.
- She brings up the past A LOT. If a woman is constantly bringing up your relationship and all the good memories it had, she’s most likely trying to rekindle the flame. All of a sudden, every random happening is somehow used a reference to something that happened in your relationship. Don’t be deceived, those are not random conversation topics. That woman is definitely trying to rekindle something with you. I mean, if it was all sunflowers and daisies while it lasted, why did it end in the first place?
- You “randomly” bump into her a lot. Yeah right. You shared a life with this woman, I’m pretty sure she has a good idea of where to find you. She’s showing up in all the places you frequently visit because she’s trying to run into you. If you’ve noticed that you’re bumping into her a whole lot, then she’s probably placing herself in those places intentionally.
- She has told you she still has feelings for you. Some women do not have the time to play mind games or drop subtle hints with you. If your ex-wife is one of those women who have no problems expressing themselves, she might just out rightly say so (even though some of them may try to pass it off as a joke).
While trying to work on a failed relationship is not exactly a bad idea, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not just because it feels familiar or because the other person wants. Take your time to figure out what you want and make sur you do what’s best for you.